Existentialism

I smell like vanilla extract. That has always been one of my favorite smells. The cupcakes are sitting on the counter waiting to be frosted, the frosting is in the fridge getting nice and thick, waiting to be piped. My roommate had the nerve to ask me if I used Duncan Hines. Nope, not me. I'm a sugar n spice kinda girl.

You ever get that feeling waking up in the middle of the night, coming off of a dream or a thought, and not remembering what you were just thinking of? How it bugs you, and alludes you. Looking off into the distance, trying to find the answer, and then forgetting the question.

I am coming down off a high, not a high really, but a crash you get after writing a paper for school. The midnight deadline approaching, the rush, the stress, the panic, the nerves, the blaring music, the headache, the pounding behind the eyes, tick tock, the clock strikes 12, you are not finished, oh well, keep going, the screen blurs, 12:37, you are done, thinking, thinking, should you submit it now or read it over, and what good will it do to read it over in your exhausted state, alas it makes no sense, did it start out making sense and lose it somewhere along the way, or did it make no sense to begin with? And why are you still sitting here, and why are you still up, and why haven't you sent it yet?

And so you leap and you jump and you hit 'send' and that is that, and what's done is done, and what shall be will be, et cetera et cetera et cetera.

I've had enough of existentialism to last a lifetime, and that is the pun, isn't it. Well, here is the last paragraph of my essay:

"The Existentialists says that there is no meaning in life, yet all humans spend their whole lives searching for meaning. Absurdest philosophy says that humans search their whole lives for meaning, and yet find none. So then what is the point of looking? As in Rosencrantz& Guildenstern Are Dead*, they keep searching for their purpose, and in the end they die. That is true of humans. In the end, we all die. What is the meaning of life, the Universe, and the world we live in? Ah, that may yet evade us, but we will go on living until we discover the meaning, or until we die, whichever comes first."

*A brilliant film (featuring British actor Tim Roth) I highly recommend if you have the time. Nay, make the time. Such wit I haven't seem in awhile.

So then, what is our purpose here?

I can't say I have much of an idea, although after spending most of the day avoiding writing my paper and then scrambling to finish it at the last minute, I am not much clearer on that then when I first started. 

Stop while you're ahead. Okay then. Goodnight all.