What if I told you that I found a place, where I can spy on you, and see all that you do. Every step you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you. Wherever you go, I will know. Whatever you do, good or bad, will be seen by me. How would that make you feel? Scared? Freaked out? Cautious? Would you change what you do just because you knew someone was watching?
Did you ever see a one way mirror? There is one in a shul I used to go to. On the men's side it's a mirror, and on the ladies side it is glass. We had a good laugh watching the men fix their hats, smooth their beards, and even check their teeth in the mirror. And the whole time they were unaware that we were watching. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure they would've behaved differently.
Well there is no such place. For the only One who can truly see everything that goes on is G-d. I can pretend to know stuff, but no one will know everything you do except you, and Him.
On shabbos, while sitting by a friend's window, I had a pretty good view of Kingston Avenue. I noticed people on the roof of a building across the street. They were frum guys, white shirts, kippas, and a few married ladies. While I think it's stupid behavior to hang out on the roof of a building, the number one factor being that it's unsafe, I say, each to his own. So I didn't pay them much attention, until I noticed that the guys were smoking.
Hmm, I thought. It's Shabbos afternoon, they are wearing white shirts, and kippas, so they are obviously observant, at least somewhat. So why can't they wait till after shabbos to smoke, why do it purposely now, and desecrate the Shabbos?
Then I remembered that I'm not supposed to be judgemental, so I tried to let it go. But it still bothered me. And of course, there is nothing I can do about it.
What are you supposed to do? Look the other way? Make believe it's totally fine behavior? Remind yourself that it could be YOU that is smoking, so don't judge at all? Say, if you can't help them, then forget about it?
I wish I didn't have to see that. But I did. And now I don't know what to do about it.
:-X
ReplyDeleteThat sucks.
You don't make believe it is totally fine behavior. You understand that it is a wholly revolting behavior being participated in by people who obviously don't understand the ramifications of the terrible thing they are doing. You should be upset about it, and you should daven that all of us should be saved.
side note: I saw on erev shabbos the comments addressed to me in the other post and I will respond to them as soon as I have a free moment to compose a fitting answer.
:) Thanks. I'm always happy to see a comment from you.
ReplyDeleteI agree, but I always feel like I have to be a neutral party. That if I say something about someone else's behavior, then they will hate me, or worse, point fingers at my own behavior, and I know I don't have the greatest conduct either.
People love to point fingers and call people hypocrites. This is a defense mechanism.
ReplyDeleteIt is also an "ad homonim" attack.
The fact that a person might have their own shortcomings does not take away from the truthfulness of a statement that they make.
Anyways we should judge those people favorably and assume that for whatever reason they had to smoke. That being said we can be realistic and understand that there are people who are troubled and need help.
judging favorably is still judging.
ReplyDeleteAnd by understanding that they are troubled and need help is not helping the situation. Thats the point. I CAN'T help. I just feel bad. No one can help them but themselves.
Judging favorably is good judging.
ReplyDeleteUnderstanding doesnt help those people but it does help the overall situation in the long run it ways that arent necessarily tangible at the moment. You just keep doing the best you can all the time. What each jew does affects every other jew as well as the whole entire world. I feel bad too. I don't know what else to say. Where I come from there are also "closet not religious" types (mostly kids) even among my friends and it makes me feel terrible. You try to have a positive influence on the people you can and otherwise you just do your best in your own life. Hashem should help us.
"You just keep doing the best you can all the time. What each Jew does affects every other Jew as well as the whole entire world. You try to have a positive influence on the people you can and otherwise you just do your best in your own life."
ReplyDeleteGood advice. Now if only I could actually do that....
Thanks. But you make it sound so simple. And I feel like saying, 'well you must be superman if you can talk like this, and you are probably perfect.' But then again, I don't really know you, and that would be judging you to. And as for myself... that's another story.
It isn't simple at all.
ReplyDeleteI don't intend to sound like that.
I am no superman and I am far from perfect.
I am just outlining what we know intellectually that we should do. Even if you aren't holding by doing it just knowing on an intellectual level is already a step in the right direction.
Baruch Hashem we know things. There are people who rachmana l'tzlan don't even know at all.
'Admitting that you have a problem is the 1st step to solving it.' Yes, I know that.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure the ones who are doing it know that it's wrong. And they probably have no qualm admitting it. And they can probably think up a good excuse as to why it's OKAY. Such is the ways of people.
And as hard as it is, I know I should try to come up with an excuse for them too. Cuz thats what you would do for yourself. Although, when I do something wrong I have no problem admitting it. I'm honest like that, and thats why I have a hard time with other ppl.
" ' admitting that you have ap roblem is the 1st step to solbing it' "
ReplyDeletedid someone say this in the interim and then delete it? I am quite confused.
I think I just require sleep though.
