I believe

This article has been published in The Jewish Press

For thousands of years the world has held it's breath,
waiting for this moment in time,
waiting for you,
waiting for me.

I reach up to kiss the mezuza,
I don't know why.
I don't know much of anything,
but I know that I believe.

I believe, I believe, I believe.

No, they tell me, that's not enough.
You have to know. You have to learn.
So I learn, and I learn,
some things make no sense, but I listen anyway,
internalize, cuz they told me to. Maybe they know what I do not.

I don't know why I learn,
I don't know much of anything,
but I know that I believe.

I believe, I believe, I believe.

Still not enough, they tell me.
Now you have to tell the world. Spread the word.
So I do. I listen to them, cuz maybe they know more then me.
I say it nicely, I hand out pamphlets, and candles,
all the while wondering why I'm doing this.

I don't know why I do this.
I don't know much of anything,
but I know that I believe.

I believe, I believe, I believe.

No, not like that, they tell me.
You have to scream it, like you mean it.
But I do mean it.
So I scream. I scream in my heart, I scream to the world,
I do it cuz they told me to, and maybe they know more than me.

I don't know why I'm doing this,
I don't know much of anything,
but I know that I believe.

I believe, I believe, I believe.

Still not enough. It's never enough. It can't be enough.
You can't stop, can't let up, until it's over.
Until we have reached our goal.
They just keep saying it, keep saying it,
like they still mean it. Still smiling, still enthusiastic.
But I'm not so sure of it anymore.

I wanna scream. I wanna throw a glass into the fire,
and hear it shatter, like the sound my heart would make.
I wanna shout to the heavens, and hear the thunder rumble,
and see the lightening flash,
and feel the raindrops on my skin,
icy cold,
and know, that G-d is screaming too.

I wanna bang my fists on heaven's door,
and storm in there,
with the fury that I feel.
Cuz it's not enough. It never seems to be enough.
And the storm rages still.

And I don't know what more there is to do.
I don't know what G-d could possibly want from us,
that He holds it back, this one thing which we need.
And the frustration consumes me.

I don't know much of anything.
But I know, that despite it all, I still believe.
Not because they told me to.
But because in my heart, I know the truth.

And I whisper, as the storm reaches a crescendo,
Ani maamin.
I believe, I believe, I believe.