I have a hard time editing something that I have already written. To me, it is like doing the work all over again. But editing and revising is a central part of any great piece of writing. It must be done.
7 PM: Gonna sit down to work on my paper....
7:30: Check some emails first...
8:00: What's new on Facebook...
9:00: I'm hungry, need some food...
10:00: Just going to watch one show, to get my brain moving...
11:00: Time to start?
11:30: No, snack time
12 AM: Time to start in on my essay...
1 AM: Good work, time for a break...
3 AM: (head slumped on table) zzzzzzzzz
Okay time to go to sleep.
12 PM (next day): Time to work on paper
Need food first.
No food. Need to go shopping.
Don't feel like getting dressed....
Okay, work on paper.
1 PM-4 PM: Grrrrrrr...... Cut, paste, copy, move, delete, add, keep, or discard, too much information, too little, do I like it, do I hate it, is it worthy of an A, should I get a second opinion.....
Editing is very much like blocks. Move some around, until you are happy with the setup.
4 PM: I think I'm done. Hold on to it for awhile till I hand it in, just to make sure....
5 PM: Time to start my day!
I love Sundays. The Power of Procrastination......
But I think the essay turned out pretty good.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Your lips are moving but all I hear is...
Bla bla bla.
Were you ever in an argument with someone and they just wouldn't stop talking? Everything they say is a lie, and they keep putting words in your mouth and telling you what you are thinking and feeling. And all you want to do is tell them to shut up, or better, shove your fist in their face...
Some people just love to have the last word, and they will take it no matter what. Even if it means sticking their fingers in their ears and saying "lalala I can't hear you!".
I call that immaturity. What is wrong with settling an argument peacefully and civilly? Agree to disagree. Difference of opinions. Hear the other person out, maybe tell them you think they are wrong, then shake on it and go your separate ways.
My mother always told me to walk away from a fight. I didn't like that. I always wanted to stay and fight, stand my ground, prove my point. I wanted to win.
But sometimes really winning means letting it go. If the other person wants to feel big, let them. Even if you know that they trampled you to get there.
Sometimes in a fight, there is no end. Maybe a stalemate. Sometimes the two people in a fight honestly cannot work things out. Their differences get in the way, their temperaments clash, they dislike each other to a point where no matter what is said they will both leave feeling annoyed and misunderstood.
In that case, the best thing to do is just stop talking. Let it go. Cool off. Forget about them. No need to stress over someone that is not worth it.
Because no matter how hard you try to make them understand, they will merely sneer and say something to belittle you, because in order to feel like the bigger person they need to make you feel small.
My mom told me to walk away, and this time I think she is right.
Were you ever in an argument with someone and they just wouldn't stop talking? Everything they say is a lie, and they keep putting words in your mouth and telling you what you are thinking and feeling. And all you want to do is tell them to shut up, or better, shove your fist in their face...
Some people just love to have the last word, and they will take it no matter what. Even if it means sticking their fingers in their ears and saying "lalala I can't hear you!".
I call that immaturity. What is wrong with settling an argument peacefully and civilly? Agree to disagree. Difference of opinions. Hear the other person out, maybe tell them you think they are wrong, then shake on it and go your separate ways.
My mother always told me to walk away from a fight. I didn't like that. I always wanted to stay and fight, stand my ground, prove my point. I wanted to win.
But sometimes really winning means letting it go. If the other person wants to feel big, let them. Even if you know that they trampled you to get there.
Sometimes in a fight, there is no end. Maybe a stalemate. Sometimes the two people in a fight honestly cannot work things out. Their differences get in the way, their temperaments clash, they dislike each other to a point where no matter what is said they will both leave feeling annoyed and misunderstood.
In that case, the best thing to do is just stop talking. Let it go. Cool off. Forget about them. No need to stress over someone that is not worth it.
Because no matter how hard you try to make them understand, they will merely sneer and say something to belittle you, because in order to feel like the bigger person they need to make you feel small.
My mom told me to walk away, and this time I think she is right.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Being a kid again
I drop my bags as I run towards it, my surroundings fading away. Leaves are falling all around me, getting caught in my hair. The sun is shining down, glinting off the metal fence surrounding me.
I close my eyes and inhale deeply, and start moving. Slowly at first, I soon gain momentum. I can feel myself flying. Head thrown back, hair blowing in the wind, feet kicking, pumping, pumping, going higher and higher and faster and faster.
Soaring. This is freedom.
People are looking at me but I don't care. I laugh gleefully and continue swinging merrily.
Today, I am a kid too.
Have a good Shabbos, and never silence the child inside of you.
I close my eyes and inhale deeply, and start moving. Slowly at first, I soon gain momentum. I can feel myself flying. Head thrown back, hair blowing in the wind, feet kicking, pumping, pumping, going higher and higher and faster and faster.
Soaring. This is freedom.
People are looking at me but I don't care. I laugh gleefully and continue swinging merrily.
Today, I am a kid too.
Have a good Shabbos, and never silence the child inside of you.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Disappointment
How do you explain to an outsider why there are people who want to kill us?
When we heard about the escalating war going on in Israel, and the three people who were killed in a missile attack, we were discussing it in my office. A non-Jewish co-worker asked quite innocently, "Why do they want to kill you?". I didn't really have an answer other than, it is an inborn eternal hatred and there really isn't any reason.
She asked, what happens if the Palestinians take over Jerusalem? Where do they want the Jews to go? I answered cynically, "Into the sea."
It can't be explained. Mostly, I don't understand it myself. For years, I heard about terrorist attacks in Israel, suicide bombers, stone throwing, missiles launched, and I thought, why do they let it happen? Why don't they fight back?
I heard all about 'politics', and protection, and 'Israel needs America's support'. But never once did I hear, let us go in there and fight and defend ourselves until every terrorist is dead.
During Operation Pillar of Defense, I followed the news daily, reading about every single rocket that fell in Israel, every single site that the IDF managed to destroy in Gaza, and I thought 'Yes! This is finally it!'. PM Netanyau was quoted as saying, "we will continue to take whatever action is necessary to defend our people," going so far as a ground incursion if it comes to that.
Even President Obama said that Israel has a right to defend itself, and that "There's no country on Earth that would tolerate missiles raining down on its citizens from outside its borders".
It all seemed to be going in the right direction until.... Cease Fire. That says it all.
The problem with a ceasefire is, it is just a temporary respite from the attacks. It gives the Palestinians time to regroup, to bury their dead, to rebuild, and to come back stronger wit more missiles than before. What's the point? Like a hornet's nest, if you don't get them all the first time, they will just multiply.
Obama commended Israel on the way it handled the ceasefire. Of course. With that much pressure to end the war, what choice did they have?
This picture pretty much sums it up:
This picture says it all. "Cease Fire Starts....Air Raid Sirens in Beer Sheva"
And that is all. The war is over. Israel won. And yet they are still suffering.
There's a 'joke' going around Facebook- "The definition of a ceasefire: Israel ceases, and Hamas fires".
It is a big disappointment. It is frustrating to watch the most persecuted country in the world let others hurt them every day and not fight back.
Netanyahu: "Now, I realize that there are citizens who expect a harsher military action and we may very well need to do that. But at present, the right thing for the State of Israel is to exhaust this possibility of reaching a long-term cease-fire. As Prime Minister, I have the responsibility, and it is the highest responsibility, to make the right steps to ensure our security. That is what I have done and it is what I will continue to do."
It will never be enough, because evil will never disappear, until we destroy it to the very end.
We need Moshiach now.
When we heard about the escalating war going on in Israel, and the three people who were killed in a missile attack, we were discussing it in my office. A non-Jewish co-worker asked quite innocently, "Why do they want to kill you?". I didn't really have an answer other than, it is an inborn eternal hatred and there really isn't any reason.
She asked, what happens if the Palestinians take over Jerusalem? Where do they want the Jews to go? I answered cynically, "Into the sea."
It can't be explained. Mostly, I don't understand it myself. For years, I heard about terrorist attacks in Israel, suicide bombers, stone throwing, missiles launched, and I thought, why do they let it happen? Why don't they fight back?
I heard all about 'politics', and protection, and 'Israel needs America's support'. But never once did I hear, let us go in there and fight and defend ourselves until every terrorist is dead.
During Operation Pillar of Defense, I followed the news daily, reading about every single rocket that fell in Israel, every single site that the IDF managed to destroy in Gaza, and I thought 'Yes! This is finally it!'. PM Netanyau was quoted as saying, "we will continue to take whatever action is necessary to defend our people," going so far as a ground incursion if it comes to that.
Even President Obama said that Israel has a right to defend itself, and that "There's no country on Earth that would tolerate missiles raining down on its citizens from outside its borders".
It all seemed to be going in the right direction until.... Cease Fire. That says it all.
The problem with a ceasefire is, it is just a temporary respite from the attacks. It gives the Palestinians time to regroup, to bury their dead, to rebuild, and to come back stronger wit more missiles than before. What's the point? Like a hornet's nest, if you don't get them all the first time, they will just multiply.
Obama commended Israel on the way it handled the ceasefire. Of course. With that much pressure to end the war, what choice did they have?
This picture pretty much sums it up:
And that is all. The war is over. Israel won. And yet they are still suffering.
There's a 'joke' going around Facebook- "The definition of a ceasefire: Israel ceases, and Hamas fires".
It is a big disappointment. It is frustrating to watch the most persecuted country in the world let others hurt them every day and not fight back.
Netanyahu: "Now, I realize that there are citizens who expect a harsher military action and we may very well need to do that. But at present, the right thing for the State of Israel is to exhaust this possibility of reaching a long-term cease-fire. As Prime Minister, I have the responsibility, and it is the highest responsibility, to make the right steps to ensure our security. That is what I have done and it is what I will continue to do."
It will never be enough, because evil will never disappear, until we destroy it to the very end.
We need Moshiach now.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Lost in Translation
Learn a foreign language. It's on my long list of things to accomplish in my lifetime. But learning takes time. And effort. And not many people can speak a second language with a perfect accent.
In my company we deal with many foreign clients who live outside the US. Most of our foreign clients speak Spanish, but we've had Chinese and Arabic as well.
We have a really cool resource: an account with a translation service. We call the service, say what language we need, provide the clients information, and then they connect you with an interpreter and the client.
The first time that I used it was weird. Each translator is different. Some of them are totally impartial, repeating word for word what the client said, even speaking in first person as if they themselves said it.
Then there are the ones who insert themselves into the conversation like they are a part of our company. One interpreter kept telling me, "I told him that we are trying to help him, that we would like to offer him...". I thought it was funny.
Then there are the ones who try to joke with you like they are your best friend. Which makes me wonder what they are saying about us to the clients, when we can't understand. I'd imagine it would go something like this:
"Los estadounidenses están tan tonto, ¿no? Lo único que quieren hacer es engañar a usted fuera de su dinero. Vamos a ordeñar por todo lo que vale la pena. Tú y yo juntos, hombre. Podemos hacerlo."
Then there is the translation itself. I don't know how expanded other languages are, but what I do know is- it is impossible that what the client said in a two minute monologue can be translated into five words. Something was definitely lost in translation, or paraphrased:
"Dios bendiga a América, tierra que me encanta. Párese junto a ella, y guiarla a través de la noche con una luz de lo alto. Desde las montañas, a las praderas, A los océanos, blancos con espuma Dios bendiga a Estados Unidos, mi hogar, dulce hogar Dios bendiga a América, mi hogar, dulce hogar."
"He said- everything is in order." Yup.
I also wonder how the interpreter can remember everything I just said in order to accurately repeat it to the client. Then there is the awkward silence, if I am connected to the client but the interpreter has not come on the line yet, and neither of us can communicate.
I am picking up words here and there and responding even before the interpreter finishes translating. A funny thing happened once- the interpreter started telling the client what I was saying, and the guy interrupted and started speaking in almost perfect English. The interpreter was left with nothing to do but listen to us talk.
It is an interesting experience. I have some down time to sit back and 'watch the show' so to speak. It takes time to translate what I am saying, let the other person talk, and translate it again. So I take a break and get some other work done. Sometimes I put the call on mute and chat with my coworkers.
Having a 'middleman' so to speak takes pressure off me in the case where the client is not happy, and makes the interpreter the 'bad guy'. He acts like a buffer, because my words are not actually making an impact.
It also gives me a chance to retract or change my words before they are related to the client.
Sometimes I don't know if I should say 'you are...' or say 'tell him that...' Theoretically I am speaking directly to the client, albeit through another person, but it feels weird to direct my words at the client, so mostly I end up saying, 'please tell him..'
It is weird not knowing how my words are being translated and explained. Of course translation is a funny thing. For some words there are many translations in a different language, and sometimes none at all. It is up to the interpreter's discretion how to translate it. Even in Google translate things come out weird or stilted or make no sense.
I know a lot gets lost in translation. Sometimes the meaning changes, sometimes the very best things you try to say comes across as cold or rude. Language barriers can be a big deal.
Which is why I will never marry a foreigner.
In my company we deal with many foreign clients who live outside the US. Most of our foreign clients speak Spanish, but we've had Chinese and Arabic as well.
We have a really cool resource: an account with a translation service. We call the service, say what language we need, provide the clients information, and then they connect you with an interpreter and the client.
The first time that I used it was weird. Each translator is different. Some of them are totally impartial, repeating word for word what the client said, even speaking in first person as if they themselves said it.
