A message to all men in the world: I hope you like dirt, cuz you're gonna spend your whole life groveling.
It kind of bothers me how women work. They ask their men questions that they clearly don't want to know the answer to, and are just setting their men up to get in trouble, and then the man subsequently has to grovel and buy the woman presents for the next week, and oh ya, sleep on the couch. Let's play out this scenario:
Woman: "Honey, what do you think of this dress? Does it make me look fat? I feel so fat. Do you think I'm fat and ugly? What if I get old and you leave me for another woman?"
(she's thinking, if you're gonna leave me at least let it be cuz your gay and like men.)
Man: "No dear, that dress looks nice on you. I think you're beautiful."
W: (Stone cold voice) "Thank you, that's very nice of you. That makes me feel real special."
M: (a few minutes later in which his wife is clearly ignoring him) honey, did I say something wrong?"
W: "Oh no, of course not. I'm not feeling well, I'm not going out tonight. Please go out and buy me ice cream. And don't bother talking to me, I'm gonna wash the dishes, I won't be able to hear you, so don't bother talking, okay?" (emphasise on the DON' TALK. But what she really means is, start talking your way out of this one buddy, or you're in t-r-o-u-b-l-e.)
M: (phew that was a close one, at least she let me off scott free tonight) Okay dear, I'm glad you don't feel fat anymore."
W: "you just called me fat?????"
M: (confused beyond words) "NO, I think you're beautiful, I told you that. I don't think you're fat, and really, who wants an anorexic wife anyway, right. No one should look like those super models, it's disgusting."
W: "I want to look like those super models. They are gorgeous."
M: " YOU are gorgeous."
W: "you blew it. You are sleeping on the couch tonight. Oh, and now you have to buy me that outrageously priced diamond necklace I really want, to make me feel better and prove you love me."
M: (what the heck did I say wrong?????) "Anything for you, my pretty wife."
W: "cut the crap."
Okay, I think I went a little overboard there, but you see what I mean. Women miscommunicate. When they ask, do you think I'm fat, what they really mean is, I'm feeling very insecure right now, nothing you say will make me feel better so save yourself, and don't try, but don't worry there's nothing you can do, you're gonna get in trouble anyway cuz I just need a whipping boy, but if you play things right I might only be mad at you for one day instead of three, but if you totally ignore me you are in the doghouse for a week, and if you say something neutral about how no one really looks like super models and movies are not reality, then you will get the silent treatment and the cold shoulder and boy are you in trouble.....
Now, can this scenario ever work the other way? If the man told his wife, "honey, does this suit make me look fat? Do you think I'm ugly? Are you gonna leave me for another guy?" Unless the wife suspects that her husband is gay, she'll probably just say, stop babbling and take out the garbage.
Obviously, no self respecting man would ever say that to his wife, or to any living soul, even if he felt that way. No, that line is reserved solely for women.
So really, men, there is no way around it. It's gonna happen, don't say I didn't warn you. Just grovel your way out, ride out the storm, and pray to G-d that you say the right thing.
Are there any other females that would like to give us a second opinion? Altie, do you get paid to try and scare people off marriage?
ReplyDeleteA) this is a joke (sort of)
ReplyDeleteb) you're too young to get married
c) you'll figure it out
d) get another opinion, dont take my word for it, thats ok.
A) I was responding in kind.
ReplyDeleteB) You're never too young.
C) I'm sure I will. It'll probably be too late though.
D) See A.
lol awwww you wanna get married? that's so cute. ok i have friends, i can hook you up if you want.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the offer, and I may just cash in on it one day... But for now, see D.
ReplyDeletewell stop joking around, this is a serious matter. i would love to be the shadchan, provided you invite me to your wedding. yay! this is so exciting!
ReplyDeleteIts the "read between the lines" that women sense. It is a power that men do not touch on. For example, its not what you say, its how you say it!
ReplyDeleteOf course you'd be invited to the wedding!
