Ever saw those leash thingys that people use with little kids, to keep them from running into the street? You clip it to the back of the kids shirt, and hold on to the end of the string, and voila! You are walking your child. Brilliant invention.
I always wondered how the child felt when they are rudely yanked back, how frustrating it is to them when they are trying to run into the street, but the adult won't let them. Why not? Why are you stopping me from having fun? But of course we, the knowing adult, are aware that we are doing it for the child's benifit, to keep them away from danger. The child may not know it, or acknoweledge it, but it is really in their best interest.
I went driving today, with my instructor. I'm a good driver, if I do say so myself. And though the instructer has a break on his side, for the same purpose as the child leash, he rarely uses it, because I drive safely. The times that frustrates me are when I'm trying to park, or make a 3 point turn, and he steps on the break, when I am just about to do it myself. I feel like saying, stop! Let me do it by myself! But of course I don't. I grit my teeth, and continue driving.
My father was telling me about something I did that he didn't approve of. So I said, 'It's all part of growing up. You have to let your kids figure it out themselves, and they won't always do what you think is best, they will decide it on their own.' His response was: 'Did you think up that line all by yourself, or did one of your friends text it to you?' He didn't agree with my theory.
Give me a manual, and I'll be stubborn and try to figure it out on my own. Tell me what to do, and I'll dig in my heels, and refuse. With most children, they rarely like to listen to instructions. They are excited to jump right in and figure it out by themselves. The whole wide world is open to them, and they are itching to discover it. And then they are rudely yanked back to reality and told, 'Bedtime, sweety. You'll play more tomorrow.'
How unfair it is. How annoying it is when people tell you what to do and how to do it. If only they would leave me alone and let me figure it out.
But no one said life is fair. No one said anything is supposed to be fair.
And it's all a part of growing up.
I am condensing my long lost post from last night into the following short idea.
ReplyDeleteIt is apparent from what you wrote that while you understand the need for the leash, you still in some way resent being held on one (metaphorically.)
This makes sense because now that we are older we can understand that when we were children we needed guidance. However, we think that now we are ready to be free.
Maybe when we are even older we will appreciate the new restrictions are parents placed on us. Even if we never agree with or appreciate with those limitations we can at least appreciate that our parents had good intentions.
At the end of the day even with all of the advice from all of the seemingly right people it really comes down to you.
When I wanted to leave the yeshivish velt I got pushed by so many people including close rebbeim who I greatly respected to change my mind. A Rabbi who I learned with briefly wouldn't talk to me. But I knew that they were wrong and that I had to follow my convictions. Its complicated.
I dont agree with you though that it is unfair. Nothing is unfair.
Nothing is UNfair? really? usually everyone says, 'life's not fair. Get used to it.'
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have a different take on everything. You seem to have unshakable faith, and I wonder where you get it from, or if it is a fake facade. Ever since you started commenting on my blog, you always seem to say things about G-d, Emuna, belief, faith, etc. And while that is a good thing, and I respect that, it makes me wonder where you get it from.
So you think I'm not old enough to be 'set free'? You think I still need my parents to tell me what to do? I won't even use the term 'guidence' here, because that's not how my parents work. When they are frustrated, or faced with a problem, it's right away, 'well because G-d said so!' or, 'It says it in the Torah!'.
Yes, I know that, and it's all well and good, but that doesn't make me want to follow it any quicker. They don't understand that.
It really comes down to me. Yes, I know that too. Because no matter how many times they tell me to do something, or not to do something, I will still choose my own path, and they really can't do anything about it. But I'm honest enough to tell them, even if I do something that I know they dissaprove of.
I KNOW that bounderies are necessary, and that children need guidance. I just wonder UNTIL WHEN. Am I gonna be 25 and still have my parents telling me what to do? (And just btw, my parents rarely tell me what to do. Sometimes they just show their dissaproval.)
I know I'm acting like a child right now. But I'm trying to find my independance. And it seems like no one is letting me grow up.
altie, aaltie, altie, you have to know that independance isnt something that someone gives you, it's something that you make of yourself and decide for yourself. i think the issue you have with some of the things you are told to do (and don't want to do)stems from a much deeper problem... deeper than just wanting to be independant, cuz if you wanted to do those things based on belief in G-d, it doesnt matter what anyone else says, you are doing it for Him and for Him alone.
ReplyDeleteanonymous, anonymous, anonymous. Do you have a name?
ReplyDeleteSo you are saying, the things I want independence on, the things that I am told to do but don't want to do, are things that I shouldn't be doing, or should be doing but don't want to, and goes against what G-d says?