Creating Memories

House is so quit. Just as I like it. So I can think, undisturbed. But tonight is not a night for thinking. I am so tired, exhausted beyond belief. I need sleep.

And yet here I sit, enjoying the silence. Reflecting.

I finally went to Disney world :) I can now check that off my bucket list. To say I had an awesome time is an understatement. I have so many good memories to keep with me forever. Maybe one day I will bring my kids here to make some memories of their own.

Tonight is a night to reflect. To wonder. How do my actions affect people.

I am sorry. You are probably sleeping now. I will probably never apologize to you. Because it is not what we do. We harp on each other, we throw insults, and we never ever say we are sorry. Not because we don't mean it. But because we are not so comfortable admitting we were wrong.

I was tired. I was hungry. I was being grumpy. Those are all excuses. I know that. And I am sorry for letting it out on you, because it was so easy, because I could, because I knew you would just take it. And because I would probably never apologize.

It is hard to do the right thing when there are so many things going wrong. It is hard to be a good person when you just want to scream and nudge and tell everyone to leave you alone and stop bothering you.

The English language is a funny thing. Sometimes it fails you. Kids strike out with their hands when they can't use their words, and adults lash out. We say things we don't mean, or that we mean but should never say. We don't stop to think how it will affect someone else. In that moment, we are being selfish. This is bothering me, this is annoying me, this is all wrong for me.

It is so hard to stop, walk away, try to verbalize your feelings in a nicer way instead of hurling them unchecked at whoever is in your way.

But it takes a big person to say I'm sorry.

So I am. I'm sorry.

And I had the greatest day.

The place where memories are created.