Excuses excuses excuses

There are always so many excuses for why not. Why didn't I go to the wedding last night?

Because I was tired.

Because I was feeling sick.

Because I just got back from a long trip.

Because I had nothing to wear.

Because we really are not that close.

Would she really even notice if I wasn't there?

And on and on and on.

Late at night when I am being completely honest with myself I can admit that, all excuses aside, I didn't go simply because I was lazy. I selfishly decided to stay home when I could have gone and done the mitzvah of mesameach chosson vekallah.

And of course, the next day the guilt sets in. I should have gone. I could have gone. I had hours to prepare, why didn't I just get dressed and go. I agonize over that one little decision. Maybe I am just giving voice to my conscience.

B"H I have a conscience. But sometimes it kicks in too late.

Many of us make excuses for ourselves very often, in many areas of life. Why you just simply can't daven today. Why you can't spare some change for tzedaka. Why you are in a hurry and can't do a favor for another person.

The list of excuses goes on and on. They sound so convincing. But who are you really lying to? Are you fooling yourself? In retrospect, will you feel good about that decision, or will you beat yourself up for awhile in the hopes that it might change something?

I know what my problem is. I have every good intention to do something right up until the moment that it comes- and then I back out. I make an excuse of why I can't do it.

Do we ever make excuses for why we could do something? But then it wouldn't be called an excuse. Maybe instead of trying to find a way out of something, come up with reasons of why you should be doing that.

Because I will see friends.

Because I can wish her mazal tov.

Because I can get dressed up.

Because it is a mitzvah.

Because I told her I would come.

Now if only I can remember all those good reasons the next time I come against one of my good intentions.