ReplyDeleteLol you're just full of big plans for me, aren't you? First, you'd have me start blogging, now you want me to become a cranky married person. What's in the pipeline?
married guys are not cranky. (ya they are, but dont worry abt that now.)
ReplyDeleteI'm your fairy Godmother. i just got here and i have years to make up for. so lets get started. what did you want for christmas this ear? lol.
im kidding. but id be very happy to be invited to ur wedding.
Pick a side... Are they, or aren't they? Why wouldn't I have to worry about that?
ReplyDeleteFairy godmothers usually don't take care of Christmas. Father Claus gets very nervous about the womenfolk intefering with his special day. Either way, I'd like a shiny new bike please.
Consider yourself invited.
Anon: Altie's post was sort of mocking that whole woman's intuition thing. Painting a picture of an extreme scenario where the woman would be reading *too much* into what her hubby was saying.
ReplyDeletedoes it have to be new? i have a really nice bike that i havent ridden in years, its blue, looks like a boys bike, its sitting in my basemen doing nothing if you want it. ill even shine it for u. (damn this godmother stuff is more demanding than i thought).
ReplyDeleteseriously, i know that married couples can get cranky and bickerish. but i wish on you only happiness and harmony, and id rather not make mean husband or cynical wives jokes. (shoot, wasnt that what my whole post was about? busted!)
yaaay ill write it on my calendar. when is the big day?
What kind of fairy godmother offers used bikes? I think you should stick to the blogging.
ReplyDeleteThanks, and I wish the same to you. Yeah, you're kinda busted. It's alright. We'll forgive you.
As soon as I meet that special someone and decide on a date, I'll be sure to let you know asap. For now, just leave your schedule wide open for the forseeable future. Ok?
lol. youre right, im not good at that. id probably forget your birthday. but seriously, u can have the bike if u want. its a schwim i think.
ReplyDeletelol i have to just leave my schedule open? what if my calendar includes dating and getting married? if youre wedding is the same night as mine... well, that'll just shake things up a bit. might get complicated.
Hmmmm... You're right, it would be messy. How about this: Since you're a girl and a year older, you figure out your wedding date first. Once we have that, I'll make sure that mine doesn't clash with it. By the way, am I invited to yours?
ReplyDeleteawwww i get 1st choice cuz i'm a girl? youre so sweet.
ReplyDeleteof course you are invited!! who knows, maybe you will end up being best friends with my chosson.
We're not really fishing in the same pond if you know what I mean... At least, I hope not. Yes, you get first choice.
ReplyDeleteI'm not best friends with DK if that's what you were suggesting :-p... Just kidding.
haha youre last to know cuz youre not friends with me on facebook. my status says something about lesbians, and according to DK, he thinks I'm going for that team. He's wrong of course.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, he's a bit short for me, plus i just dont like him that way. and really, i thought u guys were pretty tight.
ok so tell me who your best friend is so i can hook up with him ;)
there is nothing better that when a woman admits her guilt
ReplyDeleteexcuse me boy, there was nothing in this post alluding to guilt as far as i can tell. what are u talking abt?
ReplyDeleteAltie: For some odd reason my Yeshiva isn't such a big fan of me having girls on my Facebook...
ReplyDeleteWe are, but pretty tight doesn't equal best friends. Who says I want my best friend running off and getting married? Plus, I'm assuming you wouldn't date a younger guy. Wouldn't you think that my friends would all be around my age?
HH: Just because something never happens doesn't mean it's the best think ever... :)
lolololol ya thats not odd. i would personally tell your yeshiva to expell you if you added me as a friend on facebook. except this is funny cuz ur basically chatting with me here (im a girl btw) so what does that say abt you?
ReplyDeletetake it as a compliment that i think you are mature for your age, so i thought maybe you have some older friends. but really, its ok, im very capable of finding a guy by myself. then ill introduce you two, and you can be friends.
and i can admit when im wrong, btw. im just very rarely wrong.
