Savoring it, enjoying it, cuz it might not last. My little bit of freedom.
The wind in my hair, I can go anywhere. But I choose the one place where I feel tranquility. Here I feel at peace. Calm. Focused.
I go to the place where questions are answered, where doubts are resolved, where fears are banished. I go to the place that soothes many souls, that encourages the wounded, and gives strength to the broken.
My thoughts are fluid. They bleed from my brain and form words on the paper. My hand cramps from writing too fast. I say all that I want to say, and hope that it is understood.
When I leave, I feel uplifted. It is as if I left a part of me behind. The part that doubts, the part that gets upset and worried, the part that fears. I emerge anew.
I am confident and faithful. So faithful that I hold out my hands ready to catch the blessings being rained down upon me.
It is more than that I have to believe. I believe because I have faith. And faith cannot be explained.
I know that this year will bring many good things. I hope that they will all be openly revealed good.
I cherish my last bit of freedom and return the car to its rightful owner.
My day is over but I am looking forward to tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Perspectives
It's all about perspectives. One time I was watching a late night talk show. (Conan O'Brien). One of the features was a game called 'What in the world?!' They would project a picture onto the screen, but it was heavily zoomed in. You would have to try to guess what it was a picture of, and then they would zoom out and you would see that you were way off the mark.
When you are too close to a situation it helps to take a step back and try to see things from afar instead of up close and personal. Things will start to make more sense.
I was working on finances for camp. I'm pretty good with numbers, but I kept adding and adding and it kept coming up $50 short of what the total was supposed to be. I used excel so the calculations weren't wrong. There was a 50 missing somewhere and I needed to find it. My boss said, big deal it's just 50 dollars, let it go. But I couldn't let it go. So she told me to take a break. And when I came back, the answer was glaring me in the face.
It helps to sleep on it. I was doing a 500 piece puzzle with my friend. We all got tired and couldn't find any matches. So we went to sleep. (The puzzle is still in progress so there is no end to that story. But hopefully when we try again things will be clearer and easier to find.)
Sometimes things just look really bad or down. But if you just take a breather, sleep on it, stop and zoom out and try to look at it from a different angle- usually you see that your problem is not really a problem after all.
I had a really great time camping and would love to do it again sometime. Hope everyone is enjoying their last few days of summer. I just realized that schools are starting back next week. Scary, I thought summer was for another few weeks.
For anyone in the path of hurricane Irene- be prepared and stay safe.
Wishing everyone a happy and healthy Shabbos!
-Altie
When you are too close to a situation it helps to take a step back and try to see things from afar instead of up close and personal. Things will start to make more sense.
I was working on finances for camp. I'm pretty good with numbers, but I kept adding and adding and it kept coming up $50 short of what the total was supposed to be. I used excel so the calculations weren't wrong. There was a 50 missing somewhere and I needed to find it. My boss said, big deal it's just 50 dollars, let it go. But I couldn't let it go. So she told me to take a break. And when I came back, the answer was glaring me in the face.
It helps to sleep on it. I was doing a 500 piece puzzle with my friend. We all got tired and couldn't find any matches. So we went to sleep. (The puzzle is still in progress so there is no end to that story. But hopefully when we try again things will be clearer and easier to find.)
Sometimes things just look really bad or down. But if you just take a breather, sleep on it, stop and zoom out and try to look at it from a different angle- usually you see that your problem is not really a problem after all.
I had a really great time camping and would love to do it again sometime. Hope everyone is enjoying their last few days of summer. I just realized that schools are starting back next week. Scary, I thought summer was for another few weeks.
For anyone in the path of hurricane Irene- be prepared and stay safe.
Wishing everyone a happy and healthy Shabbos!
-Altie
Thursday, August 25, 2011
What's the difference?
Somewhere along the way I lost the mockery. I stopped judging. Or rather, I tried to understand.
A parent should (and I stress should since not all parents do) teach their children to have an open mind and view the world without judgement. But alas, we are human, and children especially are prejudiced. If you are different than me then clearly you are wrong, you are strange. Acceptance doesn't come easily to children, it must be taught.
And what of adults? Some adults never learn either.
When I look at someone who is different, oh so different from me, I try to see where they are coming from. How their customs differ from mine. Take me and you out of the equation and we are one and the same. Maybe some things you do are right and I am wrong. Maybe I find your code of conduct strange or your standards way too high. But that is not my business and it is not my place to judge.
