My father knows how much I love to read, and I usually trust his judgement on books. When he handed me a book to read over Shabbos, I gratefully accepted it thinking it would be a good read. Then I glanced at the cover, and read the description, and grew suspicious. It sounded very much like a 'frum' book. Which didn't make any sense, because I don't read Jewish novels anymore. I have no patience for them. I like to read secular fiction, mysteries, thrillers. He said, "I think you will like it". So I read it. And here are my thoughts.
The book is called "The Outside World", by Tova Mirvis. The author grew up religious, in Memphis, Tennessee. She writes the book from a perspective of an insider. I am not sure if this book is geared towards the religious community or the secular world. Maybe both. Or neither. But I was reading reviews of the book and a Mormon woman commented that she really enjoyed it. I'm not sure I would recommend reading it, but we will get to that.
The first thing that made me laugh was the front flap. "Tzippy Goldman's mother has been planning her wedding since before she was born. Her four younger sisters want her to marry the crown prince of Boro Park.
But Tzippy, approaching spinsterhood at the age of twenty-two, has other ideas." Sorry, older singles. It seems there is no hope for you.
The short version of the book is: 2 families, one ultra-Orthodox and one Modern-Orthodox. Tzippy comes from the ultra-Orthodox world of Boro Park, where she is forced to go on date after date to meet the perfect guy. On her 42nd date (wow) she says enough is enough, she is sick of dating. To her mothers horror, she leaves home and goes to Israel to learn in a seminary there. Her mother thinks she will be passing up all the good boys if she is not at home to date. But Tzippy just needs to get away.
Bryan grew up in a Modern-Orthodox household in New Jersey. Mod, Dad, and 2 kids, (no dog), they lead a happy albeit not very religious life. Bryan, like all other boys his age, is obsessed with baseball, basketball, and girls. He goes to Israel for a year after high school to learn in a yeshiva, which is the norm in his world before he would go on to Columbia University. Ivy Leagues are their pride and joy. In Israel, after scoffing at the unfamiliar, he finally realizes what is true and good, and he slowly becomes more religious. When he returns home there are family disputes due to his 'holier-than-thou' attitude, and he returns to Israel for a 3rd year in yeshiva.
Tzippy's in Israel. Bryan (now called Baruch) is in Israel. Tzippy watches as all her classmates get engaged and still she wonders, "When will it happen for me?". She finally decides to take matters into her own hands, so she goes out into the street and starts checking out all the guys she sees (gasp). She keeps seeing Baruch around the neighborhood, and she follows him. Nay, she chases after him. Then, she trips and falls and he turns around and notices her and sees how pretty she is, and then they realize that they know each other. Their moms were roommates in college, and they used to play together as kids. Now, they are both grown up, and shy, and not used to talking to the opposite gender. (Now that Baruch is remade).
They get 'set up' on a shidduch date, they don't tell their parents, (scandalous). Tzippy's roommates at first disapprove of how they met, but then they press her for details. Tzippy and Baruch date for over 10 weeks, and slowly start talking about marriage.
He finally proposes to her in a falafel stand, she is unprepared and wearing a jean skirt (oh my god) and then they finally tell their parents. They both go home to prepare for the wedding.
There is a scene during their engagement party where they are sitting alone together on the porch, and Tzippy lightly touches his hand. Baruch takes her hand in his, and then he leans in to embrace her, almost going as far as kissing her. Then he realizes what he is doing and he pulls away. But not before his little sister sees what happened, and she thinks they are hypocrites and in fact no better than her.
This book is an interesting mix of religiosity and secularism. Tzippy's mother was a baal teshuva but she never told her kids, thinking that if she hid it very well and acted like everyone else, no one would discover her deep dark secret, that she used to eat treif and dress untzniusly.
They keep a TV in their house, but "they weren't even supposed to know it was there, its presence an unacceptable connection to the outside world. It had long ago been smuggled into the house in an air-conditioner box to hide it from the neighbors,
all of whom had done the same thing. The kids played with Barbie dolls, "only Barbie had been renamed Frayda Baila, while Ken was called Avraham Dovid. The two dolls snuck forbidden glances in shul and went out on shidduch dates......They dressed their dolls in outfits that were sometimes modest, sometimes revealing. Sometimes Frayda Baila made Shabbos dinner for Avraham Dovid.
Other times she took off her clothes and lay down on top of him." (Not sure where the kids would even know that from.)
Tzippy's mother tries so hard to fit in with all the other women, she goes crazy over the wedding, stressing how they must be fancier and more lavish than all the other weddings, spending more money then they have. Months after the wedding, it finally all becomes too much for her, she can't pretend anymore, so she has a (seemingly) nervous break-down and lets her house fall apart.
This book was an interesting read. It is a mix of proper and improper, permissible and forbidden.It lightly touches on the wedding night, and their nervousness at finally being allowed to touch. It has sweet parts, and funny parts, frustrating parts, and some parts that make you question yourself. Tzippy decides she wants to go to college, and her (now) husband looks at her and wonders where the sweet innocent girl that he married went. (Of course, because going to college is the equivalent of 'going off the D'.) She even hides it from her parents, thinking that they would be disappointed in her.
This is not an accurate book review and I don't expect an A. If this piqued your curiosity at all, then go ahead and read the book.
My thoughts on it were: It was an interesting look into a world that is not mine, but similar. I may share similar values with the characters in the story, but my practices and beliefs are different. I thought it was humorous, sarcastic at times, spot on in certain instances. Would I recommend it? I don't know. A secular person might read the book and say, wow they are not all that different from us. A religious person might read the book and say, scandalous, we need to ban this from all libraries so our kids don't read it.
I read it and thought, now I don't despise religious books as much. Although, the author seems more modern than Orthodox, but it's hard to tell.
So here is a message to all you (barely 22) spinsters out there: there is hope for you! You just need to go out and chase the guy of your dreams, maybe trip at his feet. Oh and one more thing- Baruch was younger than Tzippy (by like 2 years) so, go for younger guys. They are (sometimes) worth it.