Now I'm tempted to add you just to watch you call and have me expelled... What does it say about me? I have no problem chatting with girls (yes, I noticed you are one) be it via text, email, or blog. I don't like publicizing that fact in a place where Rabbi X could see it though. Makes sense?
ReplyDeleteThanks. I do take it as a compliment, and in fact the majority of my close friends are not my age. I wouldn't expect you to know that though, so I was asking based on your assumptions. Now I know that I underestimated you... :)
I was speaking in generalities. I know you can admit it... I saw that a few weeks ago ;).
lol aaaaah, THAT night. ya well, when i have sleep i can be a pretty nice person, believe me.
ReplyDeleteok heres the plan: i would never tell on you cuz no one wants to be a tattle teller. so im gonna send a huge care package with tos of food to yeshiva with your name on it and a big red heart that says its from ______ (not me, ill make up a girls name.) then theyll be all suspicious and voila. youre gone.
btw have u any sisters who went to toronto 4 school? i believe i know them. cousins?
As a woman who was in a two year relationship, I can say that IF a woman does something like that, it's because she wants her man to KNOW, without her having to tell him, certain things. While I did not do that to my ex very much, there were certain times I did hint at things and see if he caught on (which he of course did not). But men are not mind readers, and, as much as we would like them to be, they only know as much as we tell them. And no, most men cannot read between women's lines. Relationships are complicated enough. Don't make them more complicate by expecting men to just know things and read between the lines. If there was one thing I learned, it was that.
ReplyDeleteAltie: So I've been told, and so I believe.
ReplyDeleteSneaky of you... At least I'd have a care package though.
I had 2 or 3 cousins there. No sisters.
By the way, Jill is the second opinion I wanted ;).
i know you're trying to be cute, but a woman who acts like the one in your post is emotionally abusive. Any guy in a relationship like that should demand they go to couples counseling, and even consider a divorce.
ReplyDeleteAny relationship where one person is trying to manipulate the other is unhealthy. It's true that women are cut more slack for this kind of thing than men are, but that's becuase men tend to be more romantic than women. Most men buy their wives flowers and jewlery becuase they want to, becuase it makes them feel good to make their wives happy, not becuase they're afraid or trying to get back into her good graces.
As for the guy sleeping on the couch, if the woman is upset, let her go sleep on the couch. A husband and wife share the bedroom equally. If the woman doesn't want the man sleeping near her, that's her problem, and she can move. Neither spouse gets to "punish" the other one.
Maybe this is exactly why some people ARE gay.
ReplyDeleteThen the scenerio would be simply:
"Hey do I look fat?"
"yep"
"oh ok I'll wear somethin' baggy..."
SO simple
Jill, how very true. I am horrible when it comes to reading between the lines. When a girl likes me, if she wants me to know it, she pretty much better come out and just say it. Thankfully, I have a feeling my beshert will. :)
ReplyDeleteG3, thank you for that insight. this post was a jokeand not to be taken as something more. Good suggestion, I'll keep it in mind.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing frum couples have two beds, couches can get uncomfortable :).
ReplyDeleteAnd while we're on the subject....
ReplyDeleteJust saw this:
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
I daresay you're unfairly projecting your own tendencies, or those you've observed in your home, onto all women.
ReplyDeleteuhu. thank you chenyok. and i daresay you cant take a joke.
ReplyDeleteAltie- Haha. Glad I could help. (Were you really waiting for me, though?)
ReplyDeleteDan-I'm horrible at reading when guys like me as well. Honestly, I think most people are not good at it. People play too many games, and it becomes confusing. Then when someone comes along and really does like you, you're never sure because of games.
C- I've heard that one before, but it makes me laugh every time. Hilarious!