I feel different because of the way I dress, think, speak, because of the type of music I listen to, the books I read, the shows I watch. I wonder if you will look at me and see me with the same open-mindedness that I try to see you. Do you condemn me for being different than you, or do you try to understand? Do I even exist to you, or do you try to hide me behind a curtain and pretend that I am not there?
Some things you wear or do I see as oppressive. The funny thing is, these are the same things that the non-Jews see as oppressive, only to them you and I are the same. In Mitzrayim, during the Spanish Inquisition, in Russia, during the Holocaust, in Persia, in Syria- we were the same. We were all Jews and there was never a distinction. They tried to change us because they didn't want us to be 'different'. But we are different. We are different from them. We keep the Torah.
So why make a distinction between you and I?
Maybe we will never talk, maybe we will never dine together, I will never dress the way you do, you will never listen to the music that I listen to. All this is true. And once upon a time I used to think that you were too sheltered, underprivileged, that you were missing out on 'my world'.
But now I realize that my world and your world are one and the same. Maybe the color is different. Maybe the outside is different. But they make no distinction, and neither should we.
I see you waiting at the corner and I wonder if I should offer you a ride. Will the fact that I am a girl make a difference? The fact that I am Lubavitch? Or will you see that I am just trying to do a mitzvah and help out a fellow Jew?
One day it won't matter. We will all be united with the coming of Moshiach, may it be speedily in our days.
A parent should (and I stress should since not all parents do) teach their children to have an open mind and view the world without judgement. But alas, we are human, and children especially are prejudiced. If you are different than me then clearly you are wrong, you are strange. Acceptance doesn't come easily to children, it must be taught.
And what of adults? Some adults never learn either.
When I look at someone who is different, oh so different from me, I try to see where they are coming from. How their customs differ from mine. Take me and you out of the equation and we are one and the same. Maybe some things you do are right and I am wrong. Maybe I find your code of conduct strange or your standards way too high. But that is not my business and it is not my place to judge.
I feel different because of the way I dress, think, speak, because of the type of music I listen to, the books I read, the shows I watch. I wonder if you will look at me and see me with the same open-mindedness that I try to see you. Do you condemn me for being different than you, or do you try to understand? Do I even exist to you, or do you try to hide me behind a curtain and pretend that I am not there?
Some things you wear or do I see as oppressive. The funny thing is, these are the same things that the non-Jews see as oppressive, only to them you and I are the same. In Mitzrayim, during the Spanish Inquisition, in Russia, during the Holocaust, in Persia, in Syria- we were the same. We were all Jews and there was never a distinction. They tried to change us because they didn't want us to be 'different'. But we are different. We are different from them. We keep the Torah.
So why make a distinction between you and I?
Maybe we will never talk, maybe we will never dine together, I will never dress the way you do, you will never listen to the music that I listen to. All this is true. And once upon a time I used to think that you were too sheltered, underprivileged, that you were missing out on 'my world'.
But now I realize that my world and your world are one and the same. Maybe the color is different. Maybe the outside is different. But they make no distinction, and neither should we.
I see you waiting at the corner and I wonder if I should offer you a ride. Will the fact that I am a girl make a difference? The fact that I am Lubavitch? Or will you see that I am just trying to do a mitzvah and help out a fellow Jew?
One day it won't matter. We will all be united with the coming of Moshiach, may it be speedily in our days.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
You found me
I've missed you so much, my friend.
I'm glad that you are back.
It was so lonely here without you.
So empty.
So uncomfortable.
And squishy.
I missed the way you smell.
And the way you felt.
We were one.
And I was so lost without you.
I hug you close to me.
And breath in your smell.
So familiar,
and comforting.
You were $45 dollars,
but it was a bargain to me.
I've missed you my green converses.
I'm so glad to have you back.
I'm glad that you are back.
It was so lonely here without you.
So empty.
So uncomfortable.
And squishy.
I missed the way you smell.
And the way you felt.
We were one.
And I was so lost without you.
I hug you close to me.
And breath in your smell.
So familiar,
and comforting.
You were $45 dollars,
but it was a bargain to me.
I've missed you my green converses.
I'm so glad to have you back.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
CAMPING!
That is my great vacation plan. I am going camping with my friend and her family.
Ah, to be at one with nature, the smell of the trees, the feel of the dirt, sleeping in tents, gazing at the stars, swimming in a pond, roasting marshmallows over a camp fire, bonding, togetherness, hiking, public bathrooms and showers.
I can only imagine. I've never gone camping before. It's gonna be AWESOME!
I wonder if my phone will get reception there. I wonder if I'll be able to pull myself away anyway and enjoy the trip without distraction.
