My life as a teenage robot

She asked me to write about being a teeneager. I laughed, because, being almost 19, I hardly identify myself as a teen anymore. My image of a typical teenager is colorful blobs, giggling behind their cell phone screens, as they text each other during class. Their areas of interest would be make-up, clothes, friends, and a little bit of parents and school. They don't seem to think too much, and their emotions extend as far as anger, towards their parents, and the world, for ruining their life.

I got down off my high horse and realized, none of that is fair. I laughed at myself, because I seemingly switched over to the 'dark side', that of an adult, when I wasn't looking. In essence, I'm still a teenager, still going through that stage in my life.

At times, I wish it would be over quickly, that everything would just fall into place, and make sense once again. But in truth, these years are such an opportunity. We each have a blank canvas, and we were given the chance to paint our own individual painting. Our life, our future. So why waste it? Use these years to shape yourself, your character. Give yourself the chance to find out who you really are, become who you want to be. When you think about it that way, how can being a teenager be a bad thing at all?

Teens are as far from robots as they come. I see it as an emotional trainreck just waiting to happen. There are so many things going on in life right now. I never learnt how to multi-task, so I know that for me, it can get very confusing, and frustrating at times. I want to scream, I want to cry. At times I have the urge to hit something. Then I eat something, and go to sleep, and everything looks better in the morning.

Do our parents understand us? My first reply is heeeeeeck no. No way. How could they? But they were teenagers themselves one time, long ago. As much as it seems that they want to ruin our life, they're really just looking out for us. They worry about us, they want to be a part of out life. They try their hardest to understand us, and it's very frustrating to them when we shut them out. Being a teen may be hard for us, but as a parent, I think they have it way harder. And it doesn't help much that we think everything they do is wrong, and we try to shut them out at every turn.

Finding yourself. Ha. I have to lose myself first, in order to find myself. Who came up with that term? I like to think of it more as 'molding yourself.' You don't need to find yourself. If you stop and think about it, you're right there. You know who you are. It's easy to forget, yes. But there's no need to 'find yourself', just sift through the good and bad. Pick out the parts of yourself that you like. Pat yourself on the back for your good qualities, your accomplishments. And pick a few negitive qualities you want to work on. You're molding your personality.

Suppose you did 'lose yourself'. It can happen. There are many things that come in our way, that block our view. People, events, the world. They influence who we are, and where we are trying to go. We have a goal, and things come in the way, and prevent us from getting there. Clinically, this is called depression. But I don't like clinical terms. I'd call it a 'minor set-back'. A roadblock in your path.

When I am in a bad mood, sometimes I forget all the happy times I had, and it seems I'll never be happy again. That's depression. But it only comes because you forget. You forget who you are, and where you are going. Just like darkness is the absence of light, depression is just the absence of happiness. You need to take your mind off it, do something you enjoy doing. Read a book. Listen to music. And when you're ready, you get yourself back on track, and remind yourself of your goal, and who you are. Don't let anyone discourage you, or trip you up. This is YOUR life, and you are in control. keep it that way, and keep your eye on the goal.

It is important to have friends. I remember once when I was little, someone asked me who my best friend was. And I froze, and struggled to come up with a name, someone she didn't know, so she wouldn't know the truth, that I didn't have a best friend. And then I got an email from someone, and it almost made me cry. This is what is said:

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
Another , 'Let's fight together,'
Another , 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman.
But for many, it's wrapped up in several..
One from 7th grade, One from high school,
Several from the college years, a couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother, On some days your neighbour,
On others, your sisters, And on some days, your daughters.

(And my favorite line...) A good friend will visit you in jail, a true friend will help you hide the body.

So there you go. Friends are a vital part of our life. Without friends, you are practically dead. Someone once told me that I put a wall around my heart and didn't let anyone in. And my response was, duh, because if you let people in, you're setting yourself up to get hurt. Well, I've changed. It's easier now to 'let people in.' Yes, you may get hurt. But if you don't open up, you'll never know. And some bad will always come in with the good. But we have to say that hopefully we can sift out the bad, and we will come out a stronger person from it.

Reputations and social standings. School, stress, peer pressure. These are all just labels. I hate labels, it packages things together, and leaves no room for individuality. Let's look beyond the label. You are very much affected by your friends, and your peers. To do the right thing, or not. It's never an easy decision to make.

