The ups and downs of life

Some things just don't make sense. Like why G-d kills people. Two in one night. But we are not supposed to question that are we. So we say "Blessed is the righteous judge', spare a tear or two, and then go on our merry way.

And I thought it was going to be a quiet year. I asked G-d to make it a year with no sorrow or suffering. Now I know, who am I, and why would G-d take orders from me? But I would like to think that we are tight enough that He would at least consider my suggestion.

Some things make perfect sense. Like when a friend needs you, you are there, no questions asked. If it is to give a ride in the middle of the night, to provide alcohol so said friend could drown their sorrows away, or to help them bury a body, and then never speak of it again- there is no excuse not to be there for a friend. To be selfish is not to be a friend.

There are so many things clashing and colliding. When you are at a crossroads, as the given example goes for changes in life, and you don't know which way to go, but lets say for arguments sake that you do know where to go, and the problem lies in the traffic, a constant flow of oncoming cars that bars your way. What to do? Wait until it clears, or rush through it in the hopes of getting across unscathed?

You can't exactly stop your life when crisis or challenge arise. There really is no point to stop for an indefinite amount of time just to figure things out, or cuz you are too scared to move forwards or backwards. The correct procedure would be to stop and assess, and then go in the direction you deem most suitable.

So what do you want to do with your life? What do you want to do with your life? That is the question. How could you live your whole life being told what to do- go to school, study, try hard, respect your teachers, don't fight, share your snack, dress tzniusly, say your chittas, daven every day- yes it is understandable why a child must be taught all or most or some of those things. But along with it, is a child taught independence, free thinking, the ability to make ones own decisions about ones life? Or is that supposed to be figured out somewhere along the way?

At one point I thought I had it all figured out. What kind of guy I wanted to marry, how I wanted to raise my children, what career I wanted for myself, how I saw myself ten years down the line. And then somewhere along the way it changed and distorted, like a pencil in water. Maybe it didn't change, maybe I changed. Or maybe circumstances changed. But now I'm not so sure it's that clear anymore. Or that it ever was.

I live in a week from Sunday for my new job. I've never quit anything before in my life, and I don't plan on doing it now. I will stick out the year, I will put in my efforts for a year, unless The Elusive One comes along and sweeps me off my feet before then. Then I will regretfully say goodbye to my dormies and start a new chapter in life.

Well, here's for hoping anyway, right?

There's a song I like that goes, "It's just a ride", referring to life. Then I ask myself, should I take it as a joke, or just let loose and enjoy the ride?