Cigarette Break

So what do you do at work if you don't smoke? Take a drink break? (Okay what if you don't drink coffee either? Yes, unfathomable.)

My job mostly consists of sitting at a computer all day. It gets very tiring. Even if I do nothing all day. (Yes, you read that correctly. I get paid to do nothing. Yes I know, it's awesome. Yes you wish you were me.)

Today I stood outside in the rain. It was refreshing. I thought, here I am standing outside looking like an idiot because I don't have a cigarette in my hand. Which is when I thought "hmm I should really take up smoking."

Okay breath. I'm not really gonna start smoking. I have no desire for my lungs to be the color of charred ash.

Here is a list of 10 things to do on your cigarette break if you don't smoke:

1) Go to the local supermarket, fill up a shopping cart with food that you would like to buy, and then when you are done, leave it in an aisle and casually walk away. (I recommend you leave your wallet at the office. Especially if you work near a store like Pomegranate.)

2) Sit at the bus stop and stand up when every bus comes by, wait till the door opens then shake your head like you just realized it's not your bus, and sit back down.

3) Run around the block 5 times. Good exercise.

4) Go into the Yeshiva across the street and sit in on a shiur.

5) Sit down in the local pizza store with a newspaper in front of you and act like a real-life spy. (Dark sunglasses and a trench coat would help with the affect.)

6) Cross the same street back and forth, and see how many times you can do it before the light changes.

7) (If it's raining out) Jump in the puddles.

8) Tell your boss that you totally need a pool table at work so you can play during breaks. (To which he politely responds that you don't get breaks. To which you politely reply that you don't know how to play pool.)

9) Ask a random stranger to race you to the end of the block. Say "ready set go!" and take off, even if they don't join you.

10) Go to the pharmacy next  door and read all the trendy magazines until they tell you that you have to pay for them in order to read them.

Or forget this list and take up smoking. Then your smoke break will really be a smoke break, you can do it more than once a a day, and you have the advantage of wearing super cool dark sunglasses, holding a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, and looking cool and aloof when people walk by.

Authors note: I have never actually done any of the things on this list. But tomorrow is a new day!