Trauma

The body heals itself. Pain dulls and eventually fades away with time. Like memories.

They say time heals all wounds. I say time heals most wounds. There are some that can never be healed. They lessen into a dull ache that sits in the back of your mind quietly, until something brings it up. And then it throbs anew. And it doesn't stop.

But as the rule goes, time heals all wounds. Superficial wounds, like cuts and bruises. You can watch them heal, day by day. You can see its progress, as the cut closes up, as the bruise turns purple, and then a dull yellow, and eventually you cannot tell the difference between the wound and the perfect skin around it.

And you take that as a sign that all is well, that you are better now. That the trauma is gone.

Until you get a new wound and it starts all over again.

I had routine blood work done last week. They stuck a needle in my vein. I watched it. And then I couldn't stop thinking about it. It didn't really hurt, but I anticipated pain. So it hurt. My brain made it hurt. You can do that. You can control or create your own pain.

And then for days afterwards I would remember the needle being stuck in, and it would hurt all over again. Phantom pain. It made me nauseous. I tried to remind myself that it wasn't real, that it didn't really hurt.

You do that, you try to get over it, to get past it, to forget.

Now, the bruise is so tiny, it is almost gone. And the pain? What pain? I forgot how it felt entirely, and that is a blessing.

Yes, the body is fascinating, and the brain is a powerful tool. The body has the ability to heal itself.

And the brain- the brain has the ability to forget. To erase and move on.

I wonder what is imprinted on our memories, what we will eventually forget, and what will stick with us forever.

And how much of our pain do we ourselves create? How much trauma have we gone through unnecessarily?

What doesn't kill you, does it really make you stronger, or does it leave a mark so deep that maybe no one can ever see?