On growing up and moving out and moving back home

I fell apart in a gas station parking lot, because I couldn't figure out how to fill my tires with air. My mom was with me, and she just kept stroking my hair as I burst into tears, telling her how terrified of the world I am, how untrusting of people who offer assistance, and that I'm scared I'll get stabbed in a gas station someday.  I didn't need her to coddle me. I needed someone to have taught me how to do things for myself. Isn't it every father's duty to teach his child how to do stuff?

I never learnt how to change a tire. I'm not sure many people these days are prepared for the worst, and I include guys in this. I know it's a stereotype to say that all guys know or should know how to change a tire, but the reality is that with so many services available, it is not as common as it once was.

I stared in confusion at the mumble jumble of parts underneath the hood of my car, and wondered why there wasn't a manual for this. Turns out, there is a manual. I read it in fascination on the trip home. Did you know there is a schedule of maintenance for car upkeep, and a checklist? I mean, they should require you to take a course before purchasing your first car.

I returned the next day to the same gas station, and forced myself to confront my fear. What I was really afraid of was being out there, looking helpless and weak, having someone offer me help with no way to know if I should trust them or rebuff them. But I figured out how to fill the tire (with some help from youtube), and was relieved to see the tire pressure light go out.

Then the 'service required' light came on, and after checking the manual, figured I needed an oil change. Deciding to push past it and wait until after I got home, we then had to deal with a weird loud flapping noise which turned out to be the front plastic fender liner that got loose and was being shredded by the tire as we drove at 80 mph. Some nice guy offered to help me cut it away, and I let him help. Progress.

All this is teaching me that I need to learn to trust people more, and believe that there are some good people out there who would help a stranger in distress without expecting anything in return.

And also, that owning a car is a lot of work.

I am back in NY, the weather is freezing, the frumies are a culture shock, and I miss having my own place. My brain is foggy, partly due to driving for 2 days and having no idea what up or down. It will take me a few days to adjust, and figure out what my next step is.

I got to play with my nieces and baby nephew today, and that made coming back all worth it.