Commit to the moment

I rush home from work, checking my phone for the time every step of the way. I arrive home, out of breath. 5:30 on the dot. Good timing. I quickly say hello to my roommate, asking her about her day. Sit down to a quick dinner, relishing every second I have to breath.

5:50. Got to go. Darting through foot traffic, trying to get around the slow walkers without appearing to be rude. I rush towards the Subway, and seeing the throng of people walking up the steps towards me, I know I've just missed the train. Oh well. On the days when I get on just at the last minute, I feel good about it, like leaving that extra minute early really helped.

This is my life now. I work full time, and I go to school full time. I'm exhausted all the time. I have no time. You see the pattern?

I love it, and I'm so proud of myself for what I'm doing. On my way to school after a long tiring day of work, I grumble in my head. Why am I doing this, I'm so tired, I don't want to drag myself out again. But then I tell myself, just do it. Just walk. Just go. Just this one class. Just these 2 hours. Then you will be able to go home and go to sleep.

I was never one for commitment. I dreaded the question, "So what are you doing in the summer? Or next year?" Who knows that far in advance. Certainly not I. I take it day by day. Semester by semester. And slowly, I'm doing it.

When your life is so full thank G-d, and you don't have a lot of time, you find yourself cherishing the time that you do have. The twenty minutes that I have from when I get home from work until I leave for school, feels like such a long time, because I can breath and relax a bit. My one night off a week feels like a vacation. My weekends stretch out forever.

The key is to commit to each moment. Nobody said anything about a lifetime. Whatever you are doing, whenever you are doing it, be THERE and only there. Forget about everything else. Forget about what you have to do tonight, tomorrow, next week. Forget about the phone call you must make, the report you have to do. Be in the moment and live in the moment, and make it the best moment you can.

I'm working towards a degree, and I hope to finish it, however long it takes. I see it as investing in my future. I know there's a chance I may never 'make it', but right here right now in this moment, I'm doing it. And that feels really good.