"By the way, I never caught your name."
"Josh", he said, and stuck out his hand to shake mine.
I presented my gloved hand in a halfhearted way and said, "I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand. It's for religious reasons."
"It's cool", he said. It's cool.
But is it?
To my shock and dismay, I have heard meany reasons and arguments defending the position of being lenient with shomer negia in regards to shaking someone's hand of the opposite gender, specifically in the workforce. One person even defended their claim using Wikipedia as a source. (See the section on Shaking hands in halacha). Everyone knows Wikipedia is not a valid source.
Whether shaking hands is a strict halacha or a 'personal preference', for me it goes way deeper than that.
There is that split second where thoughts go through my mind.
'He doesn't know me, who will ever know....'
'He won't understand, so why bother to explain?'
'It is just a handshake, what's the big deal?'
And then I remember who I am. I am a Jew. I am a frum Jew. I am a frum Jewish Lubavitcher, a chassid (follower) of the Rebbe. And the Rebbe never compromised, so why should I.
Why should one be lenient in an area where it is so easy for them to be strict? We as Jews learn to take the high road, in Halacha (to go beyond the letter of the law), in practice, (to give more charity, to do more favors for people), and in our personal lives. We are taught that it is not enough to just live, it is not enough to just do. We have to do more, we have to be better, we have to be the best that we are capable of being.
Why should I make excuses and take the seemingly 'easier' route? To stand up for what you believe in, and what is right- THAT is what makes you a man.
Who knows? Maybe that guy will be walking away thinking, 'hmmm that is very impressive, I would love to know more about it.' Maybe he has a new found respect for Jews or religion.
And maybe he didn't think about it at all. But had I stuck out my hand and said 'Hi I'm Altie, nice to meet you'- I would have failed myself in every way.
I was in a similar situation not too long ago, and I really would've loved to shake this woman's had, as I've been a fan of her work forEVER and just having the opportunity to talk to her just blew my mind, not to mention it was for work. But when she stuck out her hand I politely refused and explained it was for religious reasons, and she was really cool about it.
ReplyDeleteI have heard stories where people were insulted but that may be a minimal occurrence.
DeleteHalchically, the restriction on touching is more regarding "lovey dovey" physical contact rather than brisk, business-like handshake.
ReplyDeleteI have a policy: If someone asks, "Do you shake?" then I don't. If they don't ask, then I do. How many times have I shaken hands? Probably 5 times in as many years.
My father can quote from where it is permissible to shake hands, and he does so when necessary in his business. I would not call it compromising, and I still consider myself frum.
I started attending secular graduate school this year. This was the first time that I was confronted with the "shaking hands" issue. On the first day of class everyone was introducing each other and of course shakine each others hands by way of introduction. Unfortunately I wasn't fast on my feet and shook hands whenver I couldnt avoid the situation. Another frum girl refused shaking hands and it was awkward, very awkward. A student asked me about it and I explained to him that I never offer my hand but when it is extended I shake it quickly so as not to embarrass the other person. He understood apologized for offering his hand and eventually word spread that the religious girls 'dont touch guys.'So now everyone knows and sticky situations have ceased.. except the other day when I guy wanted to high five and I had to say sorry- not happening. That in my opinion, has no excuse
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