I gave up today. In more ways than one.
Everybody has those days, when things just don't work out. It sucks. I tried to return something to Target, but they wouldn't take it because it didn't have the tag on. I could have sworn it didn't have a tag when I bought it. There's a waste of twenty dollars. Now I have to hold onto something that I don't need and will never use.
I needed to make dinner. I needed to go shopping. I had so many errands to run, and not that much time. And then I was asked to help out with a high school program. I am supposed to be a dorm counselor, but also a program director's assistant. Which comes first? I don't know. In my book, making dinner trumps sitting in a boring meeting for an hour and a half, doing nothing and getting nothing done, as people crack their heads brainstorming. I am supposed to be there because it is partly my job, but what they don't know is that brainstorming is almost my least favorite job, and I suck at it. I wish I was anywhere but there. How can I do all the things I need to do? Maybe I can split myself into a few Alties.
I cut someone off in traffic. It feels good. Then I remember that he didn't do anything to me, and he is not the reason I am having a bad day. I don't know why I am having a bad day. Optimists will say things like, smile and it'll all be okay. Turn that frown upside down. Your attitude determines your future.
I say, who cares about any of that stuff? Sometimes I think I was born with a frown on my face. I am a sworn pessimist. What can go wrong, will go wrong. Sometimes it's just not worth it to try to make yourself be happy. It's easier to just ride the wave of anger.
It takes a few funny comments from my friend and a little bit of fresh air for me to calm down.
It's hard when things go wrong. It's hard when I get upset and I am not in a good mood, no matter what. It's hard when I know I will never be one of those people who is always smiling, and finds the good in every situation no matter what happens. It is hard being a pessimist, believe me.
But at the end of the day I know that I will go to sleep and everything will look better in the morning. That is the advice my mother always gave me. It generally works. It is like the song by Ohad- stop, don't think about it, cuz tomorrow is a brand new day.
That is a reassuring feeling. It is nice to know that we get another chance tomorrow.
My favorite line about pessimists is "A pessimist is an experienced optimist". But I think that in general we very often confuse being a pessimist and being a realist.
ReplyDeleteNo, I am pretty sure I'm a pessimist.
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything wrong with expecting the worst, and then having a pleasant surprise when things turn out okay.
Well, to quote Mark Twain, "The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little".
ReplyDeleteI cant say I completely agree, but there definitely is something to it.
That's like saying, "To believe everything you hear is foolish, but to believe nothing is just plain stupid."
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think optimists have a little too much pep.
That's why I like considering myself a realist. I think it just makes everything so much simpler to just give yourself the "real" idea of the way the thing will turn out, instead of automatically torpedoing it or declaring victory before you start for no real reason.
ReplyDeleteThe most annoying thing for me is the unknown. You don't know how it will turn out. You don't know if whatever you are doing will be an amazing life changing experience, or a flop. If you don't know, then how can you anticipate failure or success?
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of that depends on self confidence. If you are confident you can turn a failure into a success. It can be something that you learn from, even if you didn't accomplish the actual goal which you set out to.
ReplyDeleteI remember my first year going to camp as a staff member (a learning teacher). I was the youngest guy in the group, and terrified that a kid would ask me something that I couldn't answer, or something like that. I spoke with some friends and they said hey, you got to realize that at the end of the day, how ever little you convince myself you know, its more than what the kids know.
It gave me a whole new outlook which I try applying to everything I do.
That is true.
ReplyDeleteGenerally, I learn something from every experience, even if what I learn is to never do it again.
There are times I can look back and say, even though I had a bad time and it wasn't what I wanted, I'm glad I did it because I took something out of it. Even one thing.
I didn't have such a good seminary experience, but I made friends there.
It is hard to salvage the good from the bad, but that is what we spend our whole lives doing.
I personally will do things that I know are doomed to failure from the start, just to be able to say I tried.
ReplyDeleteI think it helps you grow and gives you valuable life experience.
Many parents say "we can tell you how it will turn out because we already experienced it, so trust us and don't do it". I think that it is a very wrong approach (unless it is referring to something dangerous). It takes away from the child's ability to experience life and learn valuable lessons.
Most of the time when people say, I did it, trust me you don't want to go there, they are talking about negative things like drugs, getting drunk, etc. Children have a need and a tendency to explore on their own, they do not like to take people's word for it.
ReplyDeleteBut that is not the same as doing something for the sake of saying you did it. Or maybe it is, but kind of in the opposite light.
Will you tell a child, sure go have fun, drink, party, be merry just so they will experience life and learn from their mistakes? No, you warn them against it as much as you can. Most of the time kids will do stupid things anyway, even if in the end they will say, I should have listened to my parents.
Like I said, I am not referring to dangerous things. (Although there happens to be a parenting theory (which I don't necessarily agree with,) to allow kids to do anything so that they can gain life experience). Telling a kid not to party is dumb. The kid most probably will anyhow. The smarter thing to do would be to tell them not to drive home drunk, or even giving the money for a cab to take home.
ReplyDeleteBut you also hear it in many instances where there is no danger and the parent wants to "save" the child the time which would be required in doing the thing. In a case like that I feel its sort of wrong. You must allow the kid to experience life in order that he can take lessons from it for the future.
Kind of like how my mother tells my little brother he doesn't have to go back to yeshiva if he doesn't want to, he can just do whatever he wants? Ya I get what you are saying :)
ReplyDeleteLol love the quote throwing-around going on here! Was that a good vent?
ReplyDelete:) thanks mushkie, it was.
ReplyDelete