Helpless

Pressure building inside of me,
threatening to explode,
like a pressure cooker,
ill timing though that sounds.

Pressure waves pushing in on me,
suffocating me, crushing me,
under its weight.
My limbs feel paralyzed.

Want to put my head down,
and hide from those around me,
But they hold my head up,
and make me listen.

Force me to focus,
force me to write,
to speak, to say,
When I just want to be silent.

Feeling like I'm bound to fail,
failure frightening me,
scaring me into immobilization.
Can't even hide it.

They look at me pityingly,
knowing that I'm full of lies,
knowing that I'm dumb,
that I just can't "bring it".

Maybe it's all in my head.
Maybe I am my own saboteur.
Maybe I'm not as good as I thought I am.
Maybe I'm nothing at all.

So comes a time,
when I whisper for help,
and no on hears me,
and no one comes.

So comes a time,
when I ask for help,
and no on hears me,
and no one comes.

So comes a time,
when I beg for help,
and no on hears me,
and no one comes.

So comes a time,
when I scream for help till my voice is hoarse,
and no on hears me,
and no one comes.

So comes a time,
when tears well up in my eyes,
and I try to hide it
but also wishing someone will notice.

Until I realize that
My mouth never opened,
and no one can hear
the pleas in my head.

So comes a time
when it becomes evident
that I may just need someone
to save me from myself.

But no one hears me.
And no one comes.
Cuz I couldn't open my mouth
To ask.




Post Script: this was written last night, and the situation is now resolved.
Wishing everyone a good Shabbos :)