Niggunim

They pull at my heartstrings like no other music does. They reach down into my very soul and fill it, surround it, like a warm embrace.

It is ironic, really. Years ago I gave up on Jewish Music completely. It bothered me a lot to know that many of the sources were impure. I figured, if the song anyway has a non-Jewish source, I may as well listen to the real thing.

I have no great attachment to music. I listen to it when I am sad, sometimes when I am happy and need a good beat going. I listen to music when I drive, and on long road trips to keep from getting bored. Sometimes I exercise to music. But I wouldn't say that it nourishes me in any way.

Some people have a deep soul connection to music. For other people it may be a beautiful painting, a moving poem, or captivating ballet.

No matter where I went or how far I strayed, niggunim always spoke to me. Their wordless melodies, ancient and pure, it does something to me like nothing else can. I always feel better after listening to niggunim.

I miss the farbrengins we used to have in high school. The feeling of camaraderie, everyone sharing stories or lessons they learned, good resolutions they made. But mainly, the singing. Around a table or a bonfire, it could go on for hours. Someone would start a tune and everyone would join in. Slow and soft at first, but rising steadily until it reached a crescendo. A beautiful melody crashing with the gates of heaven, bonding us together as one.

I close my eyes and try to recreate those feelings. Alone in my apartment on a Friday night. My surroundings melt away and only I and the niggun remain. Over and over it goes, bringing back memories, warming my soul. I feel a yearning, a desire for something. To connect to a higher source, to be a part of something so much greater than myself.

The niggun winds down, I open my eyes. I am in my own apartment. But for a brief moment, my soul was in another place, another time.

THAT is what a niggun does.

Here are a few selections that I like:

1. Reb Mendel's Niggun

2. Nigun L'Shabbos V'Yom Tov

3. Eilu Vo'eilu

4. Nigun M'yuchos

I also have great memories of falling asleep to the sounds of niggunim as a child. It stuck with me. If nothing else, it is something to take with me for the rest of my life, and keep me close wherever I go.