Then there are the ones who insert themselves into the conversation like they are a part of our company. One interpreter kept telling me, "I told him that we are trying to help him, that we would like to offer him...". I thought it was funny.
Then there are the ones who try to joke with you like they are your best friend. Which makes me wonder what they are saying about us to the clients, when we can't understand. I'd imagine it would go something like this:
"Los estadounidenses están tan tonto, ¿no? Lo único que quieren hacer es engañar a usted fuera de su dinero. Vamos a ordeñar por todo lo que vale la pena. Tú y yo juntos, hombre. Podemos hacerlo."
Then there is the translation itself. I don't know how expanded other languages are, but what I do know is- it is impossible that what the client said in a two minute monologue can be translated into five words. Something was definitely lost in translation, or paraphrased:
"Dios bendiga a América, tierra que me encanta. Párese junto a ella, y guiarla a través de la noche con una luz de lo alto. Desde las montañas, a las praderas, A los océanos, blancos con espuma Dios bendiga a Estados Unidos, mi hogar, dulce hogar Dios bendiga a América, mi hogar, dulce hogar."
"He said- everything is in order." Yup.
I also wonder how the interpreter can remember everything I just said in order to accurately repeat it to the client. Then there is the awkward silence, if I am connected to the client but the interpreter has not come on the line yet, and neither of us can communicate.
I am picking up words here and there and responding even before the interpreter finishes translating. A funny thing happened once- the interpreter started telling the client what I was saying, and the guy interrupted and started speaking in almost perfect English. The interpreter was left with nothing to do but listen to us talk.
It is an interesting experience. I have some down time to sit back and 'watch the show' so to speak. It takes time to translate what I am saying, let the other person talk, and translate it again. So I take a break and get some other work done. Sometimes I put the call on mute and chat with my coworkers.
Having a 'middleman' so to speak takes pressure off me in the case where the client is not happy, and makes the interpreter the 'bad guy'. He acts like a buffer, because my words are not actually making an impact.
It also gives me a chance to retract or change my words before they are related to the client.
Sometimes I don't know if I should say 'you are...' or say 'tell him that...' Theoretically I am speaking directly to the client, albeit through another person, but it feels weird to direct my words at the client, so mostly I end up saying, 'please tell him..'
It is weird not knowing how my words are being translated and explained. Of course translation is a funny thing. For some words there are many translations in a different language, and sometimes none at all. It is up to the interpreter's discretion how to translate it. Even in Google translate things come out weird or stilted or make no sense.
I know a lot gets lost in translation. Sometimes the meaning changes, sometimes the very best things you try to say comes across as cold or rude. Language barriers can be a big deal.
Which is why I will never marry a foreigner.
Monday, November 19, 2012
My Tomato
Ever had someone in your life who was bad for you? I'm not talking insane stalker who threatened everyone you loved, and killed your cat. I am referring to the variety of bad influences that you find in every day life. The ones who convince you to cut class. The ones who tell you to shoplift because it's fun.
A more practical example is a person who is simply not healthy for you. They belittle you, they hurt your confidence, they are like a poison to your carefully constructed life. The solution: get rid of them.
But what if it is not so simple? Oh, I have heard that line a million times. And generally, 'not so simple' means that you know exactly what to do, you just don't want to do it.
But what if said person just keeps cropping up? And despite your brains warning signs of 'Danger! Danger! Keep away!', you just have this pull, this desire to have them around.
We all have toxic things in our lives. Too much television, too much candy. That ice cream, that chocolate bar. Things we know are bad for us, and yet we indulge in them. Call it guilty pleasure.
I have this theory. I call it 'my tomato.' I hate tomatoes. I always have. But everyone always made them look so good and juicy. So every once in awhile, I would try it, thinking, maybe this time I will like it. To this day, I still hate tomatoes.
Your tomato is the person you know who is not good for you, and yet every once in awhile you say, 'let's try again, maybe this time it will not be so bad.' But it is still bad. Maybe this time it is worse.
And I wonder, why do we do that to ourselves? Do we not remember just how bad this person/thing is for us? What is wrong with us? Are we insane?
We are not insane. At least, I don't think I'm insane. I hope not. I can't deal with insanity.
So I sit on a bench in the cold night air, with millions of cars rushing by me at high speed. And I ask myself, what should I do?
I'm a smart person. I usually know what to do, deep inside. They say to trust your own instincts. So I try.
My instincts are telling me to get in a car and drive far away and never come back.
So I ask again. And this time I hit upon the right answer.
'Go home', my inner voice says. Go home. Make dinner. Make a lunch. Do your work. Fold your laundry. Focus. You have a life. You have responsibilities. Why are you sitting here dreaming of being anywhere else, when you have a pretty good life waiting for you at home?
And I know what to do. I have always known what to do. It is that simple.
Throw out my tomato. And never look back.
A more practical example is a person who is simply not healthy for you. They belittle you, they hurt your confidence, they are like a poison to your carefully constructed life. The solution: get rid of them.
But what if it is not so simple? Oh, I have heard that line a million times. And generally, 'not so simple' means that you know exactly what to do, you just don't want to do it.
But what if said person just keeps cropping up? And despite your brains warning signs of 'Danger! Danger! Keep away!', you just have this pull, this desire to have them around.
We all have toxic things in our lives. Too much television, too much candy. That ice cream, that chocolate bar. Things we know are bad for us, and yet we indulge in them. Call it guilty pleasure.
I have this theory. I call it 'my tomato.' I hate tomatoes. I always have. But everyone always made them look so good and juicy. So every once in awhile, I would try it, thinking, maybe this time I will like it. To this day, I still hate tomatoes.
Your tomato is the person you know who is not good for you, and yet every once in awhile you say, 'let's try again, maybe this time it will not be so bad.' But it is still bad. Maybe this time it is worse.
And I wonder, why do we do that to ourselves? Do we not remember just how bad this person/thing is for us? What is wrong with us? Are we insane?
We are not insane. At least, I don't think I'm insane. I hope not. I can't deal with insanity.
So I sit on a bench in the cold night air, with millions of cars rushing by me at high speed. And I ask myself, what should I do?
I'm a smart person. I usually know what to do, deep inside. They say to trust your own instincts. So I try.
My instincts are telling me to get in a car and drive far away and never come back.
So I ask again. And this time I hit upon the right answer.
'Go home', my inner voice says. Go home. Make dinner. Make a lunch. Do your work. Fold your laundry. Focus. You have a life. You have responsibilities. Why are you sitting here dreaming of being anywhere else, when you have a pretty good life waiting for you at home?
And I know what to do. I have always known what to do. It is that simple.
Throw out my tomato. And never look back.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
The next big thing is already here
I watched communication deteriorate. When I started high school, girls would sit together on the bus on the way to school, and talk to each other. We had fun, we sang, we shared, we enjoyed each other's company.
Enter: MP3 players. This was before the iPod became globally famous. Girls would have their tiny MP3 players with headphones in ears and every morning in each seat would be girl, girl, girl, girl, with blank sleepy expressions on their faces, listening to music and dead to the world. No more communication. People would hesitate to sit next to them, unwilling to disturb their space.
And then it spiraled from there. iPods. Video iPods. iPod nanos. iPod touch. iPad. And now mini iPads.
Kindles, and nooks, and smart phones. And it never stops. iPhone, iPhone 4, iPhone 4S, iPhone 5. It is never enough.
The more they make, the more they try to make better. Last year's model car is not good enough. No, now you need to lease the newer 2013 model.
Trade in your laptop for newer and better. Touch screen laptops. Tablets. Every year a new make and model. The old one expires five minutes after you buy it.
And I just want to say, enough. Just stop. Isn't it enough? Why can't we just be happy with what we already have? Why must we be thinking about 'the next big thing' the second after we buy something?
I see all the ads and I want what they are selling. I want everything. I don't need it. I desire it. I want a new phone. I want a kindle. (Chanukah gift, anyone?) I want what they are selling, because they make me feel like without it, I am lacking.
Progress is good. I know that. Advances in science and medicine is good. The more they search, the more they improve, the better it will be for society. Imagine a cure for cancer. G-d willing one day there will be one. Imagine a surgery that can make blind people see. That already exists. Because nobody stopped and said, okay that is enough for now, I think we are pretty advanced, let's give it a rest.
But in the area of physical possessions- people don't stop. Cars, houses, vacations, jobs. It is just never enough.
There was a news article in which mothers were asking the city to ban ice cream trucks so their kids wouldn't whine and beg for it every time a truck passed by the park. In my opinion that is ridiculous. The solution to the problem must come from within, not from an imposed rule.
The solution to obesity is not to ban sugary drinks over 16 ounces. The solution is self-control and exercise.
I am not asking advertising companies to stop with their ads. That would be ridiculous. Yes, I would like to not be reminded every time I ride the subway that I do not possess the newest model smart phone, that I do not have Windows 8, that I cannot buy a ticket right now and fly anywhere in the world, that I cannot afford a car, regardless of the model.
I understand that self-control must come from inside of me, and that 'Ezehu ashir hasameach bechelko' (Who is rich? He who is happy with his lot.) But I just wish that all those advertisements did not make me feel like my lot isn't good enough.
My question is- when will it end? 'The next big thing is already here'. That is, until something even bigger comes along.
And then, get out of the way because Black Friday is coming. The lines will be long, the sales will be great, and everyone wants what they are selling.
The answer- it will never end. 'Now' will no longer be good enough tomorrow. And 'They' always win.
Friday, November 16, 2012
On My Own
There's something in my head
and it just won't leave.
These thoughts are swirling
and I can't break free.
And I just want to feel
safe and secure
and I just want things
to go back to before.
But I know that's not
what life has in store for me
and I know that you
are not what's best for me.
There's a million streets to walk down
in this city all alone.
And that's why I'd never
make it on my own.
Sometimes it seems like
this will never end.
Just when things are fine
you round the bend.
The road's not smooth
it never has been for you.
Waiting for the sunshine.
Don't know if you'll make it through.
The things you wish for
the hopes and dreams.
You tell yourself it's alright
when that's not what it seems.
And they are all standing there watching,
as you take the spotlight
You want them to know that
you'll be alright.
But there's a million streets to walk down
in this city all alone.
And I know that I must
make it on my own.
You close the door
and slide down the wall.
Let the floor
break your fall.
Hope that you won't
let them down.
Know that you
can turn things around.
But there is something
holding you back.
You are searching for
the one thing you lack.
And there's a million streets to walk down
in this city of broken dreams.
And everything is not always
as it seems.
Sometimes you just can't
say the things you need to say.
You don't know how
it turned out this way.
And so you let the arms of
12 am hold you tight
And just maybe
you were never meant to fight.
Everything seems to
fall apart.
And soon it'll be over.
You can use a fresh start.
And she says
"Something about you
just brightens up the day".
But you hide your face
and turn away.
How can she see that
when inside it all feels wrong.
And you memorized all the
lyrics to the song.
Someday soon it'll
all come together.
And you better be ready
For the stormy weather.
Cuz there's a million streets to walk down
in this city all alone.
And it seems it's time to
make it on my own.
and it just won't leave.
These thoughts are swirling
and I can't break free.
And I just want to feel
safe and secure
and I just want things
to go back to before.
But I know that's not
what life has in store for me
and I know that you
are not what's best for me.
There's a million streets to walk down
in this city all alone.
And that's why I'd never
make it on my own.
Sometimes it seems like
this will never end.
Just when things are fine
you round the bend.
The road's not smooth
it never has been for you.
Waiting for the sunshine.
Don't know if you'll make it through.
The things you wish for
the hopes and dreams.
You tell yourself it's alright
when that's not what it seems.
And they are all standing there watching,
as you take the spotlight
You want them to know that
you'll be alright.
But there's a million streets to walk down
in this city all alone.
And I know that I must
make it on my own.
You close the door
and slide down the wall.
Let the floor
break your fall.
Hope that you won't
let them down.
Know that you
can turn things around.
But there is something
holding you back.
You are searching for
the one thing you lack.
And there's a million streets to walk down
in this city of broken dreams.
And everything is not always
as it seems.
Sometimes you just can't
say the things you need to say.
You don't know how
it turned out this way.
And so you let the arms of
12 am hold you tight
And just maybe
you were never meant to fight.
Everything seems to
fall apart.
And soon it'll be over.
You can use a fresh start.
And she says
"Something about you
just brightens up the day".
But you hide your face
and turn away.
How can she see that
when inside it all feels wrong.
And you memorized all the
lyrics to the song.
Someday soon it'll
all come together.
And you better be ready
For the stormy weather.
Cuz there's a million streets to walk down
in this city all alone.
And it seems it's time to
make it on my own.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Be safe little brother
They say to pray and I do but I don't think about it. Every time I see a headline that says 'Please say tehillim for... for a speedy recovery' I mumble the persons name with a quick thought and move on to the next thing in my day.
Is that normal? Is that okay?
An acquaintance said, "It's so sad, everyone is so worried about Israel right now, talking about it, posting about it, etc. But in 4 months we will all forget..."
It is sad. And it is true. We forget because if we don't, we can't move on. If we don't forget about loss, the pain, the deaths and destruction, how can we live every day with that pain weighing on us?
Until it is someone close to you. And then you can never forget. You remember every day, every little thing reminds you of the person who is gone, maybe you move on and it is not in the forefront of your mind, but you never forget.
