Stop calling me

I can't think of 8. All I can come up with is texting, or emailing. Maybe voicemail. Or chat. BBM if you have a Blackberry.

I hate when people call me when I am sleeping, or have recently woken up. The first thing they ask me is 'Did I just wake you up?'. That is a dumb question for many reasons. If you did just wake me up, what are you going to do about it? Hang up? I'm already up, so say what you called to say, and get it over with. If you did just wake me up and I lie and say you didn't to make you feel better, but we both know I'm lying, do you feel any better? And I still just woke up. So if my voice sounds fuzzy with sleep- don't ask me dumb questions, because that is when I have the least patience for it.

The first time I got a phone call and chose to ignore it- nothing happened. My phone didn't blow up. The person who called didn't show up at my door and say 'Ha! I knew you were ignoring me!'. I just looked at my phone and it felt so liberating. I am no longer a slave to my phone. You can call, and if I don't want to talk to you I won't answer. Maybe leave me a message if it's important. Maybe I will get back to you later. Maybe I will even say 'Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't hear my phone because _________________' (insert brilliant fake excuse here.)

Yes, I am a product of my generation. Yes, I fall back on texting way too often. If all you need to say can fit into 160 characters or less, than why bother me with a phone call? I got a call from someone once and all she wanted was the phone number of a mutual friend. By the time she made that clear, we were 5 minutes into the conversation, and I was grasping at things to say to keep the conversation going. All she wanted was a phone number. I ended up texting it to her anyway. Who writes down phone numbers anymore?

Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to talk to you. Or to anyone. So don't call me. Just send me a text. If it sounds important, I will call you back. If not, we can have a heated conversation via text, with emoticons and everything.

The only person I would pick up for anytime is my mother. Because, well, she can't text. She doesn't own a cell phone. And she would end up leaving me a 5 minute long message anyway, which I would listen to, and then call her back, and then she would just repeat the whole message. So let's just cut to the chase. (Hi Ma!).

First there were letters. Beautiful, handwritten, snail mail genuine letters. The kinds that are now preserved in museums. The kind that are mostly extinct.

Then came the phone. When you can have hours long conversations with your friends, laying on your bed with your feet kicking in the air, giggling about some gossip that is only important to a teenager. That is a bygone era as well. Like, waaaaay back in the 90's.

Then came the cell phone. The big, clunky, "I'm so cool I have a cell phone even though it's as big as a house" phone. Calling people on the go? You can always stay connected!

Then it just kept on improving. The invention of the text. A miracle. Now, we can both be sitting in the same room, not talking, not making a sound, and we can text each other. No need to look at you, I can see your smiley clearly on the screen. You said something funny? No problem. I'll just reply with an 'lol'. Get used to it, it's the new mode of dating.

You think I'm joking, but I'm not. No really. Don't call me.

Have a good Shabbos :-)