Be safe little brother

They say to pray and I do but I don't think about it. Every time I see a headline that says 'Please say tehillim for... for a speedy recovery' I mumble the persons name with a quick thought and move on to the next thing in my day.

Is that normal? Is that okay?

An acquaintance said, "It's so sad, everyone is so worried about Israel right now, talking about it, posting about it, etc. But in 4 months we will all forget..."

It is sad. And it is true. We forget because if we don't, we can't move on. If we don't forget about loss, the pain, the deaths and destruction, how can we live every day with that pain weighing on us?

Until it is someone close to you. And then you can never forget. You remember every day, every little thing reminds you of the person who is gone, maybe you move on and it is not in the forefront of your mind, but you never forget.

What can we do? Beyond the prayers, the learning, charity, posts, statuses, worries, etc. What can we do to help?

I was never in a bomb shelter. I don't know what an air raid sounds like. I have never known the fear of war, worrying about loved ones, I have never been close to death.

Four years ago we lost 2 great people, Gabi and Rivka Holtzberg, shluchim to Mumbai India. Today, another shlucha to India was killed in a terrorist attack in Israel. 25 year old expectant woman, Mirah Scharf, among other deaths and injuries.

I hate the facts. I hate hearing the statistics, the ages, the names. It makes it so much more personal. When you hear the woman was pregnant- it makes it that more tragic.

I have a little brother in the IDF. And I am not worried about him. I don't know why. I can't bring myself to worry. I stop and think, should I be worrying? And I decide no, there is no need to worry. So I go on with my day.

And I hope to G-d I never have a need to worry.

And then I feel so selfish for not worrying. What is wrong with me? Why am I not shaking with fear, and praying to G-d to watch over all our brothers and sisters in Israel?

But I can't think. I'm sitting at work and I can't focus. I don't want to call my mother because I know she will worry, even if we know for sure my brother is safe.

So I read the headlines along with everyone else, and sigh, and mumble some tehillim, and say 'please G-d protect them and let it end' and then I feel helpless because it is not in my hands.

So I go on with my day, and that feeling of guilt lingers.

Because I know nothing about war- but these people are living it every day.

May we merit to see the coming of Moshiach speedily in our days.