Anger

I have a pounding headache and the bathroom is filled with steam. Someone has turned on the hot water and hung a shirt to get out the wrinkles. Great. We now have a sauna in the apartment.

Strike one.

The same person has a very hard time washing dishes. It must take a lot of effort to pick up a sponge and move it around. Said person has left dishes in the sink for a week at a time.

Strike two.

Now I'm pissed. With a headache. In the morning. I hate talking in the morning.

Leave sign in big bold red letters. "Wash your dishes". No exclamation mark, no "Stupid" at the end. That would be overkill.

Said person upon seeing the sign: "Do you think I'm 3?" (Think: What would my mother say? 'No, cuz a 3 year old would wash their dishes before they are asked!')

Instead, say: You made a sauna in the bathroom in the morning when everyone has to use the bathroom. (The two incidents may not be related, but at this point the anger is boiling. Get everything out now.) You leave dishes in the sink for a week! It is not that hard to wash dishes!

Said person goes to their room and slams the door.

(I hate confrontation, especially in the morning. I feel like I am shaking. It is anger? Is it fear? Should I not have said anything?)

I go to my room and shut the door. Hear furious whispering behind the door. Said person is now badmouthing me to a 3rd party. Yay. Real mature.

Angel emboldens me. Normally I try to tiptoe around people and not make a big deal of things even if they bother me. But when I am mad, I say it all. It usually feels really good.

"Oh ya? You are stupid and ugly and I hate you."

"I don't love you and never did."

"You are useless and you should move out."

Do you ever think bad thoughts in your head? Do you ever see a person that you really hate and think, I hate you and I wish you would die? We are told that our thoughts have as much power as our actions, and we should be careful what we think.

But somehow, it is easier to control our actions than to control our thoughts.

So I don't think 'Die stupid girl, die'. Instead I think, move out of the apartment you lazy stupid (bleep bleep bleeeeeeeep) person, you never wash your dishes and you take up so much space and your room is always messy and it smells, and I don't care where you go after that, even if you end up in a garbage heap'

Ya, I'm such a horrible person. And in Aseres yemai teshuva no less.

Sometimes we don't want to apologize or ask for forgiveness.

Sometimes we don't want to write inspirational pieces and say how we can better ourselves.

Sometimes we just want to indulge in the anger, pure and simple.

You annoy me, and I hate you.