I want to write, but I can't. I can't, because most of the stuff I want to say shouldn't be shared here.
Someone pointed out to me that my blog is mostly about me. I laughed and thought that was absurd. I said my blog is about how I relate to the world, and other people, my thoughts and feelings on things, etc. Then I noticed how many times I said I, or 'me' in that sentence. But why would anyone want to read about my life? And the answer I got was, 'your life is interesting to read about.'
I'm not sure what that meant, or how I should feel about that, but I'll take it.
I'm writing with my new laptop, and the cursor isn't working properly. It keeps moving postions, and typing in random sentences, places it's not supposed to be. It keeps straying. It's (damn) annoying, and I feel like cursing myself, but I'm not supposed to. (A curse in parenthesis doesn't count. My rule.)
I could tell you about the text I got, the standard one from my friends, showing that they care about me. I could tell you what the text means, and why I shouldn't have gotten it.
I could tell you about how I heard Jewish music playing in the local Jewish supermarket, and I thought, that's weird, I haven't heard this stuff in a long time.
I could tell you about how I heard someone davening, and saying tehillim, and wishing that person was me.
I could tell you a lot of things. But I'm not going to. I'm going to keep quiet, and you are going to make believe you heard all the stuff I'm not telling you. That's how it's gonna work.
And I'm gonna feel better for telling you, and you are gonna nod your heads in understanding, and tell me, 'don't worry, everything will be okay.'
And I will believe you, because I have to believe.
Thanks for listening.
I think that for many people, reading about someone else's live are ways of escaping the monotonous routine of everyday lives. In fact, reading a book or watching a movie achieves the same goal – for a while, we escape reality and revel in the potential of imagination, and can concentrate on someone else's trouble.
ReplyDeleteAnd you can tell us all of that stuff without putting "I could tell you.." infront of every one, we wont judge you (speaking for everybody?). But seriously think how much money you saved from this blog. Psychiatrist are so expensive these days.
Thanks for sharing.
Tv and movies and books are definitely an escape from reality, but I never thought of a blog on the same level.
ReplyDelete:) I could tell you, but I'm probably not going to. I'm not worried about you judging me, but I do have a reputation to uphold.
And ya, I feel so much better now that I shared all this with you. (I'm half sarcastic.)
See, this is where being an anonymous blogger pays off. HA! I still dont exactly know WHAT you shared, it was all kinda vague, but that was the point i take it.
ReplyDeleteAnd why do you think the Truman Show was so successful? It offered people an escape out of their lives.
Stop looking up the truman show... it's not chassidish
ReplyDeletetruman show the movie? ha, I didnt have to look it up, i watched it. and i am flattered that you think i'm chassidish. there is still hope.
ReplyDeleteit's sad that people cant deal with their own lives, and need other things to distract them or entertain them, even the prospect that someone elses life is more pathetic then their own.
I can see the plus of being an anonymous blogger, but I like the fact that I am open about who i am. anonymity has a certain shaddow, a cloak of mystery, that makes the reader never be able to guess who you are, and you, be able to be whoever you want to be. that can be a bad thing,if you let your reservations go.
and i can tell you exactly what i am talking about, but not here, not now. and i doubt you will benifit from hearing anyway, so why bother?
It's not sad, that is how comedy was invented. The greatest invention since the second wheel (seriously, what can you do with one wheel?).
ReplyDeleteYou like the fact that you are open about who you are? SNORT! "I could tell you... but i can't because i have a reputation to consider", what is the upside to being open if you have to -once again- put up so many walls that no one can see you? Seems to me that I'm (not to make this personal) am more open than you, for i have no fear about what people think and i certainly do not worry about a reputation.
And what is with all the "i doubt you will benifit from hearing anyway, so why bother?"??? What new disease is this? Since when do you care? What's going on? I have fallen down the rabbit hole and landed in kuku land... Time for my meds.
Okay. So you want me to spell it out for you? you want me to tell you evertything written between the lines that I didnt say?
ReplyDeletewhat is your point exactly? cuz I see some question marks, but no real questions.
and if my blogger name was queen of shibba, and you had absolutely no idea who i was or where i was from, i probably wouldnt share it with you anyway. probably.
have fun in rabbit land.
I was trying to rant, and it did not work. Anyway, i was just jacking your chain, it's all good. I respect your honesty and openness, and you are free to share whatever you want. I can read in between lines and i get it. Sorry baut all the attacks.
ReplyDeleteAlso, could you do me a solid and take part in the survey on my blog so i could feel good about myself? Thanks.
ReplyDeletedo you get it? do you really? i doubt it.
ReplyDeleteapology accepted.
now i will be nice and go check out your blog. cuz im nice.
voted. though i dont see how a poll abt yossis blog will make you feel better abt yourself.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice that you still wish you were different, and that change bothers you. Now is the time to do something about it, otherwise you'll just stop caring.
ReplyDeleteI'm rooting for you.
:) thank you C, that means a lot to me. I hope I have the strength to do whats right.
ReplyDeleteYou have the strength. You need the will. Believe me, it is a constant struggle.
ReplyDeleteWe should farbreng about it ;). Rabbi Levinger said he would come by if people want to farbreng... would you come?
sure. just let me know where and when. thursday evenings are best for me. or sunday.
ReplyDeleteIt will tell me that people come to my blog... i thought that was obvious.
ReplyDelete:) i thought you knew that i come to your blog. i did tell you that i missed you from the blogsphere when u disappeared for a while, and i was happy to see you posting again. though that loooong post turned me off. even though i did read it eventually.
ReplyDeletewell now u know. and if we are being open here, thanks for almost always reading my new posts, and commenting. i like your comments even if they are frustratingly annoying sometimes.
poor altie, i think u have the cheshvan blues
ReplyDeleteI knew, i know and thank you, i know, i know but it wasent THAT long was it? i know.
ReplyDeleteYour most welcome, it's my pleasure, please post more stuff... frustratingly annoying? that dosent sound like me.
i really liked this, altie. it had a feeling of raw honestly that some of your other posts lack. and this was despite all the vague references.
ReplyDeletethis felt like it just poured out of you, no editing, no painstaking thought.
C - RABBI LEVINGER!! OH I AM SO THERE!!!
9:30 Wednesday night, my place. Spread the world... he asked me to get the word out to all the alum from all the seminaries, but I don't know that many people. Please tell all.
ReplyDeleteoy.... am i gonna be up late.... but rabbi levinger is worth it, right????
ReplyDeleteTotally!!
ReplyDeletecheerio- thanks! im happy to hear that.
ReplyDeletebig n8t- lol. thanks. your comments are ok, keep them coming.
and C- i got your txt. but im not sure if i can make it... i want to..
He couldn't make Thursday... I did ask though. Big convention this weekend...
ReplyDeletestory of my life...
ReplyDelete