G-d and Facebook

I changed my relationship status on facebook. I wrote I was 'looking for a relationship'. (who isn't?) For some reason, it was posted as, 'In a relationship.' And also that, 'its complicated.'

My friends got a little worried at this. They wanted to know if something was going on that I didn't tell them. No, I'm not in a relationship. At least not the kind they were suspecting. So as a joke I wrote, I'm in a relationship with G-d, and it is complicated. (Facebook didn't let me say who I had a relationship with, cuz I guess G-d doesn't have facebook. Wonder of wonders.)

My relationship with G-d is very complicated. Its painful at times, its confusing, sometimes it seems its non-existent. But its always there, we can never disconnect from G-d, no matter how hard we try.

And just like all relationships, you have to work on it. That's the most annoying part. There's no such thing as 'I love you', and all is good. (I try it on my father, and his first question is, how much money do you want.)

I think about G-d every day. When things go wrong, its 'Oh G-d, what now?' And when I ask for help and don't see it, I say, 'c'mon G-d, you can do better than that.'

Who's the giver, and who's the receiver in this relationship?

I woke up this morning, and said hi to G-d.

We have a good relationship, Him and I.

or so I think.

I ask Him to help me find something, and there it is.

I ask Him for a break from school, and the teacher doesn't show up.

But is that a relationship? I ask, You answer.

You give, I take.

Seems one sided to me.

What am I giving back?

What is G-d gaining out of all of this?

Well I daven every day. Sometimes, even three. But is that enough?

Will anything I do, anything I can possibly give to G-d,

ever be enough?

In my mind the answer is no.

How could I, little me, tiny, minuscule,

non-existent in the eyes of G-d, possibly even try to give Him something back?

Compared to all that He gives me, I have nothing to offer.

He gives me health, family, friends, the ability to love and be loved, brains, and soooo much more.

Without all that G-d gives me, and does for me, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't exist.

G-d, in His kindness, grants me life. He gives me the opportunity to try to repay Him in some small way. So I should take the chance.

I don't have much to offer Him. But He doesn't seem to need that much.

I can repay Him by doing all that He asks of me. Following the Torah, doing mitzvos, davening, loving every Jew, etc etc.

And maybe in some small way, some VERY small way, I can thank Him for all that He's done for me.

So do we really have a good relationship, G-d and I?

It's a question with no answer. Something that has to be asked every day, and may never be clarified.

I think I'll leave my facebook status to just that:

'In a relation. It's complicated'