It took me a long time before I stopped stumbling over the word 'sex'. Even now I still feel a pang, an uncomfortable feeling at this "forbidden" word. I'm taking a personal health and nutritional science course, and recently we learned all about sex and birth control. These are things I am aware of, and as mature adults it is normal to sit in a classroom with illustrative slides showing one how to put on a condom. But growing up as a religious girl, I do have a certain reservation when it comes to discussing sex, even in clinical terms, as if I have to try to be nonchalant about it.
Recently at work a new manager was hired to replace one who is leaving. He is ultra-orthodox, a Chassidisher guy with white shirt, black pants, curly payos, the whole nine yards. He is not someone I would ever look at twice on the street, and based on our backgrounds our paths would probably never cross besides for the fact that we work together. When I first met him, I had a misgiving that I would corrupt him, simply by being myself. I grew up in a closed-minded community, and in the process of trying to "find myself" I have attempted to break out of that mold, by rejecting some of the rules I grew up with. That meant looser with my language (cursing), and being more open and free with topics that were previously not discussed.
I overheard a coworker mention to some of the guys that he may have gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant. I piped in and it turned into a full conversation between joking that he should go on the Maury Povich show, insist on a DNA test, and me saying lamely that he should never have gotten her pregnant. Thus followed a conversation about safe sex and the rate at which protection actually prevents pregnancy.
The new guy was listening avidly. Then he started asking questions about sex, protection, what actually works, etc. I started realizing that this may have gotten out of hand, especially when I saw other people passing by and overhearing the conversation. Talk about inappropriate work conversations.
There's a reason some kids like to 'educate' their more innocent friends. Usually one kid ends up blurting out all the details about sex and sharing it with all their friends before they should actually be discussing it. I'm not saying this guy was completely ignorant, however I feel bad encouraging the conversation, as if I had a hand in opening his mind to the world around him.
The question is not whether these things should be discussed. The answer to that would be yes, in the right setting, with a professional, for constructive purposes, once you are mature and old enough to have questions and want answers, and not just because you are showing off to your friends.
In this case, besides the fact that the setting was wholly inappropriate, I don't think this guy needed to get sex ed that way.
Just because I chose to expose myself to things which I was taught to stay away from, doesn't mean I should rip down his blinders, even if I disagree with being sheltered.
You have to be sensitive to other people's choices and upbringings, regardless of your personal feelings or attitudes on the issues.
HR would have a heyday with this one....
ReplyDeleteI guess, judging by the post title, that you ARE still stumbling over the word "sex".
ReplyDeleteI see why you'd think that. I was trying to be respectful to my audience without pushing the topic in their face. It's also used for visual purposes in my title.
DeleteI think part of the process of growing up is learning about these "forbidden" topics. Thing is, teens are going to feel all giddy and excited in the presence of the opposite gender, and want to have boy/girlfriends, even if no one ever discussed the subjects with them. All we gain by not discussing these topics with our children and students is that they learn that we are not the right address for questions on the subject, and they look somewhere else. Ummmm, I think I would rather my kids ask me, and not learn from their friends or the internet, or secular culture, especially since they are apt to be exposed to misinformation by going to those sources.
ReplyDeleteSo, yes, these subjects should be spoken about. No, not only as mature adults and professionally. As parents and teachers, when the kids bring up the topic, and on an age-appropriate level, answering the questions they asked, but not giving excess information.
I agree about the new guy. But you know what? He could have walked away, and he chose not to. So, I think he was looking for information and didn't know how to get it. Better that you explain it to him than that he look it up on the internet.
P.S. - I asked my mother where the baby comes out of when I was 6. Not because of my friends, because I was curious.