What can we do? Beyond the prayers, the learning, charity, posts, statuses, worries, etc. What can we do to help?
I was never in a bomb shelter. I don't know what an air raid sounds like. I have never known the fear of war, worrying about loved ones, I have never been close to death.
Four years ago we lost 2 great people, Gabi and Rivka Holtzberg, shluchim to Mumbai India. Today, another shlucha to India was killed in a terrorist attack in Israel. 25 year old expectant woman, Mirah Scharf, among other deaths and injuries.
I hate the facts. I hate hearing the statistics, the ages, the names. It makes it so much more personal. When you hear the woman was pregnant- it makes it that more tragic.
I have a little brother in the IDF. And I am not worried about him. I don't know why. I can't bring myself to worry. I stop and think, should I be worrying? And I decide no, there is no need to worry. So I go on with my day.
And I hope to G-d I never have a need to worry.
And then I feel so selfish for not worrying. What is wrong with me? Why am I not shaking with fear, and praying to G-d to watch over all our brothers and sisters in Israel?
But I can't think. I'm sitting at work and I can't focus. I don't want to call my mother because I know she will worry, even if we know for sure my brother is safe.
So I read the headlines along with everyone else, and sigh, and mumble some tehillim, and say 'please G-d protect them and let it end' and then I feel helpless because it is not in my hands.
So I go on with my day, and that feeling of guilt lingers.
Because I know nothing about war- but these people are living it every day.
May we merit to see the coming of Moshiach speedily in our days.
Is that normal? Is that okay?
An acquaintance said, "It's so sad, everyone is so worried about Israel right now, talking about it, posting about it, etc. But in 4 months we will all forget..."
It is sad. And it is true. We forget because if we don't, we can't move on. If we don't forget about loss, the pain, the deaths and destruction, how can we live every day with that pain weighing on us?
Until it is someone close to you. And then you can never forget. You remember every day, every little thing reminds you of the person who is gone, maybe you move on and it is not in the forefront of your mind, but you never forget.
What can we do? Beyond the prayers, the learning, charity, posts, statuses, worries, etc. What can we do to help?
I was never in a bomb shelter. I don't know what an air raid sounds like. I have never known the fear of war, worrying about loved ones, I have never been close to death.
Four years ago we lost 2 great people, Gabi and Rivka Holtzberg, shluchim to Mumbai India. Today, another shlucha to India was killed in a terrorist attack in Israel. 25 year old expectant woman, Mirah Scharf, among other deaths and injuries.
I hate the facts. I hate hearing the statistics, the ages, the names. It makes it so much more personal. When you hear the woman was pregnant- it makes it that more tragic.
I have a little brother in the IDF. And I am not worried about him. I don't know why. I can't bring myself to worry. I stop and think, should I be worrying? And I decide no, there is no need to worry. So I go on with my day.
And I hope to G-d I never have a need to worry.
And then I feel so selfish for not worrying. What is wrong with me? Why am I not shaking with fear, and praying to G-d to watch over all our brothers and sisters in Israel?
But I can't think. I'm sitting at work and I can't focus. I don't want to call my mother because I know she will worry, even if we know for sure my brother is safe.
So I read the headlines along with everyone else, and sigh, and mumble some tehillim, and say 'please G-d protect them and let it end' and then I feel helpless because it is not in my hands.
So I go on with my day, and that feeling of guilt lingers.
Because I know nothing about war- but these people are living it every day.
May we merit to see the coming of Moshiach speedily in our days.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
(Don't know what to call it)
There's this thing, it's called writer's block. Sometimes it's not so much a block as, such a good idea that it takes more time and effort than you have to write it.
Sometimes you have so much to write. Like about phones. And language. And sleep. And time.
I have no time. And I need sleep.
And I really really want to write. Because I have such a good idea blooming in my head.
And this is not a preview. This is my lame way of saying: be patient I am trying to formulate my thoughts.
In the meantime, I get an A+ in Procrastinating 101. And sleep deprivation.
Oh sweet sweet sleep....
Sometimes you have so much to write. Like about phones. And language. And sleep. And time.
I have no time. And I need sleep.
And I really really want to write. Because I have such a good idea blooming in my head.
And this is not a preview. This is my lame way of saying: be patient I am trying to formulate my thoughts.
In the meantime, I get an A+ in Procrastinating 101. And sleep deprivation.
Oh sweet sweet sleep....
Monday, November 12, 2012
We had a deal
Back then it seemed so little,
So innocent, what you said to me.
You wanted to help me,
to save me from my mistakes.
But we both know
how that would have ended.
So we made a deal.
And we took off running and never looked back.
I thought about what you said,
every night as I fell asleep.
My future flashed before my eyes,
and I knew what you said was true.
I hope you are off chasing the dream,
Changing the world.
But all I can do is sit and think,
and waste my time.
I still got time,
according to our time-frame.
But that's just it-
This is life, it's not a game.
But if it were,
You and I would be the players.
We'd be racing against the clock
to get to the finish line.
And I have no idea where you are
or what you're doing.
And I know what you'd say to me,
if you knew how I was feeling.
The only thing in this game I don't know
is how it'll end.
Cuz I'm sitting here,
filled with fear and not moving.
And I want you to tell me what to do,
to pull me through.
But we both know
that's not gonna happen.
Cuz we had a deal.
So innocent, what you said to me.
You wanted to help me,
to save me from my mistakes.
But we both know
how that would have ended.
So we made a deal.
And we took off running and never looked back.
I thought about what you said,
every night as I fell asleep.
My future flashed before my eyes,
and I knew what you said was true.
I hope you are off chasing the dream,
Changing the world.
But all I can do is sit and think,
and waste my time.
I still got time,
according to our time-frame.
But that's just it-
This is life, it's not a game.
But if it were,
You and I would be the players.
We'd be racing against the clock
to get to the finish line.
And I have no idea where you are
or what you're doing.
And I know what you'd say to me,
if you knew how I was feeling.
The only thing in this game I don't know
is how it'll end.
Cuz I'm sitting here,
filled with fear and not moving.
And I want you to tell me what to do,
to pull me through.
But we both know
that's not gonna happen.
Cuz we had a deal.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
No goodbyes
As I watch you walk away I think,
'I love you.'
I think I finally get it.
How they say, 'deep down you love them,
no matter how much you hate them.'
For me it was really deep.
So deep I barely ever saw it.
And you always complained
and asked me why I hated you so much.
And it's not because you bug me all the time,
or annoy me, or steal my stuff.
It's not because you talk too much,
or that I just can't stand your voice.
It's not because you were always immature,
a 'baby', followed me around everywhere I went.
I hated you
simply because you existed.
But that was childish,
as hate usually is.
I love you
simply because you exist.
And you will never hear me say it.
But I know you know it too.
As I watch you walk away,
I don't say goodbye.
I say have a safe trip.
and 'see you around.'
I don't need to say goodbye,
because I will always see you again.
And no matter how many times I say 'I hate you',
you know I'll always love you.
Cuz that's just what families do.
'I love you.'
I think I finally get it.
How they say, 'deep down you love them,
no matter how much you hate them.'
For me it was really deep.
So deep I barely ever saw it.
And you always complained
and asked me why I hated you so much.
And it's not because you bug me all the time,
or annoy me, or steal my stuff.
It's not because you talk too much,
or that I just can't stand your voice.
It's not because you were always immature,
a 'baby', followed me around everywhere I went.
I hated you
simply because you existed.
But that was childish,
as hate usually is.
I love you
simply because you exist.
And you will never hear me say it.
But I know you know it too.
As I watch you walk away,
I don't say goodbye.
I say have a safe trip.
and 'see you around.'
I don't need to say goodbye,
because I will always see you again.
And no matter how many times I say 'I hate you',
you know I'll always love you.
Cuz that's just what families do.
Friday, November 9, 2012
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
I love it when the weather turns mild after a bout of cold. Wednesday night I came home cold and wet due to a snow storm. Today, the sun is shining, it is jacket weather, and everyone is out and about.
Crown Heights is full of men, as the annual shluchim convention is taking place. One friend posted a cute status: "Crowds of confused rabbis buying pantyhose -kinus hashluchim 5773".
One time I saw a frum guy taking a picture of a women's rain coat, presumably to send to his wife. Another time a frum guy stopped me in the makeup isle and said 'excuse me, my wife needs make-up remover'. So I started to tell him all the options, (liquid, pre-soaked cloths, cotton swabs, etc) and he just said 'thank you' and picked the first one he saw. It is so cute to watch guys totally out of their element.
I love walking down the street on Friday afternoon and smelling the various fumes of cooking coming from the houses. Yum, chicken soup.
I'm making chocolate chip cookies. It just feels like the right time to make cookies. "All who are hungry come and eat."
I really hope the weather stays this great. Sun makes everything better.
Have a good Shabbos!
Crown Heights is full of men, as the annual shluchim convention is taking place. One friend posted a cute status: "Crowds of confused rabbis buying pantyhose -kinus hashluchim 5773".
One time I saw a frum guy taking a picture of a women's rain coat, presumably to send to his wife. Another time a frum guy stopped me in the makeup isle and said 'excuse me, my wife needs make-up remover'. So I started to tell him all the options, (liquid, pre-soaked cloths, cotton swabs, etc) and he just said 'thank you' and picked the first one he saw. It is so cute to watch guys totally out of their element.
I love walking down the street on Friday afternoon and smelling the various fumes of cooking coming from the houses. Yum, chicken soup.
I'm making chocolate chip cookies. It just feels like the right time to make cookies. "All who are hungry come and eat."
I really hope the weather stays this great. Sun makes everything better.
Have a good Shabbos!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
The place where you can find Me
Tonight's a night for cookies,
tonight's a night for fun.
Tonight's the night to get away
from you and everyone.
I dream of making music,
of finding that beautiful tune.
The one that makes everyone listen,
that fills up a whole room.
The snow outside has melted,
Frosty has lost his nose.
I want to make a warm fire,
Inside where it is cozy.
But the great outdoors is calling,
begging me to come.
To be one with the cold,
until all of me is numb.
This thing inside me growing,
begging to be let out.
I try so hard to block it,
but it continues to shout.
I can smell your cakes baking,
in your kitchen warm and sweet.
I see you standing all day long,
weary on your feet.
I stand in the corner watching,
hoping to remain unseen.
I enjoy observing you in your world,
Going about your routine.
I talk until I'm tired,
I say all that I feel.
The silence is my answer,
Time will help me heal.
Sometimes I don't want answers,
I just want to forget.
I listen to music and let it move me,
Until I'm no longer upset.
Sometimes I think it's crazy,
to tell you how I feel.
I say you'd never understand me.
You tell me to 'get real'.
You say we've all got problems,
that each one can use a helping hand.
'Not I', I respond cynically.
Forever alone I stand.
I
Just
Want
To
Talk
Aloud
And have you listen
and tell me what I want to hear.
I
Just
Want
To
BE
Myself
And have you accept me for that,
And no longer have fears.
But I can be so many mes
Sometimes I don't know which one is real.
So tonight, I let it go.
And close my eyes,
And pretend that I am
Right where I want to be.
But all I see
Is a blank open space,
A place
Unknown, and void.
With no name,
no beaten path,
Cuz no one has dared
to traverse it.
And I will be there first
As soon as I can figure out,
Just where this place is,
And how to get there.
And when you come looking,
that's the place where you will find me.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
To shake or not to shake
"By the way, I never caught your name."
"Josh", he said, and stuck out his hand to shake mine.
I presented my gloved hand in a halfhearted way and said, "I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand. It's for religious reasons."
"It's cool", he said. It's cool.
But is it?
To my shock and dismay, I have heard meany reasons and arguments defending the position of being lenient with shomer negia in regards to shaking someone's hand of the opposite gender, specifically in the workforce. One person even defended their claim using Wikipedia as a source. (See the section on Shaking hands in halacha). Everyone knows Wikipedia is not a valid source.
Whether shaking hands is a strict halacha or a 'personal preference', for me it goes way deeper than that.
There is that split second where thoughts go through my mind.
'He doesn't know me, who will ever know....'
'He won't understand, so why bother to explain?'
'It is just a handshake, what's the big deal?'
And then I remember who I am. I am a Jew. I am a frum Jew. I am a frum Jewish Lubavitcher, a chassid (follower) of the Rebbe. And the Rebbe never compromised, so why should I.
Why should one be lenient in an area where it is so easy for them to be strict? We as Jews learn to take the high road, in Halacha (to go beyond the letter of the law), in practice, (to give more charity, to do more favors for people), and in our personal lives. We are taught that it is not enough to just live, it is not enough to just do. We have to do more, we have to be better, we have to be the best that we are capable of being.
Why should I make excuses and take the seemingly 'easier' route? To stand up for what you believe in, and what is right- THAT is what makes you a man.
Who knows? Maybe that guy will be walking away thinking, 'hmmm that is very impressive, I would love to know more about it.' Maybe he has a new found respect for Jews or religion.
And maybe he didn't think about it at all. But had I stuck out my hand and said 'Hi I'm Altie, nice to meet you'- I would have failed myself in every way.
"Josh", he said, and stuck out his hand to shake mine.
I presented my gloved hand in a halfhearted way and said, "I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand. It's for religious reasons."
"It's cool", he said. It's cool.
But is it?
