Unsettled

Freeze.

You know you should say something but you can't make any words come out of your mouth.

So you sit in silence, and the seconds stretch.

You know the person on the other end of the line will say "are you still there?".

You have a choice, to pretend that you got cut off and to hang up the phone.

Which won't undo anything nor unsay what was said.

Or you could react.

So you say, "I don't really know what to say".

And that is all. That is how you feel. You know it doesn't involve you, it doesn't much affect you, life will move on and things will keep changing and spinning and happening on their own.

No one is waiting for your big reaction, no one is asking you to be dramatic or emotional or say what you feel, cuz really, it's not about you.

You want to just say, "uhu okay that's nice, thanks, bye" and hang up.

You want to rehash what was said over and over again until you understand it, and give your opinion on it, and make sense of it, and try to change it.

Change it. Undo it. Make it like it never happened. If we could turn back the clocks, would that make things right?

But no one is asking you, nobody cares what you have to say.

And it doesn't matter really, does it.

Usually, you can describe how you are feeling. But sometimes, there is really nothing to say.

You kind of feel nothing at all. And that makes you feel weird.

How can one describe nothing?

Devoid.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

I feel nothing.

And what does that say about me, really?