Please don't define me

It is such a nuisance. Really. It is tedious, and annoying, and in my opinion, a waste of time.

I am talking about Shidduch phone calls. If you or your friends are 'in shidduchim', you've probably gotten more than a few calls. A strange number comes up on your phone. A woman or man introduces him/herself. (Be wary of those who refuse to give their name.) They tell you the name of the girl/guy they are calling about. And then they ask you a million questions that boils down to one thing: Define her.

I can't. I honestly have a hard time describing people in detail, even my close friends. I tell them, ask me questions and I will answer them as best as I could. But even then sometimes I'm stumped.

"Does she seem careful with money?"

"Can she have an intelligent conversation?"

"Is she quick to anger?"

"How does she react when plans get changed?"

"How tznius is she; does she dress fashionably; is she fun to be around; is she book smart; is she a leader; is she a positive person.

And on and on and on.

After I hung up, I finally formulated a great response. This is what I SHOULD have said:

She is a great girl. She is lots of fun to be around. She smiles a lot. She has a nice laugh. She is giving, and caring, and mature and responsible. She is pretty, she dresses well. She doesn't have any major secrets, no skeletons in her closet. She is a good girl, and any guy would be lucky to have her as his wife.

So please, don't ask me to define her. Don't ask me to put her into a little box with labels. I can't do that. Because she is so much more than all the questions you could ask me. So whoever this guy is who is looking into her, tell him everything I said, and tell him he should just meet her and be able to see all the good things that I see.

Thank you, and good night.

And THAT is why I hate shidduch phone calls, and why I don't like to define people. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I hate that hesitation when it seems like I answered the question incorrectly. This is not a test. There is no right or wrong. We had a whole class on how to answer sensitive questions about shidduchim. What to say, what not to say, how to spin things in a positive way.

I wish there weren't so many questions. So stop asking. And just go out already.