I've scheduled posts for the next few days so I think I'm gonna do it the good old way and refrain from cell phone use for a few days. Well, at least email.
Adios, amigos. Oh this is gonna be fuuuun!!!!
Ah, to be at one with nature, the smell of the trees, the feel of the dirt, sleeping in tents, gazing at the stars, swimming in a pond, roasting marshmallows over a camp fire, bonding, togetherness, hiking, public bathrooms and showers.
I can only imagine. I've never gone camping before. It's gonna be AWESOME!
I wonder if my phone will get reception there. I wonder if I'll be able to pull myself away anyway and enjoy the trip without distraction.
I've scheduled posts for the next few days so I think I'm gonna do it the good old way and refrain from cell phone use for a few days. Well, at least email.
Adios, amigos. Oh this is gonna be fuuuun!!!!
Monday, August 22, 2011
The things you see in Times Square. Oh New York, the capitol of Awesomeness.
Ever saw a bride and groom in Times Square?
The Running Man. Running in place for some flip flop marathon raising money for some cause.
The spray painted guy.
The Candy Man. We can all use one of those.
Self-explanatory. (No I did not buy one ;) )
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Selective amnesia
Slam slam, lock lock
walls shake, house rocks.
Finally quiet, fight is done
tell me, who really won?
Chairs strewn everywhere,
avocado in my hair.
Voices shouting throwing slurs
how it started is a blur.
Silence, but the heavy kind.
no talking, can't rewind.
Take it back- no you first.
being home brings out the worst.
Children quarreling, but we're grown.
each man for his own.
Tensions thick, tempers high,
it must be them not I.
Takes two to start a fight
can't end it, I am right.
Will we ever let this go.
maybe someday, I don't know.
Shabbos over, must get out.
Leave or I might shout.
Why do I always return?
I guess I never learn.
walls shake, house rocks.
Finally quiet, fight is done
tell me, who really won?
Chairs strewn everywhere,
avocado in my hair.
Voices shouting throwing slurs
how it started is a blur.
Silence, but the heavy kind.
no talking, can't rewind.
Take it back- no you first.
being home brings out the worst.
Children quarreling, but we're grown.
each man for his own.
Tensions thick, tempers high,
it must be them not I.
Takes two to start a fight
can't end it, I am right.
Will we ever let this go.
maybe someday, I don't know.
Shabbos over, must get out.
Leave or I might shout.
Why do I always return?
I guess I never learn.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Calm after the storm
Smile. It is raining and the day is dreary but smile. Heart light, too light, like my stomach is filled with air. Maybe because I ran out of cereal and had a weird breakfast of a protein bar and a fruit.
Walking in the rain, no umbrella or sweater. Really, no use.
Early. It is so early but I'm not tired. I don't know why. I feel peaceful, calm. It is the kind of calm you feel after a bout of nerves, when your nervous system depresses and says, I've had enough. It is a false calm brought on by nerves. So am I nervous or am I calm? I don't know. Maybe both.
Nice shirts. And suits. Heels? What's the occasion? Now I feel under dressed. But this day is not about me, is it.
Feels like a normal day, but it's not a normal day. Last time making my rounds, last time repairing a scraped knee, last time answering the phones, last time. Sigh. I will probably return soon enough but it'll be quiet then. What is camp without the campers?
So much to do, so-much-to-do. Breath. Busy busy, way too busy, not gonna finish on time. Too much pressure. What do you want, what do you need, can't you see I'm busy? Yes okay, I'll do that, I'll take care of that, and that and that and that. And cross off things on my list of things to do until it is empty. EMPTY.
The office is so empty, everything packed into boxes. Computer deleted of all files. It is like we were never really there.
Parents calling, confused. Where do we go? Really? We told you already, do you not listen?
Babysitting a blackberry in a car for twenty minutes. Such fun. Missing the performances, the best part. Greeting parents, still doing my job, still in office mode.
Food, but too nervous to eat. It's back again, that bottomless pit in my stomach that anything I eat will fall into a deep hole. And then good bye good bye good bye good bye. When does it end? Still here? I thought I said good bye.
Oh well. Maybe I'll see you again and maybe not. Either way, great meeting you, great experience, hug hug, thanks so much.
The first tears flow but that's okay I have no need to cry, a job's a job. People? Ya it was fun but so what? Car rides in the morning, chit chat in the office and making fun of the campers and staff alike. We were equals. A part of something. Something in common. But it's over. So good bye.
