Self Discovery

I'm scared and nervous.
I'm doing this.
I don't want to.
Don't make me go.
But no one's making me, are they.
I want to go.
It's exciting.
But I'm scared of being alone.
Out there in the world
All alone.
I'm never really alone am I.
Why am I doing this again.
Because I have to.
But why.
Why
Why
Why.
I'm turning 27 this week and I don't understand why some people have their lives all sorted out
And I'm quitting my boring job to go traipsing across the world.
I want to make it sound exciting.
I know some people will be jealous.
They wish they could do it too.
That's not my intentions.
I just want to feel a little less lonely
A little less confused.
I don't know when I'm coming back.
I don't know where I'm going exactly.
I don't really have a plan.
I should make a plan.
I hate planning.
Should I ditch it and not go?
Should I stay here forever with the covers over my head, pretending that everything's ok?
What's the point?
I wish I was married and settled.
I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life.
I wish 8 years hadn't passed with nothing noteworthy to say of it.
I wish a lot of things.
Will I feel any different coming back from my travels?
Will I feel accomplished
Calm
Focused
Clear-headed
Or will everything be as foggy as when I left.
I wish I didn't have to do this alone.
I know,
I know there are people who care about me and support me.
But at the end of the day
The coming and going
Is up to me.
Call it an adventure
I call it the lonely journey
Of self discovery.