I just want to say goodbye

I hate goodbyes. I hate endings. I hate moving on from situations that I have been in for awhile. Be it school, camp, jobs. Goodbyes make me cry. They make me sad. Even if sometimes they are for the best. You are moving on to bigger and better things. New beginnings. More opportunities. But I still find it hard and wish I didn't have to go through it.

Be that as it may, goodbyes are a part of life. We can't stay in the same place forever, so often we will find ourselves having to let go and move on. It is not always easy.

Why do we have such a hard time letting go? When it's time to leave and say goodbye, do you hold on just a tiny bit longer?

When I was 12 I went to overnight camp. I had a sucky great time. At the end of the summer, I had to say my goodbyes. I came home after being away for 2 months. My house felt different and weird. I hadn't seen my family in awhile. So I sang the goodbye song that we sang at the end of camp, and I cried. Because I missed it. I missed the friends I made, the experience. And my family, they didn't understand. Because they weren't there with me.

The chorus of the song went like this:

"It's so hard to say goodbye.
No it's not easy to part.
Holding back the cries.
It's sure to break my heart.

Memories of days.
And everything we've done.
Deep down in my soul,
I am you, yes we are one."

It was hard for me to go away for high school. I cried every time I left home to go back to school. When I graduated high school, I didn't want to move on to seminary. When seminary was over, I didn't want to say goodbye to everything, the friends, the experience, Israel. But I did.

Since then, I haven't had that many goodbyes. I don't know if that's a good thing. Either I am not meeting many new people, or I am managing to keep people in my life.

Would it be easier if we never say goodbye?

There's a saying, "Chassidim dagenin zich nisht"- Chassidim never part. Because we are always one, we are always united.

"I'll never say goodbye.
Chassidim dagenin zich nisht,
we will never part.
Farbrenging side by side
we are joined as one heart.

Every memory,
has made a change in me.
Now I must bring it to reality."

Ask a child who's parent snuck off in middle of the night and never came back. Or a child who lost a parent suddenly. They never got a chance to say goodbye.

Goodbyes are not always easy. But they bring closure. It is an ending. It's over. You say your goodbyes, and now you can move on.

Just writing about it makes me sad. I think about all the people I left behind, all the years that are gone. I wonder and I hope that it has all stuck with me, and contributed to who I am today.

I wish we didn't have to go through the pain of saying goodbyes in order to become the people that we are meant to be.

But that is life.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

So goodbye, to all those that I have left behind. The good, the bad, and the unmemorable.