G*3-I can see why you would say that it's emotionally abusive, but I don't think that is really emotionally abusive, and as someone who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship, I can tell you that that is not it. That's just plain confusing is what it is. Women really don't mean it in an abusive way. As I said before, a woman just wants her man to know, without having to be told, and that is how she goes about telling/hinting it to him. It's not the best way, at all. If she wants him to respond a certain way, she has to tell him first, and then next time, hopefully, he'll respond the way she wants.
Really, though, it all comes down to games. The games women play, the games men play. We all do it, and it's very unhealthy for any relationship. Communication is key in any relationship, and like I said, expecting people to be mind readers is not going to help.
altie i have to agree with chonyok.
ReplyDeleteof course you do, cuz G-d forbid you should agree with me. cant you say something nice please? i already got bashed once today. my ego needs a boost.
ReplyDeleteAltie-Here's a boost: You've inspired my next blog post. It's in the works. :-)
ReplyDeleteAltie you're a superhero.
ReplyDeletefunny, boy. sarcasms not gonna work.
ReplyDeleteBut it was nice sarcasm...
ReplyDeleteThis is really DanielS82's cue, not mine ;).
very funny boy. im ammused.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm "very" funny... Yay I'm moving up in life!
ReplyDeleteAmused is better than depressed...
I never said I was depressed. i just dont like when people insult my post and basically outright tell me they think theres something wrong with me.
ReplyDeletei also dont like when i try to be nice and make friends with someone and they take it the wrong way and think its creepy. but you dont know about that.
thanks for trying to cheer me up, if thats what you were doing.
You're right, I don't know the details of that story. I do know however that it's never fun to be misunderstood/insulted. Ignore the negative commenters... It's *your* blog, not theirs. Incidentally, can you see now why I would feel very uncomfortable exposing my thoughts to the world?
ReplyDeleteya i get it. sometimes i get very positive feedback, and sometimes i get some not nice comments that make me want to quit blogging altogether.
ReplyDeletethanks :)
Oh no, please don't... Who's blog would I fill up with random comments if you did that?
ReplyDeletesnort. lol. funny, boy, very funny. see, cuz of all the reasons why i should NOT quit, its cuz i love your random comments. thanks. now i need an idea for a new post.
ReplyDeleteI'm always glad to entertain. Why don't you write about something that would cheer you up?
ReplyDeleteFor the mean, rude posts, you can do what I do (sometimes). Delete! Gotta love that button.
ReplyDeleteMan, if I ever get my a-- married I'm gonna' have to make some sort of "pact of verbality" in which all intentions are transferred through speech.
ReplyDeletei am just messing with you. dont take me to seriously.
ReplyDeletenow blogger is b"h letting me comment (i think it knew i would have no place in that discussion ;) so i'll repeat what i said on fb: altie i love this post! you sound so determined!
ReplyDeleteAltie,
ReplyDeleteObviously this post was an extreme example, as you said, you went a little overboard. Just a well-written script of a scenario, emphasizing your point, which I enjoyed reading :)
Nevertheless, even if I were taking this anecdotally, there is one thing that was bothering me that I couldn't put my finger on. But seeing as I'm being forced almost at gunpoint to comment, I somehow figured it out. So here goes.
It would occur to me that if two people are married, then they have some sort of commitment or investement in creating and maintaing a loving relationship. (And for those cynics out there who are chuckling to themselves as they read this...ummm don't. lol)
Anyway, two people who are married to each other are deeply connected. Besides for getting all romantic on everyone and saying that they're connected on a spiritual level...other half of the soul...etc, they also get to know each other really well. As cliche as it sounds, they become like best friends. Two people, like best-friend-team-mates, almost, who spend alot of time together, and grow to become closer and invest more trust in that person than anyone else in the world. Hopefully.
I'd think that for two people who are so close, and care about each other so much, they would be able to understand each other's fine details.
Now I'm certainly not saying that a man can read his wife's mind, that would be unfair.
