I'm happy cuz I'm free. Cuz now I can do whatever I want. I'm happy cuz I'm not tied down. Cuz I can get up whenever I want, buy a ticket, get on a plane. Go to Mexico. Or Cambodia. Wherever. And no one would miss me. No one would call me demanding to know where I am. Free. No strings attached.
I'm happy walking outside, enjoying the pleasant weather. I'm happy sitting on a bench, on the busy street, watching the cars go by. I'm happy with the wind in my hair.
I'm happy even though I'm tired. I'm falling asleep on the subway, and still I find time to laugh at the guy facing the wrong doors, as it pulls to a stop. Only to realize that he wasn't getting off after all, and the joke was on me.
I'm happy when I see a girl with balloons, and I imagine that it is her birthday. I am happy for her.
I am happy despite being sick with a cold, and wishing I can go to sleep for a long time.
I am happy cuz I'm standing there, and the subway rushes towards me really fast, and I love the feeling I get every time, my hair whipping about, and the thrill, that feeling that I am standing so close to the edge, but I know I won't go over. I just know.
I am happy because I am me, and no one else. Because I was born for a reason, even though that reason seems to evade me many a time.
I am happy cuz I have friends, even though they sometimes lock the door when I am still out, and then don't bother to call to see where I am and if I'm safe.
I'm happy cuz I'm driving the car by myself, no pressure in the back seat. And the music is blasting, and I'm singing on the top of my lungs. And I have a bad cold, and I know I sound bad, even to my own ears, but luckily I can't hear it. And what the heck. We only live once.
I'm happy cuz I have family who love me. Cuz they care. Cuz I can call them up on the phone, even when I am living a few blocks away. And it's okay to cry to them. To them, cuz they understand. Cuz even if they can't help, they want to make the ache go away. And they will talk to you, and even make jokes that are not funny, just to make you feel better. Just to hear you laugh. And they always tell you not to worry, that everything will be okay. And even if you know that may not be true, you believe them, you trust them. Cuz they make it all better. And that makes me happy.
I'm happy even if I don't always smile. I'm happy even if I don't show it. I'm happy despite the things that go wrong in my life. Because when I am having a really bad day, and yes, maybe I even feel depressed, I walk outside, and I feel the sunshine. Or I see the full moon shining in the nighttime sky. And it is so beautiful, and so natural. And how can you not be happy?
And I smile, an ironic smile, cuz who am I to be upset. And I remember who I am, and where I have come from, where I am going. I remember.
Yes I'm happy. You may look at me and not see it. But really, am I supposed to care what you think? You don't know what goes on in my head. You don't know my thoughts and feelings. You think you know. You want to know. You try to know. But you don't.
No, I'm not happy all the time. But admit it, neither are you.
And don't try to call my bluff. Because I'll call you on yours.
you have a few contradicting points in here...no one would call you if you disappeared to cambodia, yet you have your family ..? you love life but you like that feeling of almost falling to a gory death beneath thy train???
ReplyDeleteWhat a load of bull. You got insulted when hh said "stop with your depressing post, and how about you put up something good that happened for once..." So now you think you have to prove something. Do yourself a favor and read what Mr. Spinoza has to say about the emotion happiness.
ReplyDeleteyou know what we're told to do if we're happy:
ReplyDelete"If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it...clap your hands."
chanalia- for further critiqe and editing, i'll be sure to come to you.
ReplyDeletebig n8t- very astute you are. and all i have to say is, yes i was proving a point. but i still believe that everything i wrote was true.
thanks yossi. :) so all i gotta do is clap my hands and im happy?
big n8t- i googled mr spinoza. but the thing i came up with is probably not what you were referring to.
ReplyDeletehttp://plato.stanford.edu/entries/spinoza/
ReplyDelete2.4 Passion and Action
Enjoy
no, the song says you must stomp your feet also
ReplyDelete:) anything else I should know abt? i wouldnt want to be doing it wrong.
ReplyDeleteye well finally u decided to put up something not depressing, even though the no one would miss me part was depressing. because u know that if u run off in middle of the night your family or/and friends would move sky and earth to find you, you see that's a happy thought, not the part which they wouldn't miss you.
ReplyDeleteawwww are you saying that if I ran off, you would miss me?
ReplyDeleteyou know my point was not that they wouldnt miss me. the point was that it would be nice to get away from everything some time, just be by myself and not feel like everyone just wants something from me.
but yes, it is nice to know that if i wasnt here my family and friends would miss me.
ha, u do that and then ur gna b depressed on how u dnt have any1 with u, so just b happy with what ug ot girl, cz theres plenty of ppl who dnt even have a quarter of what u have
ReplyDeletethat is so typical 'eat your food cuz there are kids starving in Africa.'
ReplyDeleteThanks. Me being happy with what I have will not make anyone else have more then they do. Faulty logic.
But either way, I am grateful for what I have.
well you see you're missing the point here, the point isn't if what u have u gave it to them then they'll be happier, the point is that people with much less than you are living happy and fulfilling lives, so you should take that as a lesson i life.
ReplyDeletelesson for life: be happy no matter what. check.
ReplyDeleteand why do u seem to think that im not happy, whewn i just wrote a whole page on why im happy? seriously, read the words.
hh- spell out your you's, be's,dont use numbers to replace letters and punctuate. it is impossible to read what you write.
ReplyDeletei agree with fakewoood. And dont curse on my blog!
ReplyDelete