To my shock and dismay, I have heard meany reasons and arguments defending the position of being lenient with shomer negia in regards to shaking someone's hand of the opposite gender, specifically in the workforce. One person even defended their claim using Wikipedia as a source. (See the section on Shaking hands in halacha). Everyone knows Wikipedia is not a valid source.
Whether shaking hands is a strict halacha or a 'personal preference', for me it goes way deeper than that.
There is that split second where thoughts go through my mind.
'He doesn't know me, who will ever know....'
'He won't understand, so why bother to explain?'
'It is just a handshake, what's the big deal?'
And then I remember who I am. I am a Jew. I am a frum Jew. I am a frum Jewish Lubavitcher, a chassid (follower) of the Rebbe. And the Rebbe never compromised, so why should I.
Why should one be lenient in an area where it is so easy for them to be strict? We as Jews learn to take the high road, in Halacha (to go beyond the letter of the law), in practice, (to give more charity, to do more favors for people), and in our personal lives. We are taught that it is not enough to just live, it is not enough to just do. We have to do more, we have to be better, we have to be the best that we are capable of being.
Why should I make excuses and take the seemingly 'easier' route? To stand up for what you believe in, and what is right- THAT is what makes you a man.
Who knows? Maybe that guy will be walking away thinking, 'hmmm that is very impressive, I would love to know more about it.' Maybe he has a new found respect for Jews or religion.
And maybe he didn't think about it at all. But had I stuck out my hand and said 'Hi I'm Altie, nice to meet you'- I would have failed myself in every way.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Election Day
You told me what you
thought,
You told me what to
say,
You prepared me in
depth
For that awaited day.
You gave me pamphlets
and notes,
You had me memorize the
lines,
You made me spit them
back to you,
In that god-awful
rhyme.
You told me that you
know best,
For me and our
country,
You even gave me a
special cheat sheet,
You quizzed me on it
daily.
Quickly that day came
near,
I rapidly grew with
fear,
But you reassured me
That it would all be
clear.
In that polling booth
I stood,
Not knowing what to
do.
I was finally all
alone,
They didn't let me
come with you.
I thought of all you told me,
I thought about what you said.
I considered the other candidate,
But was stopped by your voice in my head.
I closed my eyes and
pulled the lever,
Hoping to make you
proud.
I thought of the name
we spoke about,
I said it to myself
aloud.
You talk about this
great country,
In words hushed and
revered.
You tell me of the
freedom it gives,
That we no longer
have what to fear.
But you never gave me
a choice
You never taught me
how to think, how to do,
You simply showed me how to follow
you blind.
Now I, am a copy of
you.
Monday, November 5, 2012
4 years gone by (And still as awesome as ever!)
I'd like to thank my parents, who raised me to be the amazing person that I am today. I'd like to thank my Nana (Hi Nana!) and the little girl who pulled my hair when I was 5. I'd like to thank my dead cat Louie, who I know is watching over me from his grave. Wow, this is such an honor.
4 years. That is a long time to stick to anything, especially blogging. When I started my blog, (I love flashing back to the beginning. It is always important to remember where you came from.) I wrote long essays, inspirational thoughts, trying to share something with the world and inspire people. Over time, it has evolved into a diary of sorts, a way to express myself when I needed to most.
Thank you all for listening, and for reading. My journey is by far not over yet, I still have a ways to go. But I have gained so much through this blog. I have grown, I have learned about myself, I have gone through some rough times, some amazing times, and everything in between.
I have met some great people who I can call 'friends', some people who have caused a lot of drama in my life, and some who were just plain creepy.
If I have inspired even one person through my 4 years of blogging, it'll have all been worth it.
And I have. Myself. I have learned, I have grown, I have discovered things about myself that I never knew, I have experimented. It has been and still is an amazing journey.
My voice cannot be silenced, for as long as I am living, I will always have what to say.
Thank you for reading, and I hope that this year will bring amazing things and lots of blessings for everyone!
Here's to another successful year of blogging!
4 years. That is a long time to stick to anything, especially blogging. When I started my blog, (I love flashing back to the beginning. It is always important to remember where you came from.) I wrote long essays, inspirational thoughts, trying to share something with the world and inspire people. Over time, it has evolved into a diary of sorts, a way to express myself when I needed to most.
Thank you all for listening, and for reading. My journey is by far not over yet, I still have a ways to go. But I have gained so much through this blog. I have grown, I have learned about myself, I have gone through some rough times, some amazing times, and everything in between.
I have met some great people who I can call 'friends', some people who have caused a lot of drama in my life, and some who were just plain creepy.
If I have inspired even one person through my 4 years of blogging, it'll have all been worth it.
And I have. Myself. I have learned, I have grown, I have discovered things about myself that I never knew, I have experimented. It has been and still is an amazing journey.
My voice cannot be silenced, for as long as I am living, I will always have what to say.
Thank you for reading, and I hope that this year will bring amazing things and lots of blessings for everyone!
Here's to another successful year of blogging!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Keep moving forward
Sometimes I find myself stuck in certain areas in life. Career, relationships, personal struggles. I hate being stuck on one problem for too long. I like to find a solution and bump it out of the park. Done.
But not everything has an instant solution. Some people end up dealing with the same problem their whole lives. I don't necessarily think that is healthy. I don't believe a person should be in therapy for years dealing with the same problem. Yes, I believe in conflict resolution, but not if it takes you a lifetime.
Sometimes all one needs is a change. A change in routine, a new job, a change of scene, a change of friends.
On a computer sometimes you have to refresh a page if it is working slowly in order for it to operate properly. In a relationship sometimes you need to step up your game, 'spice things up', to keep it fresh and healthy.
Same in every day life. If you are feeling moody, depressed, for no particular reason, maybe it is time for a change. Learn a musical instrument. Try a new hobby. Take a class. Join a book club. Get out there, meet new people, reexamine your goals and start working on something that you have been putting off. Maybe it is time for a career change.
It is not healthy to be stuck in life. You have to keep moving forward, keep growing. And you can do it. Start with something small. Or something big.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. And it's about time I start living it right.
But not everything has an instant solution. Some people end up dealing with the same problem their whole lives. I don't necessarily think that is healthy. I don't believe a person should be in therapy for years dealing with the same problem. Yes, I believe in conflict resolution, but not if it takes you a lifetime.
Sometimes all one needs is a change. A change in routine, a new job, a change of scene, a change of friends.
On a computer sometimes you have to refresh a page if it is working slowly in order for it to operate properly. In a relationship sometimes you need to step up your game, 'spice things up', to keep it fresh and healthy.
Same in every day life. If you are feeling moody, depressed, for no particular reason, maybe it is time for a change. Learn a musical instrument. Try a new hobby. Take a class. Join a book club. Get out there, meet new people, reexamine your goals and start working on something that you have been putting off. Maybe it is time for a career change.
It is not healthy to be stuck in life. You have to keep moving forward, keep growing. And you can do it. Start with something small. Or something big.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. And it's about time I start living it right.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
I love you
You're the one who makes me laugh through my tears,
You're the one who reassures me despite my fears.
You're the one who tells me that everything will be okay,
You're the one who's there for me at the end of the day.
You're the one I run to when things go bad,
You're the one I want to talk to when I'm feeling sad.
You're the one who listens when I call,
You're the one who's there with me throughout it all.
You're the one who's strong when I am weak,
You're the one who's silent when I speak.
You're the one who makes me feel alright,
You're the one I know will hug me tight.
You're the one who smiles when I arrive,
You're the one who's glad that I'm alive.
You're the one, the only one, who's a part of me,
You're the one who holds the key, to set me free.
You're the one who reassures me despite my fears.
You're the one who tells me that everything will be okay,
You're the one who's there for me at the end of the day.
You're the one I run to when things go bad,
You're the one I want to talk to when I'm feeling sad.
You're the one who listens when I call,
You're the one who's there with me throughout it all.
You're the one who's strong when I am weak,
You're the one who's silent when I speak.
You're the one who makes me feel alright,
You're the one I know will hug me tight.
You're the one who smiles when I arrive,
You're the one who's glad that I'm alive.
You're the one, the only one, who's a part of me,
You're the one who holds the key, to set me free.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Fiction is better than reality
I love reading a good book. A feeling comes over you, of actually falling into the book. You feel yourself sinking deeper and deeper into the story, it draws you in, until the world falls away. You forget about everything, you forget your hunger, you forget your responsibilities, and all you want to do is read, and find out where the enthralling story will take you.
I like fiction because it allows you to experience a different world, a world that is unreal, a world that does not exist and never will. Whether one enjoys science fiction, horror, thrillers, mysteries, or romance, there are stories for everyone. Books allow you to forget about your own life for awhile, put your worries on hold. They distract you. Sometimes distraction is exactly what you need, so you can return to your life refreshed and renewed.
But be sure not to read any scary books before bedtime, unless you like sleeping with the lights on.
So go ahead, put aside the laundry, the dishes, the homework, and curl up in your favorite chair in your comfortable sweats, with a really good book, and let yourself get lost for awhile.
Don't worry, reality will be waiting for you when you get back.
I like fiction because it allows you to experience a different world, a world that is unreal, a world that does not exist and never will. Whether one enjoys science fiction, horror, thrillers, mysteries, or romance, there are stories for everyone. Books allow you to forget about your own life for awhile, put your worries on hold. They distract you. Sometimes distraction is exactly what you need, so you can return to your life refreshed and renewed.
But be sure not to read any scary books before bedtime, unless you like sleeping with the lights on.
So go ahead, put aside the laundry, the dishes, the homework, and curl up in your favorite chair in your comfortable sweats, with a really good book, and let yourself get lost for awhile.
Don't worry, reality will be waiting for you when you get back.
Eat. Pray. Love.
The book, Eat, Pray, Love is a memoir written by Elizabeth
Gilbert. It is the story of a woman's spiritual journey after a
painful divorce.
It starts off with the author writing how unhappy and depressed she was in her marriage, to the point of spending nights sleeping on her bathroom floor. There is one part of the book that I really like, at the very beginning. For her, I think, that is where it all began.
Here is an excerpt: (No Copyright infringement intended)
Of course, I've had a lot of time to formulate my opinions about divinity since that night on the bathroom floor when I first spoke directly to God. In the middle of that dark November crisis, though, I was not interested in formulating views on theology. I was interested only in saving my life. I had finally noticed that I'd reached a state of hopelessness and life-threatening despair, and it occurred to me that sometimes people in this state will approach God for help. I think I'd read that in a book somewhere.
What I said to God through my gasping sobs was something like this: "Hello, God; how are you? I'm Liz. It's nice to meet you."
That's right—I was speaking to the creator of the universe as though we'd just been introduced at a cocktail party. But these are the words I always use at the beginning of a relationship. In fact, it was all I could do to stop myself from saying, "I've always been a big fan of your work..."
"I'm sorry to bother you so late at night," I continued. "But I'm in serious trouble. And I'm sorry I haven't ever spoken directly to you before, but I hope I have always expressed ample gratitude for all the blessings you've given me in my life."
This thought caused me to sob even harder. God waited me out. I pulled myself together enough to go on: "I'm not an expert at praying, as you know. But I am in desperate need of help. I don't know what to do. I need an answer. Please tell me what to do. Please tell me what to do. Please tell me what to do..."
And so the prayer narrowed itself down to that simple entreaty— Please tell me what to do, repeated again and again. I don't know how many times I begged. I only know that I begged like someone who was pleading for her life. And the crying went on forever.
It starts off with the author writing how unhappy and depressed she was in her marriage, to the point of spending nights sleeping on her bathroom floor. There is one part of the book that I really like, at the very beginning. For her, I think, that is where it all began.
Here is an excerpt: (No Copyright infringement intended)
Of course, I've had a lot of time to formulate my opinions about divinity since that night on the bathroom floor when I first spoke directly to God. In the middle of that dark November crisis, though, I was not interested in formulating views on theology. I was interested only in saving my life. I had finally noticed that I'd reached a state of hopelessness and life-threatening despair, and it occurred to me that sometimes people in this state will approach God for help. I think I'd read that in a book somewhere.
What I said to God through my gasping sobs was something like this: "Hello, God; how are you? I'm Liz. It's nice to meet you."
That's right—I was speaking to the creator of the universe as though we'd just been introduced at a cocktail party. But these are the words I always use at the beginning of a relationship. In fact, it was all I could do to stop myself from saying, "I've always been a big fan of your work..."
"I'm sorry to bother you so late at night," I continued. "But I'm in serious trouble. And I'm sorry I haven't ever spoken directly to you before, but I hope I have always expressed ample gratitude for all the blessings you've given me in my life."
This thought caused me to sob even harder. God waited me out. I pulled myself together enough to go on: "I'm not an expert at praying, as you know. But I am in desperate need of help. I don't know what to do. I need an answer. Please tell me what to do. Please tell me what to do. Please tell me what to do..."
And so the prayer narrowed itself down to that simple entreaty— Please tell me what to do, repeated again and again. I don't know how many times I begged. I only know that I begged like someone who was pleading for her life. And the crying went on forever.
Until—quite
abruptly—it stopped.
Quite abruptly, I found that I was not crying anymore. I'd stopped crying, in fact, in mid-sob. My misery had been completely vacuumed out of me. I lifted my forehead off the floor and sat up in surprise, wondering if I would now see some Great Being who had taken my weeping away. But nobody was there. I was just alone. But not really alone, either. I was surrounded by something I can only describe as a little pocket of silence—a silence so rare that I didn't want to exhale, for fear of scaring it off. I was seamlessly still. I don't know when I'd ever felt such stillness.
