I am with child

I met a friend of mine tonight for dinner. She didn't let me know her buddy would be coming too.

I guess there's a new friend in our circle.

He's about 25" tall, and weighs under 20 lbs.

He is healthy looking, but carries around some extra weight in the chin area.

He drools a lot, and likes to grab my hands when I extend them in greeting.

He is respectful when others are talking, and only makes noise to alert others that he is hungry, tired, thirsty, or has soiled his undergarments.

He is 5 months old, his initials spell YAY, and he answers to the nickname 'chiller'. He has a shmushy face and looks like he could be a Gerber baby.

I didn't realize that friends getting married means they come with husbands now.

I didn't realize that friends having kids means they come with babies now.

I didn't realize that things changing means they would never again be the same.

A conversation that once would have been about haircuts, bang length and styling is now about sheitel brands, coloring and hair texture. "Feel how soft it is!" she tells me. Um, no thanks, I really don't want to touch your hair, home grown or otherwise.

What once may have been a steamy conversation about guys and dating now centers around husband, baby, job, sleep or lack thereof, schedules, free time (which is never) and hurried conversations whilst rocking a baby stroller to and fro anxiously trying to calm a baby's cries.

Babies are cute. I like babies. I like holding them, and playing with them, I like when they smile and laugh and clap their hands, I like when they are asleep, I like it less when they cry but don't mind changing diapers.

I like babies.

But I don't have any.

Which is not to say that you can't bring your baby along when we go on an outing.

Which is not to say that you can't talk about your baby all the time.

Which is not to say that I won't smile or laugh at the cutest thing your kid just did, marvel at the fact that he is crawling already at 5 months (gasp, no way!), discuss the pros and cons of breastfeeding vs. bottles, like the pictures you share online, or be understandable when you are late or can't come because your child/husband/thing came up.

But you have to understand that when we single girls go on a spontaneous outing to Brooklyn Bridge Park, share laughing pictures online of the fun times we had and you are insulted that we didn't include you: please know that we didn't do it intentionally. We didn't stop to think about if you would be free at that particular time, how much time you would need to get you and your baby ready, how difficult it would be for you to schlep a stroller with a child up and down the subway steps, maneuver it onto a subway car, feed a crying baby in public, how awkward it would be for you to run/walk/skip/jump/hop the way we do on a whim.

Which is not to say that we won't include you in the future.

But we are single.

You are with child now.

Things will never be the same.