Last car ride home. Smile. It is dark and pouring and the sky is lighting up with lightning. Just smile. That nervous feeling has not gone away. Get in your last stories and jokes because this thing we are a part of, once it is over- we will no longer have anything in common. It will be just you are you and I am I. So good bye.
Have a safe trip, see you around, keep in touch (probably not.) Final salute. A salute. It feels so official. And how do you say good bye without a hug, a handshake? Nothing. It is just good bye.
Final car door slam. That's it. Good bye good bye good bye good bye.
I walk up the block and my stomach feels light and empty. Walking aimless? That's weird, I know where I'm going. But I don't know what comes next.
It is so quiet outside. Like the world is holding its breath. Waiting for something. For what, I don't know.
And it has finally hit me that it's over. It's really over? Ya it's over.
So good bye.
Walking in the rain, no umbrella or sweater. Really, no use.
Early. It is so early but I'm not tired. I don't know why. I feel peaceful, calm. It is the kind of calm you feel after a bout of nerves, when your nervous system depresses and says, I've had enough. It is a false calm brought on by nerves. So am I nervous or am I calm? I don't know. Maybe both.
Nice shirts. And suits. Heels? What's the occasion? Now I feel under dressed. But this day is not about me, is it.
Feels like a normal day, but it's not a normal day. Last time making my rounds, last time repairing a scraped knee, last time answering the phones, last time. Sigh. I will probably return soon enough but it'll be quiet then. What is camp without the campers?
So much to do, so-much-to-do. Breath. Busy busy, way too busy, not gonna finish on time. Too much pressure. What do you want, what do you need, can't you see I'm busy? Yes okay, I'll do that, I'll take care of that, and that and that and that. And cross off things on my list of things to do until it is empty. EMPTY.
The office is so empty, everything packed into boxes. Computer deleted of all files. It is like we were never really there.
Parents calling, confused. Where do we go? Really? We told you already, do you not listen?
Babysitting a blackberry in a car for twenty minutes. Such fun. Missing the performances, the best part. Greeting parents, still doing my job, still in office mode.
Food, but too nervous to eat. It's back again, that bottomless pit in my stomach that anything I eat will fall into a deep hole. And then good bye good bye good bye good bye. When does it end? Still here? I thought I said good bye.
Oh well. Maybe I'll see you again and maybe not. Either way, great meeting you, great experience, hug hug, thanks so much.
The first tears flow but that's okay I have no need to cry, a job's a job. People? Ya it was fun but so what? Car rides in the morning, chit chat in the office and making fun of the campers and staff alike. We were equals. A part of something. Something in common. But it's over. So good bye.
Last car ride home. Smile. It is dark and pouring and the sky is lighting up with lightning. Just smile. That nervous feeling has not gone away. Get in your last stories and jokes because this thing we are a part of, once it is over- we will no longer have anything in common. It will be just you are you and I am I. So good bye.
Have a safe trip, see you around, keep in touch (probably not.) Final salute. A salute. It feels so official. And how do you say good bye without a hug, a handshake? Nothing. It is just good bye.
Final car door slam. That's it. Good bye good bye good bye good bye.
I walk up the block and my stomach feels light and empty. Walking aimless? That's weird, I know where I'm going. But I don't know what comes next.
It is so quiet outside. Like the world is holding its breath. Waiting for something. For what, I don't know.
And it has finally hit me that it's over. It's really over? Ya it's over.
So good bye.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Winner winner chicken dinner
It is gratifying to have someone pay for your dinner. Who doesn't like free stuff?
But I'd rather stay at home and slave over a hot stove (spare me) for my own home cooked meal. I usually can't stomach take-out, not to mention the fact that it tastes so unhealthy and loaded with unmentionable ingredients.
Tomorrow (or rather today when you will be reading this) is the last day of camp. It is going to be a high stress day for me. Finishing up, packing up, cleaning up, transferring files to dvd's, wiping the hard drive clean, (we rented the laptop from RAC). Lots to do.
And I always get this nervous feeling when the end draws near. I hate endings. I wish things never ended, they just went on forever. Or if they had to end that it would happen gradually and over time so I wouldn't notice it. I hate abrupt endings. Which is technically redundant as ending ARE abrupt.
So good bye summer. Well not yet but soon. Yesterday I left my place and thought, maybe I should take a sweater? It is getting chilly out.
Oh future, future, where art thou?
I'm going 'home' to Monsey for shabbos. Yes, it's only Thursday, but I was already saying on Monday 'so the week's almost over...'.
I loved my job and it was a great 7 weeks. Now on to bigger and better things. (Hopefully.)