I just attempted to write a coherent responst to this post and then deleted it because it didn't make any sense.
" ' admitting that you have ap roblem is the 1st step to solbing it' "
ReplyDeleteya you need sleep.
No, I was just rephrasing what you said here:
'Even if you aren't holding by doing it just knowing on an intellectual level is already a step in the right direction.'
ok. Go to sleep. If you think of anything else let me know.
All in all, I think this topic of discussion goes no where. I like your way of thinking, but is there really a point in discussing something that realistically can't be solved?
So maybe we have just exhausted the topic.
FEIVEL:
ReplyDelete"people who obviously don't understand the ramifications of the terrible thing they are doing"
What are the ramifications?
1. Subverting the will of Hashem and thereby keeping the world from realising its potential
ReplyDeletei.e. becoming a dwelling place for Hashem.
2. everytime you do an aveirah you become a coarser person until eventually (chas v'shalom) you have no remorse for your negative actions.
3. You will eventually need to answer for your actions
4. You can cause painful things to happen to all of klal yisroel
there might be more profound affects but this is all I could think of right now.
I am going to sleep now for real.
good night blogosphere.
Feivel-they may understand. They just don't care.
ReplyDeleteC- correct. So really, there isnt anything you can do.
ReplyDeleteAltie-there is nothing you can do. This isn't your responsibility.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing you can do is make sure YOU don't ever reach that point. Also, you can do everything you can to ensure that the people you know will not reach that point.
I doubt I'll ever reach that point. Then again, there are points that I have reached that I never thought I would. So you may have a point.
ReplyDeleteIt's not my responsibility- but it hurts. And as for my friends, I can only do so much. B"H I haven't encountered this personally yet.
C:
ReplyDeleteIf they don't care then they taka do NOT understand. Obviously someone who understood the metzius fully would not be able to bring him/herself to do an aveira. That is why there needs to be a ruach shtuss to confuse a person in order for them to be able to sin.
Yes, Feivel, I learn Tanya too. I know that.
ReplyDeleteMy point is that all that stuff you spewed in the first comment will not help the situation at all.
that is my point too. Words are very nice, but they don't help anything.
ReplyDeleteI was responding to this:
ReplyDelete"What are you supposed to do? Look the other way? Make believe it's totally fine behavior? Remind yourself that it could be YOU that is smoking, so don't judge at all? Say, if you can't help them, then forget about it?"
I understand that my comments do not directly help those people with that specific issue at hand. That being said it is still important to view this situation in general in the way which I said. Having this view indirectly helps the overall situation in general over the long term at least. (According to a maamer in Likutei Mohoran of Rebbe Nachman even grasping at straws to judge people favorably actually directly helps them and klal yisroel [disclaimer: I am not the type who pushes learning more than one type of Chassidus, I just happen to have learnt this maamer when I was searching for myself])
Good good.
ReplyDeleteAnd have you found yourself yet? :P
Oh you still didn't reply to my other comments...
I know!
ReplyDeleteI spent all day assisting my sister (who you were tricked into assuming was a brother) into college. I returned to the hotel in Passaic just in time to write this past response before a friend called me and we just sat outside for an hour talkings. Then I spilled beer in the bed. Responses will be forthcoming.
and yes I have found myself.
ReplyDelete'we just sat outside for an hour talking. Then I spilled beer in the bed.' How did you get from outside to the bed? Or do I not want to know...
ReplyDeleteGood job on finding yourself. I've heard that a state of being lost is very confusing.
hahah two different instances.
ReplyDeleteI sat outside talking for an hour with a friend.
Then in a totally different series of events I sat down on the hotel bed and accidentally knocked over a beer. Sorry for the confusion.
Yes being lost is incredibly confusing. I lost hours of sleep in yeshiva over trying to figure out what Hashem wants from me.
This is relevant to the forthcoming response so I won't ruin it.
:) I wasn't confused, I was joking around. No, I didn't actually think you were in the bed with your friend. But beer in bed- that is a no no.
ReplyDeleteOkay I'll wait for your response but I just want to say, that it is scary how there are 2 similar perspectives, that end up in 2 extreme directions. And such is the way of the world.
I.E. You were lost and confused, and you found yourself, by finding chassidus.
There are other such 'lost' souls out there, and they 'find themselves' by going off the derech and abandoning Judaism altogether.
Ironic, but sad.
Beer in bed is a no no:
ReplyDeleteWhen you are in a hotel room the bet functions also as a couch and a table and a chair
What you said is truly very scary. I struggle with this on a daily basis. I have alot of friends who are not religious. I will address that in my next blog post.
were they not religious to begin with, or went off? Thats the hardest part, when you see someone who used to be frum, and then they just disappear, and you don't know why. It makes you question your own beliefs.
ReplyDelete