Good bye, Bais Chomesh

I finished high school 10 months ago. But I feel like now I really said good bye.

My fours years there were good, in general. I had a lot of ups and downs, but it was my school, where I belonged. Naturally, I wanted to go visit when I came home for pesach. And thats when I realized, I no longer belong there.

The walls seemed different. I think they were painted. But it was the same, exactly as I remembered it. Same classrooms, chairs, bathroom, shul. Yet there was something missing, somehow. My class, my friends. There were new girls, new teachers, and some of the old teachers had left.

It was exactly how I remembered it, and yet, I was a stranger, somehow. I tried to fit in, but they were all staring at me, discussing how much I've changed since I left. Someone told me I look like a teacher. I tried my best not to get insulted.

I oohed and aaad, over how different things were, and how I can't believe I had ever left, etc etc. But it was a bittersweet feeling. I could hear the walls echoing with long ago laughter. I saw all out memories in my minds eye, like it all happened that day. All the memories we made, the good times we share. Now, it's all gone, commited to memory. The girls have forgotten us, and soon, the sounds will fade, and the walls will forget, too.

I was sad, yes. But I didn't miss it as much as I thought I would. Last year, I thought I would cry, and refuse to leave. I didn't want to think beyond high school. I was terrified of leaving, of growing up. I hated change. But I left. And here I am.

So goodbye, Bais Chomesh. Thank you for all the good times, and for everything I gained, from the four years I spent there. I'll never forget my memories, and the days and time we shared. But I don't belong there anymore, I've moved on. And I'm not as scared as I used to be, of the future.

I'll miss it, yes. But in a whimsical way. I finally stopped looking back, and now I look forward, to next year, to my future, and what G-d has in store for me.

I'm ready, G-d. Bring it on!