When I was little, I wanted to go skating with my friends. They happened to be going to a mixed rink, and my mother didn't let me go. I was mad at her, but she made the decision for me, the right decision. Now that I'm older, it's my decision to make. My friends went to see a movie, and invited me along. I battled with myself, to go or not to go. I didn't think it was so appropriate. I asked my mother what to do, and she said, it's your decision, I trust you to make the right one. (Thanks Ma, now you give me free choice?) I went to the movies with my friends. No, I didn't make the right choice.

But the choice is yours to make. Don't let anyone bully you into doing anything you think is wrong, or you don't want to do. You'll regret it later. Be smart, and go against the tide, instead of 'going with the flow', as most tend to do.

There are 'popular people' in school. And then there's YOU, Feel free to be yourself. Be comfortable with who you are. Don't try to live in other peoples shadows. Don't jump when they tell you to, do, think, or speak like anyone else. Just be YOU. That's the most important thing.

Guys. Another sore topic, that I've thought about millions of times. The temptation to talk to, and socialize with guys, is very strong. But it is there for a reason, so you'll be attracted to your husband, and be able to have a good relationship with him, and marriage. A good thing before it's time is not a good thing at all. It's not easy. At times, it seems that my friends don't understand me, and in my mind, a guy would understand me so much better.

Which may be true. But don't forget, the guy may see it differently than you do. You may only want to connect on an emotional level, and the guy wants it to go physical. Which is another whole topic on it's own, but suffice it to say that G-d knew what He was doing when He made the laws of shomer negia, and set boundries for us. Because He knew that we wouldn't be able to set boundries for ourself.

There's no solution for it. My only advice is, hold tight, and wait for that special someone, your soul mate, who is out there, and waiting for you. I like to think of marriage as giving your spouse a present. And who likes a present thats already been opened, and used? Think about it.

I never thought about college, when I was growing up. No, thats not true. I thought about it. I wasn't going. Then recently, I changed my mind. I started thinking of my future. What should I do after seminary? Besides getting a job, (which most you need a college degree for anyway) I didn't want to go on a year of shlichus, or second year of seminary. I do want to get married, but you can't plan that. So why not go to college? I want to get a degree in psychology, become a psychologist and help people. That can only be a good thing, right? And nowadays, with frum colleges, I don't even have to worry about the atmosphere. So what can be wrong?

Well apparently, more things than I knew about. The second I mentioned it, I had various people jumping on my back, trying to convince me otherwise. And then I had some friends who thought it was a great idea, because I'm so smart, and why waste my brains? (Their words, not mine.) I'm still trying to decide what to do. Of course it doesn't help that I have a hard time making decisions, and I'm a pesimist, and I'm lazy, so I'm already worrying about slacking off, and not going to class. Or the fact that I have to go to school for SIX WHOLE YEARS to get a decent degree.

I'm not going to get into the halachic point of view, or what the Rebbe says, even though I respect his views. I'm not going to touch on if it's 'right or wrong', because everyone has their own opinion of that. I think the bottem line is, college exposes you to the world out there. And don't get me wrong. I am not of the opinion that we should shield children from the world, that we should live in a bouble, and live life as if the 'goyish velt' doesn't exist.

As someone who grew up in a house with TV, and being exposed to the media, non Jewish literature, I'm constantly trying to find a balance between the two worlds. Maybe there is no balance, and you can only be in one, or the other. I don't know. But I do know that the less you intentionally expose yourself to the goyish velt, and foreign ideas and concepts, the less danger you have of doubting Torah and Mitzvos, and of drifting away. Because as much as a temptation their world is, with their models, and music, and movies, and books, it's all fake. It looks real, but if you dig deeper, there's nothing there. It's all artificial. Ask any Baal T'shuva, and they'll tell you, the only truth is G-d, and the Torah. So if we have the truth, why try to throw it away in exchange for the lies?

I try my best not to be a hypocrite. And no, I'm not perfect. No one is. I always hoped I would 'practice what I preached.' And I hate preaching. But just know this: as hard as the teenage years may seem now, it will only get harder as you go along. Just joking. I really hope not. Years from now, you'll look back at all you went through, and laugh at the things you got upset about, and found so important. Because it won't matter anymore. But now, it matters. Now, it's your life, and it hurts.

But don't forget that there are many people out there going through the same things you are. So talk about it. Share your problems, your stories, get advice. And you won't feel so alone.

And know that as hard as it may seem now, it will get better. And G-d is always watching over you, and He listens when you talk to Him. He may not agree with what you have to say, but He's there.

Life as a teenager. So much potential.