Communication

I just couldn't sit still. I felt like a live wire, energy coursing through me. I wanted to jump on a trampoline. I could probably have run a marathon. I definitly didn't want to be sitting in class. But there I was.

They were all quiet, taking notes, or listening. I was trying to figure out if I was the only one not paying attention, when I noticed some girls sleeping, doing puzzles, talking. So that was their way of dealing with it. I got up and walked out. I needed to be moving. I just got back from my trip, and jet lag was setting in.

She was sleeping. I sat there staring at her, willing her to wake up. But my thought waves passed right over her, and she continued sleeping, peacefully. I drummed my fingers. I fidgeted. I made some noise, hoping it would wake her up, 'by accident'. But she slept through it all.

How can you sleep now, I thought. I'm so bored. I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored. Wake up and keep me company! But she slept on.

Don't you know I'm bored? How can you sleep when I'm not even tired?

When I'm going through an emotional crises, how come you don't feel my pain?
When I am happy, how come you don't shriek with me?

When I am down in the dumps, why aren't you right down there with me?

When I am hungry, why isn't everyone eating?

When I am dieting, why aren't you all starving?

Why are we having class now, when I am bored, and don't want to listen?

Why can't we do the things I want, when I want, how I want?

Why doesn't the world revolve around Altie?

These are feelings and thoughts that every human being feels at one point or another. A selfish urge, a yearning, to have the whole world reflect on your feelings.

When I am in a bad mood, I am mad at the sun for shining. When I laugh out of happiness, I wonder why G-d caused it to rain and thunder. Why doesn't the world pick up on my feelings, know what I want, and how to react?

When someone asks me how I'm feeling, how comw they don't just know?

I wish my brain was transparent, and if someone really wanted, they could just take a peak into my head, to see what I am thinking, instead of asking me to explain myself. But I always say, they'd probably be scared off by my thoughts.

I always wondered how those mood rings are supposed to work, or if they are even accurate. Imagine just showing someone your finger, without having to say a word, and they would know how you were feeling.

But alas, that is not how the world works.

When I am happy, when you are sad,
or sad while you are happy.

When I am hungry, when you are full,

or full while you are hungry.

When I am jumpy, when you are tired,

or tired, while you are wide awake.

When I am bored while you are busy,

or busy when you are bored.

When I can't be bothered to go to class,

or want to stay at home with a book,

When you are dressed up to go out,

while I am curled up in bed with hot cocoa.

We are two different people, and we will not always feel the same things, or behave the same way, even while going through the same situation. We will react differently, and have to deal accordingly. And yes, though it may bother me that you don't feel the same way I do, all the time, it is something I have to deal with.

If you want someone to know how you feel, you have to verbalize it. It's not easy, especially if you have problems communicating your feelings. But it is more worth it to tell someone that you are upset with them, then to shoot them daggers the whole day, and have them wondering what is wrong with you, and why you are so upset. Speak up, don't keep quiet.

And no, the world does not revolve around you. You are just a mere spec of dust in the grand scheme of things. As nice as it would be to have everyone feeling the same way you do, all the time, it is not going to happen.

I am a part of the world, and the world is a part of me. But we are separate entities, we are not one. Communication is the key.