Then I heard a voice. Please don't be alarmed—it was not an Old Testament Hollywood Charlton Heston voice, nor was it a voice telling me I must build a baseball field in my backyard. It was merely my own voice, speaking from within my own self. But this was my voice as I'd never heard it before. This was my voice, but perfectly wise, calm, and compassionate. This was what my voice would sound like if I'd only ever experienced love and certainty in my life. How can I describe the affection in that voice, as it gave me the answer that would forever seal my faith in the divine?
The voice said: Go back to bed, Liz.
I exhaled.
It was so immediately clear this was the only thing to do. I wouldn't have accepted any other answer. I wouldn't have trusted a great booming voice that said either: You Must Divorce Your Husband! or You Must Not Divorce Your Husband! Because that's not true wisdom. True wisdom gives the only possible answer at any given moment, and, that night, going back to bed was the only possible answer. Go back to bed, said this omniscient interior voice, because you don't need to know the final answer right now, at 3 o'clock in the morning on a Thursday in November. Go back to bed, because I love you. Go back to bed, because the only thing you need to do for now is rest and take good care of yourself until you do know the answer. Go back to bed, so that, when the tempest comes, you'll be strong enough to deal with it. And the tempest is coming, dear one. Very soon. But not tonight. Therefore:
Go back to bed, Liz.
Quite abruptly, I found that I was not crying anymore. I'd stopped crying, in fact, in mid-sob. My misery had been completely vacuumed out of me. I lifted my forehead off the floor and sat up in surprise, wondering if I would now see some Great Being who had taken my weeping away. But nobody was there. I was just alone. But not really alone, either. I was surrounded by something I can only describe as a little pocket of silence—a silence so rare that I didn't want to exhale, for fear of scaring it off. I was seamlessly still. I don't know when I'd ever felt such stillness.
Then I heard a voice. Please don't be alarmed—it was not an Old Testament Hollywood Charlton Heston voice, nor was it a voice telling me I must build a baseball field in my backyard. It was merely my own voice, speaking from within my own self. But this was my voice as I'd never heard it before. This was my voice, but perfectly wise, calm, and compassionate. This was what my voice would sound like if I'd only ever experienced love and certainty in my life. How can I describe the affection in that voice, as it gave me the answer that would forever seal my faith in the divine?
The voice said: Go back to bed, Liz.
I exhaled.
It was so immediately clear this was the only thing to do. I wouldn't have accepted any other answer. I wouldn't have trusted a great booming voice that said either: You Must Divorce Your Husband! or You Must Not Divorce Your Husband! Because that's not true wisdom. True wisdom gives the only possible answer at any given moment, and, that night, going back to bed was the only possible answer. Go back to bed, said this omniscient interior voice, because you don't need to know the final answer right now, at 3 o'clock in the morning on a Thursday in November. Go back to bed, because I love you. Go back to bed, because the only thing you need to do for now is rest and take good care of yourself until you do know the answer. Go back to bed, so that, when the tempest comes, you'll be strong enough to deal with it. And the tempest is coming, dear one. Very soon. But not tonight. Therefore:
Go back to bed, Liz.
We know that there are many stages in life. There is:
"A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break, and a time to build;
A time to cry, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to discard;
A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."
And sometimes, there is another time. A time to simply, go to sleep. You can't solve all your problems in one night. So put them aside. Do what is physically and emotionally best for you. Go to sleep.
And trust in Hashem that He will help you make the right decisions, to start you on your own journey.
"A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break, and a time to build;
A time to cry, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to discard;
A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."
And sometimes, there is another time. A time to simply, go to sleep. You can't solve all your problems in one night. So put them aside. Do what is physically and emotionally best for you. Go to sleep.
And trust in Hashem that He will help you make the right decisions, to start you on your own journey.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
I need you to need me
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
Everyone wants to feel needed, sometimes to the point of desperation. Some people have the need to help everyone, even those who do not want help or cannot be helped. If you stick out your hand to a person to help them up and they refuse, leave them be. Why do you have the need to push or force yourself on them, telling them, convincing them, that they need your help? Who are you really trying to help, them, or yourself? Some people do acts of 'kindness' only because it makes them feel good about themselves. They are giving only for what they will gain through it.
Everyone wants to feel wanted. It is the most horrible feeling to want/like someone and not have that feeling returned. Ask anyone who was ever rejected in their lives. Some people try to convince themselves that maybe one day the feelings will be reciprocated, if they only stick with it, or try to make that person see how much they are meant for each other. To them I say, at the end of your rainbow is waiting a pot full of pain.
Everyone wants to be loved. More than a desire, it is a necessity. I have heard of countless teenage love stories, and I roll my eyes and say, that is not love, it is a crush/obsession. Some people never find love, or they don't even know what they are looking for. Some people convince themselves that they don't need love, or worse that they don't deserve it, which is why they stick around with someone who clearly doesn't love them and never will. And to them I say, you deserve so much better.
To all those out there looking for love, just waiting for your Prince Charming to come along- I beg you not to settle for less. Because you deserve the real deal, not some washed out version of the truth.
And he is out there somewhere, waiting for you.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin' you to beg me.
Everyone wants to feel needed, sometimes to the point of desperation. Some people have the need to help everyone, even those who do not want help or cannot be helped. If you stick out your hand to a person to help them up and they refuse, leave them be. Why do you have the need to push or force yourself on them, telling them, convincing them, that they need your help? Who are you really trying to help, them, or yourself? Some people do acts of 'kindness' only because it makes them feel good about themselves. They are giving only for what they will gain through it.
Everyone wants to feel wanted. It is the most horrible feeling to want/like someone and not have that feeling returned. Ask anyone who was ever rejected in their lives. Some people try to convince themselves that maybe one day the feelings will be reciprocated, if they only stick with it, or try to make that person see how much they are meant for each other. To them I say, at the end of your rainbow is waiting a pot full of pain.
Everyone wants to be loved. More than a desire, it is a necessity. I have heard of countless teenage love stories, and I roll my eyes and say, that is not love, it is a crush/obsession. Some people never find love, or they don't even know what they are looking for. Some people convince themselves that they don't need love, or worse that they don't deserve it, which is why they stick around with someone who clearly doesn't love them and never will. And to them I say, you deserve so much better.
To all those out there looking for love, just waiting for your Prince Charming to come along- I beg you not to settle for less. Because you deserve the real deal, not some washed out version of the truth.
And he is out there somewhere, waiting for you.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Following (Former hurricane) Sandy
Will you be staying up all night with cookies and hot cocoa, nice and dry inside while you hear the wind howling outside? I can't help feeling like the whole world is in suspension. Who knows when this will end.
Follow the live news coverage here.
Flashback to last summer, spending the hurricane in New Haven, being shut in, no power, no trains, missing my close friend's wedding. Miserable.
Pro's of the hurricane:
- No work
- I feel like a little kid on a snow day
- Perfect weather to fly kites
Cons:
-Boredom
-Being shut in all day
-Feeling like the world has disappeared outside.
UPDATE: "Just before it was expected to blow ashore in the evening, the National Hurricane Center announced that it considered Sandy no longer a hurricane but a wintry hybrid known as a post-tropical storm." Hopefully this will be over soon.
Stay safe, and get your floaties ready!!
Follow the live news coverage here.
Flashback to last summer, spending the hurricane in New Haven, being shut in, no power, no trains, missing my close friend's wedding. Miserable.
Pro's of the hurricane:
- No work
- I feel like a little kid on a snow day
- Perfect weather to fly kites
Cons:
-Boredom
-Being shut in all day
-Feeling like the world has disappeared outside.
UPDATE: "Just before it was expected to blow ashore in the evening, the National Hurricane Center announced that it considered Sandy no longer a hurricane but a wintry hybrid known as a post-tropical storm." Hopefully this will be over soon.
Stay safe, and get your floaties ready!!
Short guys and sissy boys
Short guys are cute. Like 'put-you-in-my-pocket' cute. I have already determined that I cannot marry a short guy because I look down upon them. (Pun intended.)
I'm not tall. I'm of average height, though for a female some might say I am above average. Either way, there are plenty of tall guys out there, I know because I've seen them. And yet somehow really tall guys end up with really short girls and leaves us all wondering- why couldn't the short girls have left the tall guys for the taller girls and marry short guys instead? Short guys can marry tall girls but it is not so common, especially being that some guys feel intimidated or emasculated by taller girls. And girls in general want to feel physically smaller then their man so they feel protected. It is all about evolution really.
Now sissy boys- they are another story altogether. I know Freud came up with the Oedipus complex, which in short says that a child desires to sexually possess his/her mother, and kill his/her father. Understandably, Freud was nuts. However, we do know that many people end up marrying someone who has some of the same qualities as their parents.
I rarely remember ever seeing my father cry. Maybe once. (My mother is a whole other story.) My father is practical, down to earth, a realist, a strong solid force. The saying 'Real men don't cry' is wrong on so many levels. Real men should cry. When they marry the girl they will spend their whole life with, when they hold their first child in their hands. Crying is a natural state of emotions. However, it should be limited to certain periods of time for certain reasons and certain lengths.
Guys that cry for no reason or for reasons that are not very valid- I would call them girly. To them I say, 'buck up chuck', and 'walk it off', and 'get over it'. Because men are not supposed to cry. They are supposed to be strong, pull it together, roll with the punches. In a stressful situation, there is only one person that is allowed to fall apart and that is not the man. A blubbering man makes no one feel reassured.
So, no short guys and no girly boys for me. Anyone else?
I'm not tall. I'm of average height, though for a female some might say I am above average. Either way, there are plenty of tall guys out there, I know because I've seen them. And yet somehow really tall guys end up with really short girls and leaves us all wondering- why couldn't the short girls have left the tall guys for the taller girls and marry short guys instead? Short guys can marry tall girls but it is not so common, especially being that some guys feel intimidated or emasculated by taller girls. And girls in general want to feel physically smaller then their man so they feel protected. It is all about evolution really.
Now sissy boys- they are another story altogether. I know Freud came up with the Oedipus complex, which in short says that a child desires to sexually possess his/her mother, and kill his/her father. Understandably, Freud was nuts. However, we do know that many people end up marrying someone who has some of the same qualities as their parents.
I rarely remember ever seeing my father cry. Maybe once. (My mother is a whole other story.) My father is practical, down to earth, a realist, a strong solid force. The saying 'Real men don't cry' is wrong on so many levels. Real men should cry. When they marry the girl they will spend their whole life with, when they hold their first child in their hands. Crying is a natural state of emotions. However, it should be limited to certain periods of time for certain reasons and certain lengths.
Guys that cry for no reason or for reasons that are not very valid- I would call them girly. To them I say, 'buck up chuck', and 'walk it off', and 'get over it'. Because men are not supposed to cry. They are supposed to be strong, pull it together, roll with the punches. In a stressful situation, there is only one person that is allowed to fall apart and that is not the man. A blubbering man makes no one feel reassured.
So, no short guys and no girly boys for me. Anyone else?
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Desperation is not a good color on you
They say the storm is coming, but I don't see it, I don't feel it. They are all running away, and I think, coward! Stay and fight it like a man. Stand in the eye of the storm and defeat it. Why are you running?
You are hungry, but you can't eat. You are tired, but you can't sleep. You are neglecting everything you have to do. Why? Why do you run away when the storm comes?
I want to run a marathon. I want to feel my feet hitting the pavement, I want to run until I can't breath, I want to feel exhilarated. I want to run into the eye of the storm, not away from it, and feel the wind whipping around me at 70 mph, I want to feel the rain lashing at my skin. I want to experience it and know that THIS is powerful, because G-d created it so.
And they say things like, "G-d, you know what to do now" and I laugh, because does He know what you are talking about? Do you think He listens when you make a 'friendly suggestion'?
They say all you have to do is believe and I try so very hard to. But it is like monkey bars and my hands are slippery and I just can't reach that next rung.... And I fall, again. And again. And the landing just gets harder every time.
They have an answer for everything, and it is beautiful, and it is meaningful. But it doesn't penetrate because, well, they are not me. And do they even know what they are talking about? Do they even believe the words they say?
Just believe and- it'll be good. Just believe and- everything will work out. Just believe and- you have no more worries, no more fears, no more problems.
Belief. Is that all? I don't believe so. Is it a trick then? Is life just one big game, and I have not yet mastered the rules? Tell me, because I want to know. I seem to be missing something.
The storm is coming, and I will be here, riding it out.
Alone.
You are hungry, but you can't eat. You are tired, but you can't sleep. You are neglecting everything you have to do. Why? Why do you run away when the storm comes?
I want to run a marathon. I want to feel my feet hitting the pavement, I want to run until I can't breath, I want to feel exhilarated. I want to run into the eye of the storm, not away from it, and feel the wind whipping around me at 70 mph, I want to feel the rain lashing at my skin. I want to experience it and know that THIS is powerful, because G-d created it so.
And they say things like, "G-d, you know what to do now" and I laugh, because does He know what you are talking about? Do you think He listens when you make a 'friendly suggestion'?
