I felt like a faker today. I got up in front of my class, 40 girls, and spoke about the topic of reading non Jewish books, why you shouldn't read them, and how they affect you.
Truthfully, I didn't choose this topic. We were each given a topic to prepare, and had to speak about it. But did I have any right to get up there and say what I did, when I myself read non Jewish books? (Though trying to change that.)
You can believe what you want. If you think it's fine to read that stuff, then go ahead. I have a conscience, and it tells me not to. But I do it anyway.
This reminds me of the story, about the chossid that wears street clothes when he works, but when he goes to the Rebbe, he changes to chassidic garb. After awhile, he feels like a faker, so he goes to the Rebbe in street clothes. And the Rebbe said, I thought you were trying to fool the world, by wearing the street clothes, because in essence, you are a chossid. But now I see that you are trying to fool me.
Does that means that if I wear tights or stockings, when I'd really rather wear short skirts and bare legs, I am faking? That I am lying to myself?
I have no idea. I hope that I had an impact on someone today, and yes I feel kind of bad that I don't practice what I preach. Maybe I'll try.
Check this out: it was part of my presentation, and a very nice video. (It's not shtus.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGmWlHfL9aY&eurl=http://www.crownheights.info/
If it's a level you are striving to achieve, then I think it is perfectly fine for you to speak about it. If you are trying to change that about yourself, then why shouldn't you try to change all the other girls along with you, or at the very least inspire them? On the other hand, if you felt that reading non-Jewish books is fine and you do it on a regular basis without feeling guilty about it, then it would be hypocritical to make a presentation about how wrong it is.
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing is to BELIEVE what you say. If you fully agree with all that you said in the presentation, great! If you were just saying meaningless words without feeling them, then you would be a faker.
I wouldn't be able to stand up there and make that speech.
What's wrong with non-Jewish books? All genres?
ReplyDeleteWhat's a Jewish book? Seforim? Books written by frum Jews? Books with frum Jews in it?