However, I do want to say that if a woman turns to her husband and says "Darling does this dress make me look...?" she's usually never looking for stam a yes or no and maybe a nice comment. A man can be sensitive enough to the feelings of his wife to know when she's feeling insecure, and act accordingly.
(By the same token, she should also be sensitive enough to his finer details- if he's not the type of guy who's good at expressing what she wants to hear, then she should understand that that's the kind of guy she married, and that she loves him with or without that ability.)
There is also another small nuance that I'd like to point out. As a couple of other commentors have already mentioned, open (and i guess even specifically verbal) communication is key to any healthy relationship. That being said, i think we're all forgetting that the wife in this scenario IS communicating.
It WOULD be unfair for the wife to put on the dress, and stand there waiting, with her hands on her hips, for her husband to tell her how beautiful she looks. Like we've all acknowleged before, a man can't read his wife's mind.
However, a man is also not clueless, and he's sensitive enough to his wife that when she makes a hint like "does this dress make me look.....?", he should respond to it. Just like it's unfair to assume that a man can read minds, it's unfair to say that a woman needs to basically ask her husband to tell her she's beautiful, because, especially if she's feeling insecure, that's going to make her feel all the worse. Even if he is genuine and sincere about it, a compliment that is straight up asked for doesn't really mean much to anyone.
Ok...I think i've said quite enough...lol.
blessings to all for open, communicative, happy, secure, loving relationships. <3
Anon: Almost at gunpoint is a slight exaggeration, isn't it? And I'm nowhere near cynical enough to chuckle at your descriptions of marriage... In fact, I agree with almost all of it.
ReplyDeleteIn Altie's little what-if, the husband did in fact respond appropriately to his wife's question. I believe *that's* where Altie was trying to make her point... He responded, and nevertheless she started ignoring him. Would you really call that the wife communicating?
I think I was nice enough ;).
Anon- Maybe I'm a cynic when it comes to marriage and relationships, or maybe I'm just being realistic, but just because two people are married does not mean that they are connected in any way at all. They could just be married, that's it. Yes, even just being married you do learn about the other person, but there's a difference between knowing someone on a basic level and knowing someone on a deep level. Being married does not automatically mean being invested and means that you'll work on the relationship.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you are right, the wife is communicating. However, what I, and others who commented on the communication issue, meant was that it is not EFFECTIVE communication. At least, that is what I meant. Asking your significant other a loaded question like that (and let's all admit it, it IS a loaded question), is not fair to him or you. There is no right answer, even if he is sensitive to his wife and her feelings.
Like I said, maybe I'm a cynic, or just being realistic, but I've seen both the good side and the bad side of marriage, and I'm not going to pretend it's all great and perfect and rosy. Any and all relationships take work, some more than others.
anon, who forced you to comment?
ReplyDeletenevertheless, thank you for your thoughts. i agree with part of it.
Anon: Are we doing the A,B,C, thing again?
ReplyDeleteA) Thank Jill for providing contrast.
B) I see what you meant. Byron is overwhelming? I guess you're just one of those people that don't respond well to sweet-talking.
C) Someone's Debate Club experience is showing through... It would have been perfect had you not given me the out. A few more Logic classes should do it.
I'd love to hear from Jill in response to what you said. I don't want to express any opinions before she clarifies what she meant.
Haha, ok. I'll explain. Anon, first though, I never called YOU a romantic, nor did I mean to imply that. It was directed at anyone/everyone. Second, I have to ask how old you are, and whether you've been in a serious relationship. I'm not asking to intrude and you do not have to answer, obviously; I'm asking because you sound like and remind me of myself from a few years ago. I used to think EXACTLY the way you're thinking now (unless you're just playing devil's advocate). And then I became involved with someone in a serious relationship for two years. It's easy to think one way before you actually experience it. If I'm wrong, and you are married/in a serious relationship, then I apologize and hope that your relationship is as wonderful as it sounds.
