Fading away

Remember the time we turned on blasting music in our room, and we danced? Yes, even I danced. And we got it on video. And the neighbor came upstairs, and boy did he scream!

Remember those nights we would sit and talk way after midnight? And I would read something I wrote for my blog, and you would tell me in an awed voice, 'someday you are gonna be a famous author, and I'll be able to say, we used to be roommates!'

Remember when I had a stalker, and you helped me? I couldn't deal with it, and you made sure it all turned out okay.

Remember when you were homesick, and I talked you through it?

Remember when we went to the park, and lit candles, and burned stuff? And then we prank called people?

Remember when we sat on our bench and talked for hours? And when we went walking, and tried to go every night? 

Remember when we used to laugh together, like we shared an inside joke?

Do you remember? Do you remember everything like I do?

Then tell me why you see me online and you say 'hi how are you' I smile and say, 'good thank g-d'. And it's the same every day. And you ask me what I'm doing in life, and I tell you what I'm up to. And we exchange news. And that's it. And again the next day. And I think, not much can change in a day, can it?

Tell me why I think of our friendship wistfully, like it happened in the past. And why I forgot your birthday. Tell me why I wish things can go back to how they once were, but I can't make it work in the present. Tell me why I don't have your number, and if I did, I wouldn't call you.

Tell me, please. Tell me why people move on, and leave only memories behind.

Our friendship fades away, and I do nothing to stop it. And I wonder, deep in my heart, is it my fault, or is it something inevitable, that can't be helped?

I will still say hi to you when I see you online, and even make the little smiley face that tells you I am happy to talk to you. And I will still go through the routine of asking how you are, and answering the question back, even if I know that we are leaving a lot unsaid. Things are different now.

I'm learning to let go, let memories be memories, and realize that some friendships were not meant to last.

It hurts when they fade away... but maybe I have to learn to let it be.