They say all you have to do is believe and I try so very hard to. But it is like monkey bars and my hands are slippery and I just can't reach that next rung.... And I fall, again. And again. And the landing just gets harder every time.
They have an answer for everything, and it is beautiful, and it is meaningful. But it doesn't penetrate because, well, they are not me. And do they even know what they are talking about? Do they even believe the words they say?
Just believe and- it'll be good. Just believe and- everything will work out. Just believe and- you have no more worries, no more fears, no more problems.
Belief. Is that all? I don't believe so. Is it a trick then? Is life just one big game, and I have not yet mastered the rules? Tell me, because I want to know. I seem to be missing something.
The storm is coming, and I will be here, riding it out.
Alone.
Complaints about the iPhone 5
I don't have an iPhone. I probably will never have one. I am just not iPeople. Here is a funny skit about the iPhone 5:
Saturday, October 27, 2012
If I was a rich man...
Money is the language of the land. Ever see a guy at a restaurant slip
the Maître d' money to be seated first, even after he says that all the
tables are full? (Or does that only happen in the movies?)
Money corrupts people. The rich have it, the poor don't, everyone wants it, few achieve it, bribes are bad, the weak take them, money causes discordance, jealousy, corruption, disunity, unhappiness. And yet, the world revolves around it.
“Money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
― Françoise Sagan
“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
― Groucho Marx
“Too many people spend money they earned..to buy things they don't want..to impress people that they don't like.”
― Will Rogers
“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
wheelchair.”
― Dorothy Parker
“Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen.”
― Rita Davenport
“The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.”
― Dorothy Parker
“Disagreements over money are the biggest cause of divorce."
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Match Me If You Can
“[Credit is a system whereby] a person who can't pay, gets another person who can't pay, to guarantee that he can pay.”
― Charles Dickens, Little Dorrit
"Money isn't everything, but it keeps you in touch with your kids." (As seen on my fridge at home.) In "Fiddler on the roof" Tevye sings 'If I was a rich man'. He asks G-d, "Dear God, you made many, many poor people. I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor. But it's no great honor either! So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune?"
If I was a rich man...
I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.
If I was a rich man...
The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise.
"If you please, Reb Tevye..."
"Pardon me, Reb Tevye..."
Posing problems that would cross a rabbi's eyes!
And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're rich, they think you really know!
Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I were a wealthy man.
So why couldn't G-d have made us all rich? So that people have an opportunity to give tzedaka? Doesn't seem good enough to me. People only think about money when they don't have any. And what is this 'middle class' which everyone keeps talking about?
If I had a million dollars... I'd be rich.
Money corrupts people. The rich have it, the poor don't, everyone wants it, few achieve it, bribes are bad, the weak take them, money causes discordance, jealousy, corruption, disunity, unhappiness. And yet, the world revolves around it.
“Money may not buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
― Françoise Sagan
“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
― Groucho Marx
“Too many people spend money they earned..to buy things they don't want..to impress people that they don't like.”
― Will Rogers
“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
wheelchair.”
― Dorothy Parker
“Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen.”
― Rita Davenport
“The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.”
― Dorothy Parker
“Disagreements over money are the biggest cause of divorce."
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Match Me If You Can
“[Credit is a system whereby] a person who can't pay, gets another person who can't pay, to guarantee that he can pay.”
― Charles Dickens, Little Dorrit
"Money isn't everything, but it keeps you in touch with your kids." (As seen on my fridge at home.) In "Fiddler on the roof" Tevye sings 'If I was a rich man'. He asks G-d, "Dear God, you made many, many poor people. I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor. But it's no great honor either! So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune?"
If I was a rich man...
I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.
If I was a rich man...
The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise.
"If you please, Reb Tevye..."
"Pardon me, Reb Tevye..."
Posing problems that would cross a rabbi's eyes!
And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're rich, they think you really know!
Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I were a wealthy man.
So why couldn't G-d have made us all rich? So that people have an opportunity to give tzedaka? Doesn't seem good enough to me. People only think about money when they don't have any. And what is this 'middle class' which everyone keeps talking about?
If I had a million dollars... I'd be rich.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Ve'Yakov Halach Le'Darko
Yes, we are well into the month of Cheshvan, but I would just like to say goodbye to the Tishrei guests who graced out streets with their presence (not presents), and would also like to thank them for leaving. Take back our streets!
There is a normal amount of foot traffic, the stores are not overly crowded, there is no longer a multitude of foreigners swarming through the streets...
:-) Come again next year! (Insert sarcastic emoticon here.)
Have a good Shabbos.
There is a normal amount of foot traffic, the stores are not overly crowded, there is no longer a multitude of foreigners swarming through the streets...
:-) Come again next year! (Insert sarcastic emoticon here.)
Have a good Shabbos.
Mama I'm still your baby
"Mama why is everybody looking at my icy?"
"No one is looking at your icy, shut up and eat your damn icy."
Thought: mmm I really want an icy right now...
"Mama I'm still your baby."
Maybe it was her first day of school and her mom needed some encouragement.
Children are such funny creatures. I find some kids cute and adorable, while others get on my nerves. One thing all children have in common is their dependency on their parents. When a child is lost, hungry, tired, or upset for any reason, they call out 'mommy, mooommmmy!!!!!" in a loud grating voice. They sound like a broken record and all you want to do is scream 'will somebody find this kids mother?!" You want to tell the kid to shut up, but that would be perceived as rude.
It is like an alarm clock. When it is your own alarm, yes maybe it is annoying, but you get up with a sigh cuz you know it's time to wake up. When it is someone else's alarm- you want to rip it out of the wall and throw it across the room. (I am still talking about an alarm clock.)
But then sometimes, kids just say the darndest things, and you just wanna laugh at how cute they are.
I'm not a mom, so I can't really complain. Maybe one day I will not hate hearing a kid screaming 'mommy' so much.
Here are two perspectives:
Mom
Daughter
And then they say things like "Mama I'm still your baby", and that makes it all better.
"No one is looking at your icy, shut up and eat your damn icy."
Thought: mmm I really want an icy right now...
"Mama I'm still your baby."
Maybe it was her first day of school and her mom needed some encouragement.
Children are such funny creatures. I find some kids cute and adorable, while others get on my nerves. One thing all children have in common is their dependency on their parents. When a child is lost, hungry, tired, or upset for any reason, they call out 'mommy, mooommmmy!!!!!" in a loud grating voice. They sound like a broken record and all you want to do is scream 'will somebody find this kids mother?!" You want to tell the kid to shut up, but that would be perceived as rude.
It is like an alarm clock. When it is your own alarm, yes maybe it is annoying, but you get up with a sigh cuz you know it's time to wake up. When it is someone else's alarm- you want to rip it out of the wall and throw it across the room. (I am still talking about an alarm clock.)
But then sometimes, kids just say the darndest things, and you just wanna laugh at how cute they are.
I'm not a mom, so I can't really complain. Maybe one day I will not hate hearing a kid screaming 'mommy' so much.
Here are two perspectives:
Mom
Daughter
And then they say things like "Mama I'm still your baby", and that makes it all better.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Why you gotta be so hatin'?
It sucks to be the messenger. I hate when it is my job to give people bad news. Or when someone else screws up, and leaves me the mess to clean up. I hate cleaning up other people's messes. My reaction? 'Not my problem'. But what if it becomes my problem?
I'd imagine Yonah hated the job he was assigned to do. Telling people that they were sinners and they had to repent? Sucky job. What about Noach? "Sorry guys, G-d will bring a great flood that will destroy you all. Repent, sinners!"
Please don't hate me, and stop screaming at me. I'm only the messenger. This is my job. Why you gotta take it out on me?
And I have to smile and say, 'Uhu, you're right, I'm so sorry, it's our fault, we apologize for the error.'
Bla bla bla. We all know that's a lie. I am not sorry in the least.
Lies make the world go round.
I'd imagine Yonah hated the job he was assigned to do. Telling people that they were sinners and they had to repent? Sucky job. What about Noach? "Sorry guys, G-d will bring a great flood that will destroy you all. Repent, sinners!"
Please don't hate me, and stop screaming at me. I'm only the messenger. This is my job. Why you gotta take it out on me?
And I have to smile and say, 'Uhu, you're right, I'm so sorry, it's our fault, we apologize for the error.'
Bla bla bla. We all know that's a lie. I am not sorry in the least.
Lies make the world go round.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Reunion
I'm too young to have a reunion. There are movies made about high school reunions. "What will my 10 year reunion be like?" Are the popular girls still popular? Have the quiet girls become leaders? Who changed? Who stayed the same? Who has kids? How many? Who is successful? Who is (still) a loser?
Well, that is all great, but not much has changed with me since high school. Okay, a lot has changed, but most of it internal. I'm not married, I don't have kids, I'm not making millions. So, what have I to say for myself?
A teacher from my high school sent an email asking who would be interested in having a high school reunion. I don't think the email was meant for me. The first graduating class has their 10 year anniversary coming up. Pretty big accomplishment.
Given the chance, would you go back to high school? Would you do it all over again? Change anything? Do it exactly the same?
Would you go to your high school reunion? Wear a name tag that proudly says "Hi I'm so-and-so" in case no one remembers you? And hear them all say, 'weren't you the girl who __________________? '
I think I'll give it a few more years before I meet up with my past. By that time, I hope I have something to show for it.
Well, that is all great, but not much has changed with me since high school. Okay, a lot has changed, but most of it internal. I'm not married, I don't have kids, I'm not making millions. So, what have I to say for myself?
A teacher from my high school sent an email asking who would be interested in having a high school reunion. I don't think the email was meant for me. The first graduating class has their 10 year anniversary coming up. Pretty big accomplishment.
Given the chance, would you go back to high school? Would you do it all over again? Change anything? Do it exactly the same?
Would you go to your high school reunion? Wear a name tag that proudly says "Hi I'm so-and-so" in case no one remembers you? And hear them all say, 'weren't you the girl who __________________? '
I think I'll give it a few more years before I meet up with my past. By that time, I hope I have something to show for it.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Go Inside
Ever tried to find the purpose of life? 42. The answer is always 42. (According to my father, the answer is always 'gravity'.)
It is hard to do a job when there seems to be no purpose to it. Or if the goal is 'money'. Yes, we need money to live. So should one work at a job for the sole purpose of making money? And then what? Would it not be better to do a job where you can make a real difference?
My aunt volunteers at a place called 'Shake a Leg'. It is an organization that teaches paraplegic people how to sail. The people who volunteer for Friendship Circle and work with children with special needs are making a real difference too.
Those jobs are voluntary. Why does it seem like the jobs which bring change and good feeling are always voluntary positions? I think I just answered my own question.
I've always had a problem with authority. My mother taught me to not be chuzpadik. I try. Or I get around it. I sailed through high school and seminary skipping class, doing what I wanted when I wanted, and still had a pretty decent relationship with my principals. I just like to do my own thing, I don't like having rules imposed upon me.
I hope one day to be self-employed and to be able to make a career out of what I love to do. Until then, I must suffer at the hands of bosses who tell me what to do. They want me to adopt their love for the business, their drive, their goals, their purpose. But what if I disagree with it, or if I find no purpose in it? Should I just 'get by', like all the other weary unhappy working class?
I've recently been studying philosophy. And what I learned is, if you question everything, you'll go insane. Should you stop asking? Leave things alone? Convince yourself that a job is a job and you don't need a purpose?
I never claimed to have all the answers. (Gravity!)
It is hard to do a job when there seems to be no purpose to it. Or if the goal is 'money'. Yes, we need money to live. So should one work at a job for the sole purpose of making money? And then what? Would it not be better to do a job where you can make a real difference?
My aunt volunteers at a place called 'Shake a Leg'. It is an organization that teaches paraplegic people how to sail. The people who volunteer for Friendship Circle and work with children with special needs are making a real difference too.
Those jobs are voluntary. Why does it seem like the jobs which bring change and good feeling are always voluntary positions? I think I just answered my own question.
I've always had a problem with authority. My mother taught me to not be chuzpadik. I try. Or I get around it. I sailed through high school and seminary skipping class, doing what I wanted when I wanted, and still had a pretty decent relationship with my principals. I just like to do my own thing, I don't like having rules imposed upon me.
I hope one day to be self-employed and to be able to make a career out of what I love to do. Until then, I must suffer at the hands of bosses who tell me what to do. They want me to adopt their love for the business, their drive, their goals, their purpose. But what if I disagree with it, or if I find no purpose in it? Should I just 'get by', like all the other weary unhappy working class?
I've recently been studying philosophy. And what I learned is, if you question everything, you'll go insane. Should you stop asking? Leave things alone? Convince yourself that a job is a job and you don't need a purpose?
I never claimed to have all the answers. (Gravity!)
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Balancing act
In life you have to find the perfect balance. Try putting a wooden board on top of a ball. Then stand on top of it. (Don't try this at home boys and girls.)
It can be hard. Balancing work, and school. Friends with obligations. Vacation with regular life. How can you do it all?
What happens when it gets overwhelming? You go away for Shabbos, you come back, and life hits you in the face. Laundry, food shopping, preparing stuff for the week.
You have to slow it down. Ever watch a video in slow motion? They do it all the time in sports, to show you the play-by-play that gets lost when you watch it in real time. Take a deep breath and slow things down. One thing at a time. What is your top priority right now? What can be pushed off for another time? What is your first and foremost immediate concern?
