Life's ups and downs

I want to write a story. But it involves so many decisions. Should the protagonist be good or bad? Should I kill someone off? Have them die of a natural death? It's a bit like playing G-d. I get to decide what happens to the characters.

Not so much in real life.

I would love to write my own story someday. It is far from over, and G-d willing won't be for quite a number of years. I want to be able to inspire people with my life, the struggles I went through, and what I did to overcome them. Does that sound egotistical? It isn't. Every person has a story to tell. Some stories are more exciting then others, but every story has a starting point, and many ups and downs.

When the bocher Nosson Deitch A"H passed away, someone said something that sounded strange. He said, Nosson was a part of my life, and now all those pages that he was on will be gone, like they were ripped out. But that's not true. Just because someone is gone, doesn't mean they never existed. The ending may be different now, but everything until that point is still the same.

If life is like a book, what do you do to turn the page? When things are just not working? Do you think it's possible to just skip to the next chapter?

I wish that life were like a fairy tale. Once upon a time, they lived happily ever after, and everything in between. But it isn't. You have to create your own destiny. You have to work for your success and your happily ever after.

Sometimes life is so confusing. Like a whirlpool, or a tornado. Everything spinning out of control. I feel like pounding my fists, screaming, crying, or breaking something at all the injustice of it.

But sometimes, sometimes I take out my siddur. I give a little prayer to G-d and say hey, and then I feel better afterward. I feel calm, and I remember that I am not alone in this. He listens, even if it seems He doesn't hear.