The World revolves around Me

 
My mother always said, "The world does not revolve around Altie", when she wanted me to stop acting selfishly. (The next sentence would be that it actually revolves around my sister). Maybe it backfired. I don't consider myself a selfish person, but I do enjoy time dedicated to me alone.

My birthday is always my special day. Someone commented on something I wrote once that I am a "three times a year Jew". While I don't believe that to be true, my spiritual connection does seem to be lacking at times.

But then my birthday comes and I feel this push, this pull, this energy inside of me, a desire to do better, to BE better, to make the day the most it could be, to make resolutions for the coming year (which rarely last). My spiritual awakening.

This year I don't feel the pressure. Maybe that is a good thing and maybe not. I made a list of things I want to accomplish on my birthday and I hope to get through all of them. My family is coming in to take me out for a birthday dinner (which I am sharing with my niece whose birthday is two days later and she is turning one, so it's okay.)

I like my birthday Hayom Yom:

"My father related that he heard from his father quoting his father (the Tzemach Tzedek), who heard the Alter Rebbe refer to himself as the son of the Maggid (his Rebbe), and as the grandson of the Baal Shem Tov."

I like it because my family doesn't have any 'yichus'. And while this never actually mattered to me, there was subconsciously a feeling of who is vouching for me, who do I belong to. My mother would jokingly tell people that we are nothing from nothing. But that's not true. Because we come from someone and something and we are making something of ourselves.

The Alter Rebbe was not related to the Mazritcher Maggid or the Baal Shem Tov. But he considered them to be his father and grandfather. I AM a part of something, and yichus or not, I came from somewhere and I am going somewhere as well.

I believe that I was created for a purpose, and although I may never know what that purpose is, I know that I am special and there are things down here that only I and no one else can accomplish. I feel like on my birthday I come full circle.

It has Baruch Hashem been a good year, and I feel like this is the first year in awhile when I can look back with hardly any regrets or uneasiness. G-d willing this coming year will be good as well.

It is my sincerest wish for all of you that Hashem bestow upon you many brachos in all areas you may need it, be it health, parnasah, Shidduchim, children, shalom bayis. May you all find only happiness in all that you do, and your paths should be clear, free of obstacles and filled with wisdom.  

G-d willing may this be our very last year in Galus, and we should all see Moshiach Now!