Making lists can help you organize what you need to do. Some people find it helpful, while others find them tedious. You have to find what works for you.
The main thing is, stay calm. Don't freak out. You have a lot to do? That's great. That means your life is full, you have a purpose. So do everything, but in a certain order.
And at the end of the day, I watch reality TV because it makes me feel so much better about my own life.
It can be hard. Balancing work, and school. Friends with obligations. Vacation with regular life. How can you do it all?
What happens when it gets overwhelming? You go away for Shabbos, you come back, and life hits you in the face. Laundry, food shopping, preparing stuff for the week.
You have to slow it down. Ever watch a video in slow motion? They do it all the time in sports, to show you the play-by-play that gets lost when you watch it in real time. Take a deep breath and slow things down. One thing at a time. What is your top priority right now? What can be pushed off for another time? What is your first and foremost immediate concern?
Making lists can help you organize what you need to do. Some people find it helpful, while others find them tedious. You have to find what works for you.
The main thing is, stay calm. Don't freak out. You have a lot to do? That's great. That means your life is full, you have a purpose. So do everything, but in a certain order.
And at the end of the day, I watch reality TV because it makes me feel so much better about my own life.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Pure Awesomeness
Awesomeness,
this feeling of bliss,
excitement, running through me,
ecstasy.
I feel so free,
so liberated,
so validated,
by me.
Spring in my step,
easy breathing,
lightheaded,
in a good way.
Life is good.
It is.
Knowing that
everything will be okay.
Coming home to
my simple abode,
still on a high,
applause ringing in my ears.
Coursing through my veins,
I hope this feeling
will last forever
every night and day.
I want to wake up tomorrow,
happy, at peace,
like I can do anything
that I am unstoppable.
I want to bottle this
elixir of life,
and drink little sips
when I'm feeling down.
Tonight is good,
I will remember this high
and not let it get away
this time.
Because I want to feel this good
forever.
this feeling of bliss,
excitement, running through me,
ecstasy.
I feel so free,
so liberated,
so validated,
by me.
Spring in my step,
easy breathing,
lightheaded,
in a good way.
Life is good.
It is.
Knowing that
everything will be okay.
Coming home to
my simple abode,
still on a high,
applause ringing in my ears.
Coursing through my veins,
I hope this feeling
will last forever
every night and day.
I want to wake up tomorrow,
happy, at peace,
like I can do anything
that I am unstoppable.
I want to bottle this
elixir of life,
and drink little sips
when I'm feeling down.
Tonight is good,
I will remember this high
and not let it get away
this time.
Because I want to feel this good
forever.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Real Men Wear Suits
My heart beats faster
As I see all the suits aound me.
Walking fast, ties flapping,
Shiny shoes tapping
On the pavement.
Going here, there and everywhere.
Nice suits in many colors,
With stripes, and patterns,
Blue shirts, and white shirts underneath.
Pressed pants, straight from the cleaners,
Expensive looking,
Distinguished, well-dressed.
Feels so familiar,
Makes me feel safe, secure.
Makes me want to call my Dad and say,
"I miss you."
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Silent night
"Hi, how are you?"
'I'm good, how are you?'
Silence.
Dot dot dot....
Nothing.
[-Blank- is offline and can't receive messages right now.]
Sigh. There are so many things I want to tell you. So much I wish I could share with you. I sit here and wait. And wait some more. The sink is filled with dishes that need to be washed, I need to prepare a lunch for tomorrow. I should really do the responsible thing and take a shower and go to bed. Tomorrow is too close to ignore it.
But I sit here. The house is quiet. The screen is dark and still.
And you are out there somewhere, unawares.
My tea is getting cold, and it is just no fun drinking alone.
'I'm good, how are you?'
Silence.
Dot dot dot....
Nothing.
[-Blank- is offline and can't receive messages right now.]
Sigh. There are so many things I want to tell you. So much I wish I could share with you. I sit here and wait. And wait some more. The sink is filled with dishes that need to be washed, I need to prepare a lunch for tomorrow. I should really do the responsible thing and take a shower and go to bed. Tomorrow is too close to ignore it.
But I sit here. The house is quiet. The screen is dark and still.
And you are out there somewhere, unawares.
My tea is getting cold, and it is just no fun drinking alone.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Like me, LIKE me!
I don't understand the Facebook 'like' button. I dislike it. It allows you to like anything. Friend's statuses, their photos, and anything else they choose to post.
You can't like people, but you can like groups. Some groups are desperate for 'likes', going so far as to make contests for who can get the most people to 'like' their page, and win a prize. One such contest was by a photographer, and the prize was a free photo shoot. A friend of mine asked me to 'like' the guys page, and say who referred me, so she could win the free photo shoot. I helped her out, and when the contest was over I 'unliked' the page.
I don't think that many likes necessarily equals popularity in any way. If anything, it just means that that group was particularly pushy and annoying.
'Like this page for a chance to win a free...'
Facebook has not complied with suggestions to create an opposite 'dislike' button. I suppose they feel people will be far too free with their criticism.
I don't understand desperate cries for attention or 'like'. It is really unseemly.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Stuck to the bottom
'Tis the season for soups! I love to sit down to a steamy bowl of hearty soup, as the weather frosts up the windows outside. They are also fun to make. Sometimes I loosely follow a recipe, but most often I just throw in whatever I feel like.
Somehow I ended up making a Soup of the Week for a few weeks in a row. One week it was turkey soup. I like the turkey necks as opposed to chicken necks, I think it has more flavor, and of course more meat on the bone, due to its bigger size. I usually only use green vegetables, since I have an aversion to any remotely sweet vegetables, such as carrots, turnips, parsnips, etc. I favor leeks, zucchini, onions, potatoes, dill, (no parsley), scallions, sometimes mushrooms, green peppers. For spices I keep it simple, salt and pepper. The dill adds a lot of flavor.
Last week I made a tomato soup. It came out very thick and hearty. I added chopped up vegetables, so I let it cook for awhile. Unfortunately, I wasn't watching it so closely, and the bottom of the pot ended up burning. It took me days to scrub the burnt stuff off.
Once the pot was clean, I was in the mood to cook again. This week I made a mushroom-barley-split pea soup. My mother used to make it all the time when I was little, and while mine did not come out quite as good as my mother's, it still tastes pretty great. The process involves cooking the split peas for about an hour until they are tender, (including any vegetables you feel like adding), and then adding the barley and letting it cook for another while. Of course, I forgot to watch the pot and the barley stuck to the bottom. I managed to coax them back to life, and my soup did not burn.
There are many analogies I can find between life, and a pot of soup. One of them that struck me was action, or inaction. Either you are moving, or you are stuck. Stagnant is not a healthy state to be in.
When you stir the soup, it bubbles merrily, it cooks as it should. If you let it sit and don't watch it, it can burn, it can get stuck to the bottom, which will require major clean up afterwards.
We have to be constantly moving in our life, physically and spiritually. Bump up your exercise routine. Make time to learn new things, in Torah and in other areas. If not, you will become lethargic, your life will become stasis. This is not good.
Don't get stuck on the bottom. Keep moving!
Have a good week, and be sure to try out your favorite soup recipes :)
Somehow I ended up making a Soup of the Week for a few weeks in a row. One week it was turkey soup. I like the turkey necks as opposed to chicken necks, I think it has more flavor, and of course more meat on the bone, due to its bigger size. I usually only use green vegetables, since I have an aversion to any remotely sweet vegetables, such as carrots, turnips, parsnips, etc. I favor leeks, zucchini, onions, potatoes, dill, (no parsley), scallions, sometimes mushrooms, green peppers. For spices I keep it simple, salt and pepper. The dill adds a lot of flavor.
Last week I made a tomato soup. It came out very thick and hearty. I added chopped up vegetables, so I let it cook for awhile. Unfortunately, I wasn't watching it so closely, and the bottom of the pot ended up burning. It took me days to scrub the burnt stuff off.
Once the pot was clean, I was in the mood to cook again. This week I made a mushroom-barley-split pea soup. My mother used to make it all the time when I was little, and while mine did not come out quite as good as my mother's, it still tastes pretty great. The process involves cooking the split peas for about an hour until they are tender, (including any vegetables you feel like adding), and then adding the barley and letting it cook for another while. Of course, I forgot to watch the pot and the barley stuck to the bottom. I managed to coax them back to life, and my soup did not burn.
There are many analogies I can find between life, and a pot of soup. One of them that struck me was action, or inaction. Either you are moving, or you are stuck. Stagnant is not a healthy state to be in.
When you stir the soup, it bubbles merrily, it cooks as it should. If you let it sit and don't watch it, it can burn, it can get stuck to the bottom, which will require major clean up afterwards.
We have to be constantly moving in our life, physically and spiritually. Bump up your exercise routine. Make time to learn new things, in Torah and in other areas. If not, you will become lethargic, your life will become stasis. This is not good.
Don't get stuck on the bottom. Keep moving!
Have a good week, and be sure to try out your favorite soup recipes :)
Occupation: Superstar
When I was little, I wanted to be British. When we played 'make-believe', I tried so hard to put on a British accent. I don't remember ever desiring a specific profession as little children tend to do, such as princess, fireman, nurse, etc.
When you were little, did you ever think about what you wanted to be 'when you grew up'? Or rather, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Some people in this society merely have jobs, not careers. Some go to school for a specific profession, some don't go to school at all. Some people start out with a plan, and others do not. Whatever the case, plans don't always work out. But there are bills to pay and food to buy, so people take jobs wherever they can get them.
Do you enjoy what you do? Once, when I was job hunting, my father said to me, "Take any job you can get, regardless if you are happy there. If you need the money, you are not at liberty to wait for the perfect job." While I understand his viewpoint, I thought that was kind of a sad outlook on life, especially considering that my father does enjoy his job. I don't think that a person should do something that makes them unhappy.
Ideally, it would be great if everyone could do what they loved to do, and get paid for it. For some people, that might mean shopping all day, or watching movies, or eating. So, there are personal shoppers, and movie critiques, and writers for food blogs. It may not be likely, but it is possible. Some people just enjoy being famous, and they get paid for that.
Whether you have a job, or a career, the main thing is that you have to enjoy what you do. If you are not happy there, it affects your performance, and your attitude, which can affect your health, and your lifestyle.
There was recently this 'quiz' going around Facebook. Personally, I think a lot of the Facebook apps are dumb, and a waste of time. They say things like 'Which Disney Character are you most like?', or 'What type of personality are you'? This one was for which profession you should have gone into. Not, could have, would have been good at, but should have been. Does Facebook think that people will drop whatever they are doing to start a whole new career because it is what they should have gone into? yes, these quizzes are meant to be fun and playful. But even so, do you really need to look back and say, "I should have done something else with my life"?
Ironically, my friend took the quiz 4 times, and got 4 different results. Guess it all depends on how you answer the questions.
I was speaking to a lawyer recently, and the topic of college came up. He told me he had majored in accounting for his undergrad, as many people told him that it would help him for law school. He said he got straight C's, that he should have majored in English because that is the subject he is best at, that had he majored in English he might have gotten into a better law school, etc etc. Then he stressed that he is happy with where he ended up, and he doesn't regret the path that he took.
But he obviously has thought about it. Do you want to go through life thinking, 'what if'? How would my life have turned out if only I would have done....
If you have a goal, or skills, or a desire to be something, then go for it. While not everybody can afford to follow their dreams, ambition will get you far in life.
But don't look back with regrets and say "I should have been...."
When you were little, did you ever think about what you wanted to be 'when you grew up'? Or rather, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Some people in this society merely have jobs, not careers. Some go to school for a specific profession, some don't go to school at all. Some people start out with a plan, and others do not. Whatever the case, plans don't always work out. But there are bills to pay and food to buy, so people take jobs wherever they can get them.
Do you enjoy what you do? Once, when I was job hunting, my father said to me, "Take any job you can get, regardless if you are happy there. If you need the money, you are not at liberty to wait for the perfect job." While I understand his viewpoint, I thought that was kind of a sad outlook on life, especially considering that my father does enjoy his job. I don't think that a person should do something that makes them unhappy.
Ideally, it would be great if everyone could do what they loved to do, and get paid for it. For some people, that might mean shopping all day, or watching movies, or eating. So, there are personal shoppers, and movie critiques, and writers for food blogs. It may not be likely, but it is possible. Some people just enjoy being famous, and they get paid for that.
Whether you have a job, or a career, the main thing is that you have to enjoy what you do. If you are not happy there, it affects your performance, and your attitude, which can affect your health, and your lifestyle.
There was recently this 'quiz' going around Facebook. Personally, I think a lot of the Facebook apps are dumb, and a waste of time. They say things like 'Which Disney Character are you most like?', or 'What type of personality are you'? This one was for which profession you should have gone into. Not, could have, would have been good at, but should have been. Does Facebook think that people will drop whatever they are doing to start a whole new career because it is what they should have gone into? yes, these quizzes are meant to be fun and playful. But even so, do you really need to look back and say, "I should have done something else with my life"?
Ironically, my friend took the quiz 4 times, and got 4 different results. Guess it all depends on how you answer the questions.
I was speaking to a lawyer recently, and the topic of college came up. He told me he had majored in accounting for his undergrad, as many people told him that it would help him for law school. He said he got straight C's, that he should have majored in English because that is the subject he is best at, that had he majored in English he might have gotten into a better law school, etc etc. Then he stressed that he is happy with where he ended up, and he doesn't regret the path that he took.
