Naivete

You are so closed minded, living in your little box following all the rules, while I, I am so worldly and open-minded, I live by my own rules. I never understand why you do what you do, and you give me reasons for it and explain it, but you are merely repeating what you were told, it is like you can't even think for yourself to make your own decisions.

Naivete. That word I abhorred when they said it to me, like it was a bad thing. Oh how sad for the poor little girl, how naive she is, how she does not even realize what she is missing out on, because she is just so... naive... and there is that word again.

I wanted to prove them all wrong, and I did. And how did that make me feel.... like I made a mistake. Like I finally got to the other side only to realize that I was not missing out on much...

But now that I was already there, hey I may as well use it to my advantage. So move aside everyone because here I come, I, the enlightened one. The one who knows all, has seen all and done all, and oh what I have done.... oh no you don't want to know... I can't tell you that, because you know, you are just so... naive.... oh you poor little girl, you are missing out on so much.

I hate innocence, I want to crush it and rip it up and throw it out the window, because it will be lost sooner or later so why not sooner than later. Hey, you gotta grow up someday and realize that Santa is not real, that money does not grow on trees, that everything you believed in to be true, that you were TOLD was the truth was really all lies to try and get you to follow the truth, their truths, which may have been only slightly altered versions of G-d's truth to fit their needs and not yours.

But oh, how I mock you, because it is just so cute how you listen to all you are told without questioning it. And don't you wonder about the world out there, and aren't you even a little bit curious about what you are missing out on? Don't you want to try it, get a taste of the forbidden? Must you live in a bubble your whole life and do the right thing, the right that you believe in, as if there is only black and white, wrong and right, and no gray. Oh what a beautifully naive existence you live...

Me, well, ha, my eyes were opened and they can never be closed again. I can never undo what I've done, I can never unseen what I've seen, or unsay what I've said. Oh no, now that I have experienced things, well I am experienced, oh yes. I am informed and enlightened.

They told me that there is no black and white, only gray, that I can't really give my opinion until I've experienced it. Well, I do see the gray area more often now, as the black and white mesh together. Excuses and justifications become the truth, and you start to forget why you ever resisted to begin with. You forget what is right and wrong,  you are flying on autopilot and the sky looks like the sea and you are lost in a fluffy white cloud and you really cannot tell if you are going up or down.

Naivete comes with a price, but so does enlightenment. As I laugh at your innocence, I wish for those days that I cannot retrieve, for that little girl sitting on the steps with everyone laughing at her and how gullible she is for believing their prank. They tell her that the word gullible is not in the dictionary and she vows to prove them all wrong....
You are so innocent and naive, and I, what of I, and my worldly experience?

I lost and I gained and it was not an even exchange.
So maybe I am the naive one after all.