Chabad- one family

Today I felt.... confused. So many mixed emotions. At one second, I was so happy, then the next, I was so unsure of myself. I wanted to scream for joy, and I wanted to cower under my blanket, and wish the world would go away.

I'm homesick. But not for my house. I do miss my family, but thats not why I'm homesick. I'm homesick for my home as a chossid. 770. The Rebe's home.

The funny thing is, whenever I'm in Crown Heights, I hardly ever go to 770. I stay away. But now, I yearn to be there. I yearn to feel that comforting feeling, the Rebbe's presence. I yearn to go the ohel, and connect with my Rebbe.

I was sitting in the classroom today, feeling glum. And in walked a Rabbi. I don't know him, and he doesn't know me. But I felt like hugging him, losing myself in his embrace. And no, not because I was hitting on him. Because he's the epitome of all I'm missing right now.

When I see a Rabbi with a black hat an jacket, I identify with it. They're like family, they're familiar.

I was in summer camp in Florida, and we didn't see too many frum Jews. One day, I saw a mitzva tank in the shopping center. I felt like running over to the bochurim there, and saying, 'It's me! I'm one of you! I'm lubavitch too!' But of course I didn't.

It's just a feeling you get, being part of something, something major. Right now I'm feeling a little detached from it all.

I'm homesick. I miss my family.

I think it's time for me to reconnect.