They say the storm is coming, but I don't see it, I don't feel it. They are all running away, and I think, coward! Stay and fight it like a man. Stand in the eye of the storm and defeat it. Why are you running?
You are hungry, but you can't eat. You are tired, but you can't sleep. You are neglecting everything you have to do. Why? Why do you run away when the storm comes?
I want to run a marathon. I want to feel my feet hitting the pavement, I want to run until I can't breath, I want to feel exhilarated. I want to run into the eye of the storm, not away from it, and feel the wind whipping around me at 70 mph, I want to feel the rain lashing at my skin. I want to experience it and know that THIS is powerful, because G-d created it so.
And they say things like, "G-d, you know what to do now" and I laugh, because does He know what you are talking about? Do you think He listens when you make a 'friendly suggestion'?
They say all you have to do is believe and I try so very hard to. But it is like monkey bars and my hands are slippery and I just can't reach that next rung.... And I fall, again. And again. And the landing just gets harder every time.
They have an answer for everything, and it is beautiful, and it is meaningful. But it doesn't penetrate because, well, they are not me. And do they even know what they are talking about? Do they even believe the words they say?
Just believe and- it'll be good. Just believe and- everything will work out. Just believe and- you have no more worries, no more fears, no more problems.
Belief. Is that all? I don't believe so. Is it a trick then? Is life just one big game, and I have not yet mastered the rules? Tell me, because I want to know. I seem to be missing something.
The storm is coming, and I will be here, riding it out.
Alone.
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