What lies beneath the mask...

By a raise of hands, how many of you know my last name? How many of you have ever seen me? Or think they know me just by reading my blog? How many people think Altie is not my real name? Okay, now how many people who know me in real life think they know the real me? Ya, put your hands down.

What is an online identity but a facade, a mask? You can't really know a person by reading their blog, chatting with them, etc. But truthfully, is 'real' life any different? Who is to say that the life we live is even 'real'? Are you really you? Am I really me? Has Big N8t stolen my identity for all eternity?

There is an entry in the English dictionary, for the word Persona. It is the origin of the word person, and it means: the mask or façade presented to satisfy the demands of the situation or the environment and not representing the inner personality of the individual; the public personality.

So in essence, the 'you' that you show the world is not the real you. How many masks do we have? People wear so many masks, that sometimes they look in the mirror and say, 'who is that stranger staring back at me'. We show our family one side, friends a totally different one, society yet a third. We laugh when we want to cry, smile, when we are burning up inside. We clench our fists and walk away from a fight, because we want to be a 'peacemaker.' We wear beards and kippas (well, not me) cuz that's what G-d wants of us. But what do WE really want? Or is that not supposed to matter?

We show the world only what we want them to see. But what about ourselves? Do we have masks for us too? Is it possible that no one really knows who the 'real' them is? It says, 'fake it till you make it.' So if you pretend to be someone long enough, do you actually become that person?

Very few human beings are able to see their deep, inner self, and still live with themselves afterward. I once kept a journal. I tried to write in it every day. I didn't even write deep stuff, just my general feelings. One time I reread what I wrote, and I felt like destroying it. Coming face to face with yourself is scarier then finding out who someone else is.

That's the truth of human's, though I find it sad. We are never true to our self, because even to our own selves, we don't want to appear weak and needy. If people in your lives have called you a loser and told you to 'suck it up' when you cried, eventually you will force yourself to stop crying, and you will ridicule yourself when you do show emotions.

Who are you, really? Is there anything underneath the mask? Or is it just like skin, layers, and layers, that never end? Maybe, just maybe, there's nothing really there, besides for a black hole, of emptiness. Or maybe it's the 'real' you, just waiting to be discovered.

In a way, I think masks are necessary. Imagine talking to a complete stranger, and telling them your life story, all your problems, and about how you are depressed. (It's called a therapist.) They will think very differently of you then they would have, had you just pasted a smile on your face and made believe everything was fine. Not everyone has to know what you are feeling inside. Some things are meant to be kept to yourself, and if that means putting on a face, then so be it.

But on the other hand, sometimes it is better to be yourself, rather than hide behind a mask, and try to be someone you are not.

I keep thinking of a movie I saw, in which a person used magic to make them self attractive. But when the magic went away, they turned back into an ugly creature, which was who they really were. They thought by looking pretty, people would like them more. But in the end, they were liked just fine without the mask.

So are masks really necessary, or are they an indisputable fact of life? Yes, it's easier to put on a mask, and hide behind it, even from yourself. But is it worth it in the long run?