You know you're growing up when...

You start doing things for yourself, or for the sake of the thing itself, instead of for a reward or worrying about pleasing other people. I davened today. Even though I knew there were people who were proud of me, I did it for ME. And for G-d. And it felt really good.

When your mother's friend comes to the house, and instead of thinking of her as 'that lady that always comes over', you see her as a friend of yours too. And you chat with her, and it's so nice to see her. She's older, yes, but in some sense she feels like an equal. Because I have changed, I'm almost a grown up now. (Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I went to a farbrengin yesterday for Yud Shvat. That is a big accomplishment for me and I'm proud of myself and happy I went. It felt good. Really good. For once I felt like I BELONGED there. Like I was entitled to be there, and I wasn't just a fraud. It also felt good knowing that I didn't have to be there. I think all through high school I resented the requirement to learn. I had to go to class, and to farbrengins, etc. It was expected of us. So it wasn't coming from me. For once I went because I wanted to.

And I didn't fall asleep. And I didn't leave early. I stayed for 2 1/2 hours. There were a lot of young newly married girls there. They left early. They have husbands and maybe children waiting for them at home. And I kept eyeing the clock, wondering when it would be appropriate to leave, and then I realized, I can STAY. I don't have to rush home, I only have to worry about me right now, I don't have a family to take care of. It was refreshing and made me want to take advantage of the NOW. People always say, enjoy your time now, take advantage, cuz later you'll regret letting this time slip by. It hasn't really hit home until now.

So what was the farbrengin about, you want to know. Ya ya Altie, it's so nice that you went, that you had a breakthrough, that you feel so good about yourself and think you are a great person now, but did you actually LEARN anything there? Did you listen?

Yes, people. Don't worry, I listened. Rabbi Tzvi Freeman from Toronto spoke. He is a good speaker with a great sense of humor. He spoke about a few things and I'll tell you what I remember.

Hiskashrus- he asked, what is hiskashrus. Ya, it means being connected to the Rebbe, but what is it. It is physical, is it emotional, is it rote? He told a story to illustrate his point:

He lived in Vancouver, and every year by Yud Shvat the community held a raffle to send one person to New York to be by the Rebbe. He was lucky enough to win it three times in a row. The last time that he went, he wanted to give the Rebbe something, a gift. So he thought, what can I give the Rebbe, that won't take up too much of his time? He decided, when he goes online to get a dollar, he will smile at the Rebbe. And that's what he did. As he passed by the Rebbe, he gave him a big smile. And the Rebbe gave him a big smile back.

Rabbi Freeman said, that is hiskashrus. When you are going about your daily life, and you have an urge to be connected to the Rebbe. Hiskashrus is something that needs work, yes. But it is there Even the most fraye yid will still speak about the Rebbe with kavod, and love. Because hiskashrus is in the heart, it is unnatural.

He mentioned something interesting abour current events. (I don't actually follow current events, cuz I have no interest in it.) He spoke about the rescue teams that each country sent into Haiti, so help the survivors there. Out of all the countries, Israel, the smallest one sent the most people and most equipment to help. They flew there on a 16 hour flight, and spend 8 hours setting up a hospital with state of the art equipment. The American medical students who were in Haiti went to help the Israelis in the hospital. When asked why, they said, 'Cuz the Americans haven't brought anything, or set up a hospital, so we might as well go where help is needed.' And they said at that moment, they were almost embarrased to be American.

But his point was, that years ago this would not have happened. The world has progressed and matured enough that now they are quick to help another country in need, and hesitant to go to war. (Iraq.) The world is changing....

There was another really nice story he told. (I forget names, and details, so bare with me.)
There was a man named Hagar, in charge of a mission. The mission was to recover the files of all the Jews that were sent to Sibiria (and nevver returned) and return them to their families, so they can at least know what happened to them, and where they were burried.

One time, a former KGB officer who was in charge of 'Religious persecution' in Russia during the time of Stalin, sent word to Hagar that he wanted to meet with him. Hagar didn't really want o meet with a former KGB officer, so he asked the head shliach to Russia, berel Lazar, what to do, and berel told him to go, because he might be able to give Hagar valueble information about some files of people that were never found. So Hagar went to the government building, on a Friday.

The man he was supposed to meet with was across town in another government location, so they rushed Hagar over there. Hagar had 2 volumes of the shluchim book, and post-it notes by each picture of shluchim who's ancestors were in Sibiria. The second he walked into the KGB's office he put them on the table. The man started leafing through the pages. Then he turned to his secretary and said, 'They're smiling! Look at them! If I had known that despite all my efforts, they would have survived, and had children, and grandchildren, that are still religious today, I wouldn't have bothered.'

There was a second part to the story that I don't really remember. But I really liked that story cuz it just goes to show- try to kill us and wipe us out, and we will come back even stronger.

Okay if you are still reading this (why are you still reading this????) I have one more really nice story to share.

Rabbi Freeman brought out an interesting point. Most people who are in a position of power have followers, and their main goal is to get more followers, as many as they can. (He also asid, most famous people didn't really do anything worthwhile, the ones who really made a difference and SHOULD be famous, no one ever heard about, or knows their name.) When famous people donate money to charity, or do something good, they want people to know it was THEM doing it. They want acknowledgement, and honor.

The Rebbe was the total opposite. He wasnted to mikarev yidden, bring them closer to Torah, nor specifically to Chabad. Once there was a man who ran the Hillel house on campus in a college in England. He spoke to the Rebbe and the Rebbe asked him if the Jewish students there have access to kosher food. The man said, the Hillel ouse is under construction and wasn't gonna be ready for another few months, so in the meantime no, there was no kosher food available on campus, unless the student went to a kosher resteraunt nearby. The Rebbe asked him, so for 5 months it's okay to eat not kosher? He told the man to set up centers around the campus that had kosher food available to any Jewish student who wanted it.

The man got into the hang of things and started thinking and planning, that they would run events there, and have Torah classes, besides for kosher food. And the Rebbe said no, that's not what I told you. I want there to be kosher food, so that a Jewish boy, should sit down next to a Jewish girl, and eat kosher food, so that one day they will get married.

The point is not 'Come to Chabad, we are the best, you must follow us!! Hear hear!'. The point is, learn Torah, serve G-d, do mitzvot, be a good Jew. If they become Chabad, that's a bonus.

I think I left you with enough stuff to think about. It was a good farbrengin. Happy Yud Aleph Shvat everyone. Do something good to change the world. It's not as hard as you think. Believe me.