ReplyDeleteNow, as for your question as to why people are married if they don't love each other, have a connection, or are invested in the relationship, well, it could be an arranged marriage, the two have no out (and for some people there really is NO out; divorce is not possible), or there are kids and they stay together for the childrens' sake (that in itself is a whole other issue, though).
Of course people in a relationship are connected on SOME level, otherwise, there would not be a relationship, which is what I said. Relationship is defined as the connection between people or things, but a connection or relationship does not have to be a deep one. It can be a superficial relationship or connection. Even those relationships ARE relationships. But what I also said that if they do not want to be in the relationship, care about each other, or are not invested, than that connection will only be on a basic level. There will be no deeper connection. I never said that there is no connection at all.
And yes, even those relationships, the superficial, not invested, basic connection relationships, take work. Maybe it just work to be civil to one another, or to not kill each other, or maybe they really ARE trying to make a go of it. But they do take work.
As for the communication factor, the balance is one each person/people have to find for themselves in a relationship. For some, a lot of communicating works best, for others, a little does. It's whatever works for them. In my last relationship, we didn't talk all the time. We talked when we wanted to and when something was bothering us. And it worked for us. The balance is one that each couple has to find on their own. In Altie's scenario, the woman should have just told her husband how she felt, no hints, just straight out (in a nice way, of course). Saying something like, "I know you're going to say that I'm beautiful because you love me and I'm your wife, and I love that, but if you could try to be a little objective, I would greatly appreciate it." If he can, great. If not, well, then she shouldn't ask him. I understand being insecure, but turning to someone for that when no matter what they say is going to be wrong or not make you feel better, is not the right way. She should be secure with herself, by herself. Really, if a woman is secure in herself and in her relationship, then there is no need for her to do that at all, for any reason. Going about it the way she did was wrong. (I'm not saying that a spontaneous or occasional "You're gorgeous/beautiful" to a wife is not appreciated, though. It most certainly is.)
You know the saying, "You need to love yourself before others can love you?" Well, that's exactly what I mean here.
I hope I've answered all your questions, bu if I've left anything out, feel free to ask. Also, I wrote a post today about this (inspired by Altie), and I'd love to hear what you have to say about it, if you want.
LA-Z- You're up!
Ok... I see that old adage about brevity being the soul of wit is not applicable today ;).
ReplyDeleteJill, thanks for clarifying. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that Anon is presenting an image of what marriage could, and *should* be. Countering that by saying that in your experience this hasn't worked out in no way negates Anon's point. Anon's definition of relationship is (I believe) a bit different than yours. I think Anon means it in a narrower sense, where a relationship is something real, not just a "relationship" between myself and the girl behind the counter at the bank.
Also, nobody was saying that these shallow relationships (by your definition) don't take some work. Yes, it takes effort to be civil to the bank teller when she's working extremely slowly. Not much, but it's still "work".
Another thing that you wrote that bothered me was when you said that the woman should be secure by herself. Who are we talking about here?? What type of person is completely secure in their own identity? I don't know anyone who doesn't need the occasional compliment, or reassurance that they look good/are a good person/whatever. In *any* relationship where both parties are expected to accommodate the other, it's perfectly reasonable to expect that the husband should be keeping an eye open for times that the wife needs his shoulder.
I'm heading over to your blog now...
Altie: Why allow others to scare you away? Don't give them that much power...
lazboy, that is the sweetest thing i heard all day! you are now my new best friend. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's Cheer Up A Blogger Month in NJ ;). What did I say though??
ReplyDeleteyou told me not to care what people think, and now i dont. plus im watching my favorite tv show, and drinking cherry coke, and the world is a good place again :)
ReplyDeleteI meant it... :). Who needs diamond necklaces if you've got Cherry Coke and your fav show ;)? Which show would that be btw?
ReplyDeleteugh i am so not a diamond girl. those girls are usually snobby and rich and bitchy, and i only have 1 of those qualities.
ReplyDeletewell my favorite show is Fresh prince of belair, but im watching Friends from the beginning, its my 2nd favorite, and then that 70's show.
