Night owl

I am a creature of the night. I should ask my mother, maybe if I was born at night it would all make sense. I love being awake at night when the house is dark and quiet and everyone is asleep. Two years ago I had a wacky schedule and was up late pretty much every night. I kind of liked it.

But alas, now I have a job. Yup. I forgot to tell you. I got a job. And I pay my own rent and I buy my own food and do my own laundry. No I don't expect anyone to pat me on the back and say good for you, you're a grown up now. But you know what? It feels damn good.

Today I bought a bottle of beer (for a friend, I don't really like beer) and they carded me. I think cuz I walked up to the counter smiling. I guess I don't yet have the whole 'nonchalant' down pat yet. So I smiled in an innocent kind of way and said really, you need id? He said really. I thought he'd just glance at it but he took out his reading glasses like he was getting ready to read a book and he perused that license like he was looking for a fake.

He made some sort of comment about me only recently turning 21. I said ya I don't use my id much to buy alcohol.

When will I stop feeling like a kid and start thinking of myself as a grown up? I think maybe when I get my first credit card. I'll let you know.

I was just rereading old blog posts of mine. It is so nice to take a trip down memory lane. I think I will start reposting some of the better ones, for those of you who never had the time to go through my archives, and just because some of them were really good.

I had a feeling, it's hard to explain. But it kind of felt like that girl from 2 years ago and the me here and now are 2 different people. I feel like I have changed a lot since then, and not all of it has been good.

That's another reason I like having a blog, it is like a window to my past. I can read old posts and relive it and remember exactly what I was thinking and feeling when I wrote it. I love it.

Although there is a part of me that wishes I could reclaim some of the naivete? Serenity? More like, inquisitional, that part of me that always questioned and dove into myself and tried to find the answers. I'm not sure if I have already found some of the answers or I have just stopped looking.

So although I want to go back in time and reclaim those feelings I put into my posts, I can't. And like everyone, I have my good days and my bad days, and I have dealt with a lot of change in the past 3 years. A lot. I have grown up a lot and discovered things about myself and other people.

I can't entirely say that I am happy where I am right now, but if I did that wouldn't be good either. We can't be stagnant we need to be constantly going up. Not down.

I miss those days where I stayed up all night and slept all day and did nothing and my life was empty and carefree. Sounds nuts, right? But it's late and I have work in the morning (I love the sound of that) and it's a good thing.

Attention world: I've grown up! It's a good thing.

I feel bouncy. Honest to G-d, I hate mood swings. I really do. But I just spoke to my mother, and I feel like I can climb the biggest mountain and get to the top.

Enough rambling. Good night world, and look out for some of my old posts in the next few days. Like they say, an oldie but goodie.

My sister (I dunno if she still reads my blog) once said that my posts are fabulous and thought provoking. I don't know what she would say of them now, but I would like to try and reignite that style of posting. Any suggestions are welcome.

My wish to all of you tonight is that you find true meaning in your life. A meaningful life is one worth living.

Be well.