They say there's such a thing called gray area, where the lines begin to blur; that not everything in life is black and white.
But that's how I see it, with stark clarity. Right and wrong. Yes and no. Day and night.
They say there are exceptions to every rule.
But my rule has no exception, for a very good reason.
They say I am naive, that I just don't get it. That I don't understand where other people are coming from, that I don't know the whole situation, that I can't see the full picture, so I can't judge.
I try so very hard not to judge. I really do.
They say you can't judge someone until you are in his shoes. Which is impossible since no two people will ever go through the exact same situation.
I did some time in the gray area, against my better judgement and all my core beliefs. It is a nice warm fuzzy place. A place of denial. It is a place that calls to you softly. Come, stay with me, it is okay, everything is fine here.
My brain is flashing warning signs, 'abort, abort! Get out as fast as you can!'. But the gray area blinds me to that.
It is like walking around without glasses. Everything is blurry and indistinguishable. I can't read the signs clearly, I must squint in order to see.
The longer you spend in the gray area the more you get sucked in. Suddenly black and white don't exist. They do, but they are so far away you can't see them anymore.
It is like falling into the snow. At first you are bitterly cold and you prompt yourself to stay awake. But suddenly you start to feel so warm, so very warm.... And sleep takes over you and you begin to lose consciousness.
THAT is the gray area.
But I am much stronger than that, as I've always known I am. My eyes were dry as I turned around and left. I shed not a single tear. It's over.
Clarity. It is the sane state of mind. It is when you are on the white side. Everything makes sense. The black side is right there, so close across the expanse. But you would never dare to cross that line.
They say there are many gray areas in life. I agree. But the gray is not reality, it is merely an illusion. It is the tide coming in and washing away the sand. It is the paint mixing to form a new color. A drab dull color with no name. It is a state of mind, as it does not really exist.
And it is a dangerous dangerous place.
Call me whatever you want, but I will take my black and white any day, over the gray which lures you in and makes no sense at all.
I was actually about to write a post about this, but you wrote it better than I ever could. It isn't easy getting out of the gray, but once you do and you look back, all you see is the black in which you were, and you wonder how you ever let yourself get that far.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope people realize it before it is too late.
DeleteIt's never too late. Not in Hashem's eyes, anyway.
ReplyDeleteYes but sometimes it causes damage. Depends how far you go.
DeleteThere are few absolute black and whites..
ReplyDeletewe all have our own predetermined black and white areas, things we would never do, things we always do. According to Rav Dessler-its the "Nekudat haBechira" the point and which there is a challenge.
Yes, living in the grey can be easier than black and white, but sometimes it takes some struggling in the grey to get to clarity.
I would not call it 'easy'. It may be less effort. So you fall, so you get back up, big deal. But it is a big deal, especially if you can't pull yourself out of it. Which you definitely run the risk for the more time you spend in the gray.
Deleteagreed, as we get older, and work on ourselves more..the black and white get "bigger" and the grey..the areas we are working on..become more detailed..your nekudat habechira gets higher and higher..more and more sensitive.
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