Sarcastic Chandler... Ahhh... Good times.
ReplyDeleteWealthy family, eh? ;)
i like phoebe the best. shes funny.
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahahahahahahah.
hahahaahahahahaha.
hahahaha.
ha.
suuuuure my family is rich. yup, you got it.
Hey... I gave you an out... :)
ReplyDeletei dont need an out, i can admit when im wrong, u know that. plus i wasnt looking for compliments, you did very well today already, thanks. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, if my work here is done... Maybe I'll make an early night of it.
ReplyDeleteWhen's the next post coming?
By the by... Anon... Are you still there?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletewhenever i feel like writing it, which is not now. you can always guest post...
ReplyDeletei hate anonymous people. they are a nuisance.
Clearly, I am not explaining myself well, so I will attempt it once more and then bow out.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you seem to be ignoring the fact that much of what you are pointing out I did mention in some way. Secondly, never did I negate Anon's viewpoint, nor was I implying that. All I said was that marriage takes work, communication, and yes, a connection. No games. That was my main point. Yes, marriage CAN be everything Anon said, but it can also not be, and that there is a difference between having a basic connection and a deeper, more intimate connection. It can go both ways. That is all I was saying.
Thirdly, as for my definition of relationship, I actually do have the same definition as you and Anon, but I also realize that for some people, relationship does not mean that deep connection that I envision. That for some, even married couples, relationship means, and is, something less.
Lastly, the security issue, I mean (and yet again, you seem to be ignoring that I also said it) that a woman should be secure with herself and should not completely depend on others for that security. I also said that compliment, praise, etc., from a spouse, or anyone for that matter, is a great thing and always welcome. It can also go a long way in adding to/gaining security, but a person, man or woman, should not be dependent on others for things like that.
Everything I've said is pretty much exactly what I've said before, just shorter and hopefully, more clear and to the point. Maybe now that I'm older and have been in a serious relationship and see what it takes, I am more cynical. But that does not mean that a relationship/marriage cannot be everything Anon said, and I do believe it can.
Altie-Friends is one of my favorite shows. I can always watch it, no matter how many times I've seen the episode(s).
Altie: When hell freezes over ;).
ReplyDeleteJill:I'm sorry you missed the subtle differences between our views. I'm going to sleep now, but I will try to explain again tomorrow.
Ok, Altie, I don't know how you manage to be a full time student and blogger. I've only posted twice and I don't have time to finish my work!!! That being said, Jill, La, I really appreciate your responses to just my thoughts about all things love, and I'm going to need to need a couple minutes when I'm not swamped in work to respond so that I can think about what's been said here and really give it the concentration it deserves.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, La- I know this was like hours ago, but yeah, I can't handle sweet-talkers. They make me crazy. (In both senses, acutally ;)) Also, you know that out was intentional. Sometimes I just stick outs into things to see if you'll find them. Luckily you're really sharp, and you usually do :)
Altie, I'm a little upset you hate me, seeing as you're my ray of sunshine. So I'm wondering if my anonymity is why you weren't able to come see When in Rome with me on Motzei Shabbos ;)
ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh lol
lazboy, i will make sure to tell u when that happens.
ReplyDeleteand anon, hahahahahahahahahahaha it all makes sense now. still, i like a name to know who im talking to. there are so many anonymous ppl out there...
As Anon steps out of the closet and slowly looks around the room... ;)
ReplyDeleteI didn't miss anything. As I said, if I'm not explaining myself well, than I'm sorry. A far as I'm concerned though, I think we've hashed and rehashed this enough, and not just for today.
ReplyDeleteAnd so with those solemn words, the Bloggers On Tricky Healthy Enigmatic Relationships (B.O.T.H.E.R) closed its first session.
ReplyDelete(Adjourned is probably a better word for it though, since as long as there are bloggers, there will be more comments.)
Pass the popcorn, please.