But he obviously has thought about it. Do you want to go through life thinking, 'what if'? How would my life have turned out if only I would have done....
If you have a goal, or skills, or a desire to be something, then go for it. While not everybody can afford to follow their dreams, ambition will get you far in life.
But don't look back with regrets and say "I should have been...."
Friday, October 12, 2012
No Joke
So I was on the bus today, and this older lady was sitting there, talking on her phone. She looked to be maybe in her late 40's early 50's, no real way to know. She had a smartphone, meaning to say it was way cooler than my phone. It was a touch screen, no idea what make or model, but pretty current. Like, my mom would never be able to figure it out.
I see her start taking something out of her purse. It was a purple wire of some sort. I thought it was a phone charger, but that made no sense being that there are no outlets on a bus. At the end of the wire I see something big and bulky coming out of her purse.....
It was a phone! Not her cell phone. A hand held old fashioned big phone, one that you can hold between your ear and your shoulder. The kind that is usually connected to the wall in your house. Only, this one had a wire that connected to her... you guessed it. Her sleek small so-tiny-can-fit-in-your-shirt-pocket new and improved cell phone.
And I'm thinking, are you kidding me? The point of the cell phone was to unplug you, to make your burden lighter. The best simile I can think of- a pair of earbud headphones attached to a boombox. Why would you want to lug that around?
Here are some photos for illustration:
And there you have it Ladies and Gentleman.
I see her start taking something out of her purse. It was a purple wire of some sort. I thought it was a phone charger, but that made no sense being that there are no outlets on a bus. At the end of the wire I see something big and bulky coming out of her purse.....
It was a phone! Not her cell phone. A hand held old fashioned big phone, one that you can hold between your ear and your shoulder. The kind that is usually connected to the wall in your house. Only, this one had a wire that connected to her... you guessed it. Her sleek small so-tiny-can-fit-in-your-shirt-pocket new and improved cell phone.
And I'm thinking, are you kidding me? The point of the cell phone was to unplug you, to make your burden lighter. The best simile I can think of- a pair of earbud headphones attached to a boombox. Why would you want to lug that around?
Here are some photos for illustration:
And there you have it Ladies and Gentleman.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
And they didn't change their names...
I used to work at a dental office in Williamsburg. I found it funny every time a frum chasseedish mother walked in with her kids in tow, curly peyos at their ears, and said, "This is Barry, this is Joseph, this is Henry." Like, really? Who are you kidding?
Or when I call up a company that is run by frum guys and the guy who answers, in a heavy Yidish accent, says his name is 'Jake'.
I don't understand why parents give their children English names at birth. You should be proud of your Hebrew name. Maybe some people find it hard to pronounce the 'ch' sound, but so what. A name is the essence of a person. It connects to your soul. Does 'Barry' connect to your soul?
My brother adopted an English name for his job. My co-worker recently decided to introduce himself as Richard to customers. No idea why he picked that particular name.
Maybe when people do it they just want to fit in, they just want to make it easier for secular people to say their name. But in Egypt, one of the three things it says the Jews did not change was their names. So why should we? Especially these days, when freedom of religion is so accepted everywhere, we do not have a need to hide.
Be Yoel, or Yossi, or Yitchok, or Chaya, or whatever your parents named you. Your name is special, and you shouldn't change it.
Or when I call up a company that is run by frum guys and the guy who answers, in a heavy Yidish accent, says his name is 'Jake'.
I don't understand why parents give their children English names at birth. You should be proud of your Hebrew name. Maybe some people find it hard to pronounce the 'ch' sound, but so what. A name is the essence of a person. It connects to your soul. Does 'Barry' connect to your soul?
My brother adopted an English name for his job. My co-worker recently decided to introduce himself as Richard to customers. No idea why he picked that particular name.
Maybe when people do it they just want to fit in, they just want to make it easier for secular people to say their name. But in Egypt, one of the three things it says the Jews did not change was their names. So why should we? Especially these days, when freedom of religion is so accepted everywhere, we do not have a need to hide.
Be Yoel, or Yossi, or Yitchok, or Chaya, or whatever your parents named you. Your name is special, and you shouldn't change it.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Find Me
They ask me,
again and again.
I make up answers as I go along.
Different versions of the truth.
But the thing is, I don't really even know myself.
Did you ever have a dream in life?
A shining goal
that stares you in the face.
Did you ever fear failure
before you even began?
Fear.
It cripples you.
It immobilizes you.
It is a game stopper.
I want so much to play the game.
But my fears paralyze me.
They hold me back from
discovering
if I even have what it takes.
They say if you never even try
you have already failed.
What happens if you do try
and you fail?
Was it worth the effort?
It says, "yagati velo matzati - al taamin."
Does that mean if you fail
you have not truly tried?
That the goal should become the reality-
this is the dream.
Find me-
off the beaten path,
amongst the old twisted gnarly trees.
Find me-
around the bend in the road,
where no one thought to look.
Find me-
and take my hand
and help me across the finish line.
No one,
not even the strongest of men-
can do it alone.
Find me.
again and again.
I make up answers as I go along.
Different versions of the truth.
But the thing is, I don't really even know myself.
Did you ever have a dream in life?
A shining goal
that stares you in the face.
Did you ever fear failure
before you even began?
Fear.
It cripples you.
It immobilizes you.
It is a game stopper.
I want so much to play the game.
But my fears paralyze me.
They hold me back from
discovering
if I even have what it takes.
They say if you never even try
you have already failed.
What happens if you do try
and you fail?
Was it worth the effort?
It says, "yagati velo matzati - al taamin."
Does that mean if you fail
you have not truly tried?
That the goal should become the reality-
this is the dream.
Find me-
off the beaten path,
amongst the old twisted gnarly trees.
Find me-
around the bend in the road,
where no one thought to look.
Find me-
and take my hand
and help me across the finish line.
No one,
not even the strongest of men-
can do it alone.
Find me.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
One less thing to worry about...
The good thing about Simchas Torah: Nobody can drink and drive. Please watch your alcohol consumption on Yom Tov. You are supposed to be besimcha, not stone cold drunk. Have a good Yom Tov!!
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Growing up way too fast
How do you tell a 10 year old that she knows way too much? Too much about Hannah Montana, too much about boyfriends, and girlfriends. An 8 year old who knows what 'cheating' is, and not in reference to a board game. They tell me Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are engaged. The 8 year old sings me a song, by Rhianna. About love, or broken hearts, or something.
She tells me she has her whole life mapped out. I listen, fascinated. She knows what kind of guy she wants to marry (Tall, handsome, rich, with a British accent because she loves listening to it.) She knows how many kids she wants to have (8, or however many Hashem wants.) She knows where she wants to live (Georgia. No idea why.) She wants to live in a big house with 3 floors, with a pool. She wants to make $5,000 a month. (She couldn't figure out how much that comes to a year.) She wants to be an artist, photographer, and producer. I asked her what she wants to produce. She said, I don't know, maybe movies.
I tell her she knows too much for her age, and she should go play with barbies. She tells me, in a voice that says 'you are so naive', that ALL her classmates know all this stuff too. That they all watch TV. She tells me, like I am an idiot, that she knows even more than what she is telling me. She teases her 18 year old brother that he has a girlfriend.
Then she asks me, in all seriousness, what kind of guy I'm looking for. Yes everybody, a 10 year old Shadchan. She asks me what he should look like, do I want a tall guy, short, fat or skinny, handsome or ugly. I respond, very diplomatically, that it is the inside that matters more, and that 'Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.'
I can't believe I'm discussing this with a 10 year old. Am I extremely naive, or has this generation deteriorated so vastly? I am discussing things with a 10 year old and an 8 year old that they shouldn't even know. That I shouldn't even know about. Where did it go wrong?
I tell this little girl (she claims she is already a teenager. Maybe THAT'S the problem) that if she knows all this stuff now, what will there be for her to know when she gets older? She scoffs and says, "I won't watch TV when I'm older. I will know like, science and stuff."
Good luck, little girl.
She tells me she has her whole life mapped out. I listen, fascinated. She knows what kind of guy she wants to marry (Tall, handsome, rich, with a British accent because she loves listening to it.) She knows how many kids she wants to have (8, or however many Hashem wants.) She knows where she wants to live (Georgia. No idea why.) She wants to live in a big house with 3 floors, with a pool. She wants to make $5,000 a month. (She couldn't figure out how much that comes to a year.) She wants to be an artist, photographer, and producer. I asked her what she wants to produce. She said, I don't know, maybe movies.
I tell her she knows too much for her age, and she should go play with barbies. She tells me, in a voice that says 'you are so naive', that ALL her classmates know all this stuff too. That they all watch TV. She tells me, like I am an idiot, that she knows even more than what she is telling me. She teases her 18 year old brother that he has a girlfriend.
Then she asks me, in all seriousness, what kind of guy I'm looking for. Yes everybody, a 10 year old Shadchan. She asks me what he should look like, do I want a tall guy, short, fat or skinny, handsome or ugly. I respond, very diplomatically, that it is the inside that matters more, and that 'Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.'
I can't believe I'm discussing this with a 10 year old. Am I extremely naive, or has this generation deteriorated so vastly? I am discussing things with a 10 year old and an 8 year old that they shouldn't even know. That I shouldn't even know about. Where did it go wrong?
I tell this little girl (she claims she is already a teenager. Maybe THAT'S the problem) that if she knows all this stuff now, what will there be for her to know when she gets older? She scoffs and says, "I won't watch TV when I'm older. I will know like, science and stuff."
Good luck, little girl.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Pick a side, any side, I don't care which one you pick
I decided long ago that I would never discuss politics with anyone, for two reasons.
1) What I believe is nobodies business.
2) A large majority of people are ignorant in this area.
Regarding my first point. A lot of people don't care what your opinion is and will not respect it. All they want to do is get the chance to bash it and try to tell you why you are wrong. So what's the point in discussing it with them.
Regarding my second point: why would I take advice from ignorant people? Additionally, it is often painful to hear the things people senselessly spout, without having any knowledge on the matter, or any real substantial facts to back it up.
So, I steer clear.
There's one thing I don't understand. Big Bird. He's cute, furry, yellow, innocent. Why must people put him in the spotlight for something he didn't do?
What about etch-a-sketch? They are a fun children's toy. Again, why must they get such negative media coverage?
It is funny the things people choose to focus on, for no real reason. Jump on it, actually.
What makes one guy better than the other guy? Let's just take a gamble and say, facts. The words they are saying, the things they are promising. Will they follow through?
You know what the President has done over the past 4 years. Many people view him in a negative light. Maybe they have valid reasons for that. But what about the other guy? The new kid on the playground? How much do you really know about him? It's a gamble, really. There's no way to know if he will be any better, if he will carry through on his promises.
I really think that for some people, it is not a thought-out process. Some people make the decision based on prejudices, racism, because they like the other guy's voice better. Maybe they have no reason at all. Perhaps many people make their decision based on what they hear from other people, from their parents, their friends, their co-workers. When it comes down to it- who do you like better?
Believe what you want to believe, but make sure that you have a good solid foundation beneath your beliefs, so they don't one day all come toppling down.
Happy voting!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
T.G.I.O.
Thank G-d it's over.
Someone asked me how my Yom Tov was. My answer: too much food.
My sister did all the cooking. My father made some joke about how my sister said 'we have to eat again tonight'. Less than half my family was home for Yom Tov, and yet we still have tons of food. It's like none of us know how to cook in smaller quantities.
There should be a mandatory fast after every 2 day holiday. I think I'm going on a hunger strike.
There is something slightly melancholy about motzei Yom Tov. When I was little, the sukkahs would empty, everyone would go off with friends, to 'hang out', or 'do stuff', go to simchas bais hashuava. And it would get so quiet. Back to life, back to technology.
Then I grew up and it was my turn to get out as fast as I could the second yom tov was over.
Sure, I want to hang out. Sure I want to have fun, I will definitely go to simchas bais hashuava, I might even stay out all night. But I am older now. More responsible. I have to wake up tomorrow, for work, for life, for whatever it is that I have to do. I don't live life with such abandonment anymore. That is a good thing.
Concerts? Amusement parks? No thank you.
Wishing everyone a fun and healthy Chol Hamoade. Be safe, and stay warm!
Someone asked me how my Yom Tov was. My answer: too much food.
My sister did all the cooking. My father made some joke about how my sister said 'we have to eat again tonight'. Less than half my family was home for Yom Tov, and yet we still have tons of food. It's like none of us know how to cook in smaller quantities.
There should be a mandatory fast after every 2 day holiday. I think I'm going on a hunger strike.
There is something slightly melancholy about motzei Yom Tov. When I was little, the sukkahs would empty, everyone would go off with friends, to 'hang out', or 'do stuff', go to simchas bais hashuava. And it would get so quiet. Back to life, back to technology.
Then I grew up and it was my turn to get out as fast as I could the second yom tov was over.
Sure, I want to hang out. Sure I want to have fun, I will definitely go to simchas bais hashuava, I might even stay out all night. But I am older now. More responsible. I have to wake up tomorrow, for work, for life, for whatever it is that I have to do. I don't live life with such abandonment anymore. That is a good thing.
Concerts? Amusement parks? No thank you.
Wishing everyone a fun and healthy Chol Hamoade. Be safe, and stay warm!
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