Shabbos in Tsfas

It was freezing! My toes, in the cute sandels i chose for that day, were numb. My fleece sweater wasn't enough to shield me from the biting wind. So THIS was tsfas.

I was so excited, cuz my principal let me go on thrusday night, even though we're usually supposed to go in Friday. (We made a deal that I'd have to be on time to class every day, something I'm still struggling with.)

I breathed in deeply, savoring the cool mountain air. I was looking forward to this shabbos. I was not dissapointed.

The farbrangins were amazing! One was in hebrew, so I didnt understand everything.
Friday night I ate by the Friedman family, and Rabbi Friedman farbranged after the meal. He had so many stories to tell, so many interesting ideas. We discussed Ahavas Yisroel. To what extent do you have to love your fellow Jew, how do you know if its really love, or someone using you, etc. He told a really nice story.

It was almost time for davening in 770, and a man was standing directly in the path where the Rebbe was supposed to be walking. The gabbeim tried to get him to move, but he wouldn't budge. they pushed, they shoved, they yelled at him, even through his hat.

 But he held onto the table, and said he had something very important to ask the Rebbe. Suddenly, the Rebbe was there. He saw what was going on and said, leave the man alone. Let him ask his question. Afterwards, everyone found out, that his request was not for him, but for a friend of his, for a bracha for a child. He had such mesiras nefesh, and stood firm in the face of adversity, just for another Jew.

On the other hand, if somone comes over to you in shul during davening, and wants to chat, to talk when your not supposed to, cuz you dont want to 'hurt' him, is wrong. Theres a time and place for everything. that would not be ahavas yisroel, that would be stupidity.

I stayed up till 5 am talking to my friend, and ate by the Chitriks shabbos day. It was a really nice meal.

We had another farbrengin with Rabbi Tzeitlan. It was about a lot of things, but the main point was, don't just sit there thinking about your midos, and how you have to change them. Just DO! thats the main thing. Go on mivtzoim, learn a sicha, give Tzedaka. THAT will change your midos, not contimplation. He also spoke about simcha, and being happy even when you feel you can't. That point hit home, cuz I find it so hard to be b'simcha sometimes.

All in all it was a very inspiring uplifting shabbos.

I returned motzei shabbos to my dorm, on such a high, and boom. I dropped. I got depressed, I wanted to go back to Tsfas. All my good intentions I had were in the garbage.
So did shabbos mae any differance in me? was i a changed person because of it? I could have been, but i wasn't. It WAS an amazing shabbos, but because I didn't do anything about it, nothing was differant. I wasn't differant.

Yesterday was the 7th of Cheshvan. Thats when we start praying for rain (in Israel) and Tishrai is truly over. I asked myself honestly, did I use Tishrai to its fullest? Did it make a change in me? Will my year be any differant than last year?

No. And thats the saddest part. I stood before G-d on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, begging Him for forgiveness, praying for blessings for the coming year. But I made no resolution to change, to be better.

So even though Tishrai is over and behind us, I'm still stuck there. I can't move on until I do a little soul searching, and make some good resolutions for the coming year.

I think its time for a call to my mashpia.