Resisting change, The Unabomber, and Sheldon Cooper

My laptop has died and gone to laptop heaven. It's over, the end.

I had a whole post prepared (in my head) about how hard it is for me to say goodbye to something that has been a part of me for the past 7 years, how lost and alone I felt when I realized my laptop was not going to turn on again, how much I hate change and tried to compare myself to the Unabomber (eerily enough, we share the same birthday) and how I couldn't even begin to think about buying a new laptop.

Of course, before I got a chance to write it on my teeny tiny phone screen, I watched last week's episode of The Big Bang Theory, and they beat me to it. It was exactly what I was going through.

The episode starts off with Sheldon Skyping with Amy, and his computer screen is staticky and the sound is breaking up.

Amy: (through static): I didn't understand your e-mail.
Sheldon: Uh, can you repeat that? You're breaking up.
Amy: I didn't understand your e-mail.
Sheldon: Ah. Yeah, I had to get a little creative because the S, R and M keys on my laptop stopped working.
(Amy reading the email) "Deaw Aby, could you pleathe dwive be to the twain thtow thubtibe tobowow?"
Sheldon: So, is that a yes?
Amy: Sheldon, why don't you get a new computer? You know that one's out-of-date.
Sheldon: Oh, but I like this computer.
Amy: The video is failing, and the sound is cutting out.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I didn't get that.
Amy: (through static): The video is failing, and the sound is cutting out.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, one more time.
Amy: (holding up a handwritten sign that says:) "The sound is cutting out."
Sheldon: I can't read that! The video is failing!
Amy: (through static): Get a new computer.
Sheldon: What?
Amy: (through static): Get a new computer.
Sheldon: What?!
(phone rings)
Sheldon: Hello?
Amy: Get a new computer!

Later on, Sheldon is sitting in front of his laptop and the screen flickers and then dies. He gasps, closes it and sighs.

Amy walks in.

Amy: I got here as quickly as I could.
Sheldon: You're too late.
(Sheldon plays the funeral song "Taps" on his phone. He ceremoniously covers his laptop with a black cloth.)
Amy: Sheldon, this is silly.
Sheldon: You got emotional when that lab monkey died.
Amy: That lab monkey told me he loved me in sign language.
("Taps" ends)
Sheldon: Great. Now I'm gonna have that song in my head all day.
Amy: Look, I'm-I'm sorry for your loss, but I think I have something that might make you feel better.
I got you a new computer!
Sheldon: How could you do that?
Amy: Do what?
Sheldon: Choosing a new laptop is an incredibly personal ritual. You have taken away weeks of agonizing thought, tedious research, sleepless nights filled with indecision. Haven't I lost enough today?
Amy: Well, the guy at the store said this one is great.
Sheldon:  Oh! Oh, the guy! Oh, pardon me. I-I didn't realize you'd spoken to the guy. Yeah, tell me, did the guy choose one with a 4K display and a Thunderbolt port?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: Yeah? D-Did the guy make sure that this has a one-terabyte solid-state drive?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: Yeah? Oh, well, was this guy Rick from Computer Solutions on Colorado?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: (Resigned) Yeah, well, he does know his stuff... I suppose I should set this up. Or would you like to rob me of that, too?
Amy: Knock it off or I'll start making W-H sounds for words that just have a W.
You wouldn't.
Amy: "Hwatch" me.
Sheldon: Fine. I'm sorry. Thank you for the thoughtful gift. I really do appreciate it. As you know, I had become attached to my old laptop. But I'm sure, in time, that this one will (gasps) Jeepers creepers, that started up fast!
Amy: I thought you might like it.
Sheldon: Look at the 4K resolution. Next time we Skype, I'm gonna count all those nostril hairs.
Amy: Or you could just look into my eyes.
Sheldon: But you only have two eyes. You got a lot of nostril hairs.
Amy: Well, you know, as long as you're happy.
Sheldon: Oh. I am.
Amy: (chuckles) And Rick said you could bring in your old one to recycle it.
Sheldon: Oh. Uh, no, no, no, thank you.
Amy: Oh, but he said you can get store credit.
Sheldon: Well, no, I just I-I don't want to recycle it. And I don't want store credit.
Amy: But why wouldn't
Sheldon: Can we please change the subject?
Amy: O-Okay. How 'bout we change it to why you're being weird about this?
Sheldon: I'm not being weird. It's hard to explain.
Amy: Sheldon, just tell me.
Sheldon: It might be easier to show you.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: We'd have to take your car.
Amy: All right.
Sheldon: And I'm gonna need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement.
Amy: Well, I signed one before we slept together. Why not now?


As if I haven't spoiled this episode for you enough, Sheldon takes Amy to a storage space, and shows her that he has kept everything he has ever owned in his entire life. Old electronics, books, a ziplock bag filled with ziplock bags, a tennis ball that his brother threw at his head. He is embarassed that someone as smart and emotionless as himself would hold on to all this stuff. Like a hoarder, he has a hard time throwing anything away.

I do understand him. I have bins of old stuff from kindergarten through college, random projects, keychains, mugs, old tests. I can't throw it out because I feel like without it I somehow don't exist. That once my memories fade or become discolored by the negative experiences, I will be able to go back to these physical reminders of what life once was. (Although, my parents had a flood in their basement so I don't even want to venture a thought as to what state my bins are in.)

With my laptop, it was the first thing I ever really owned of value, that was only mine, password protected, held things important to me, and in a way helped to insulate me from the world. It was the place I would disapear into when I wanted to forget things, it was the place I went to chill, to procrastinate, to pour some of my best work into. It was like my best friend, a large part of me.

Suddenly I look around and realize how much things have changed, how outdated and obsolete Windows 7 is, and it is hard for me to comprehend purchasing and getting used to a new laptop. So I am letting myself air out, be without it for now, and slowly come to terms with moving on.