But I'd rather stay at home and slave over a hot stove (spare me) for my own home cooked meal. I usually can't stomach take-out, not to mention the fact that it tastes so unhealthy and loaded with unmentionable ingredients.
Tomorrow (or rather today when you will be reading this) is the last day of camp. It is going to be a high stress day for me. Finishing up, packing up, cleaning up, transferring files to dvd's, wiping the hard drive clean, (we rented the laptop from RAC). Lots to do.
And I always get this nervous feeling when the end draws near. I hate endings. I wish things never ended, they just went on forever. Or if they had to end that it would happen gradually and over time so I wouldn't notice it. I hate abrupt endings. Which is technically redundant as ending ARE abrupt.
So good bye summer. Well not yet but soon. Yesterday I left my place and thought, maybe I should take a sweater? It is getting chilly out.
Oh future, future, where art thou?
I'm going 'home' to Monsey for shabbos. Yes, it's only Thursday, but I was already saying on Monday 'so the week's almost over...'.
I loved my job and it was a great 7 weeks. Now on to bigger and better things. (Hopefully.)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Ups and downs
Ever tried to book a flight 5 days before flying? Try it. It is frustrating. Besides the fact that the prices are already higher than they would be had you had the foresight to book in advance, the airlines try to trick you. The more you search for flights, the higher the prices go. Instantly.
I found a flight for 321, was basically ready to book it and literally 5 minutes later it had shot up to 381. $60?? I think this is G-d's way of telling me, too bad sweetie, not this time.
So it looks like the vacation thing ain't happening. At least not now. Maybe I will go to a friend or somewhere local just to get away. Even a few days would be nice.
Sometimes in life things do change quickly, the rug gets pulled out from under you. You have to make a choice: gets upset, storm away throw up your hands throw a temper tantrum and give up? Or deal with it. Yes it is not fun dealing with set-backs, or problems of any sort. But you must deal with them cuz is there really an alternative?
Another lesson, specifically for procrastinators like myself is- make up your mind! Don't take so long to make decisions cuz otherwise life will pass you by while you stand there thinking, hmmm, red or green? Grab life by the horns and ride it for all it's worth.
Hope everyone has a great day, and try this statement: "Today I will do one thing to make the world a better place".
Ya I think I was meant to be an inspirational speaker :)
I found a flight for 321, was basically ready to book it and literally 5 minutes later it had shot up to 381. $60?? I think this is G-d's way of telling me, too bad sweetie, not this time.
So it looks like the vacation thing ain't happening. At least not now. Maybe I will go to a friend or somewhere local just to get away. Even a few days would be nice.
Sometimes in life things do change quickly, the rug gets pulled out from under you. You have to make a choice: gets upset, storm away throw up your hands throw a temper tantrum and give up? Or deal with it. Yes it is not fun dealing with set-backs, or problems of any sort. But you must deal with them cuz is there really an alternative?
Another lesson, specifically for procrastinators like myself is- make up your mind! Don't take so long to make decisions cuz otherwise life will pass you by while you stand there thinking, hmmm, red or green? Grab life by the horns and ride it for all it's worth.
Hope everyone has a great day, and try this statement: "Today I will do one thing to make the world a better place".
Ya I think I was meant to be an inspirational speaker :)
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Piece of mind
I close my eyes and let the breeze rush over me. I inhale deeply and let my body relax. I let the tension drain out of me and block out all noise besides the pulsating beat in my ears. Nothing exists besides me. I find my peace in my own little world. I embrace it and let it encompass me, I make it mine. I am at peace.
And then I slowly open my eyes and the noise of cars and traffic and people permeate my senses and I am outside once again.
But just for a short time, the universe was my living room and the bench my oasis. And I was alone.
And then I slowly open my eyes and the noise of cars and traffic and people permeate my senses and I am outside once again.
But just for a short time, the universe was my living room and the bench my oasis. And I was alone.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Mi'laim mitzvos k'rimon
I think I should get an award for the most consecutive posts in over a month. Go through my blog, the evidence is all there. I've posted almost every day for the past 5 weeks.
Last night I did not get a chance to write a post. It felt weird this morning walking to camp and knowing I wasn't expecting my customary email at 8 am telling me that my blog post has been published. As much as I like being random, it is also nice to have something to post about every day.
And then in the car I came up with something. I heard two nice things I'd like to share.
1) The Baal Shem Tov said that everything you see and hear every day, specifically in Torah learning, has some connection to you and your avodas Hashem. Which brings me to the second thing I heard.
2) A chossid once came to the Rebbe (I'm not sure which Rebbe) and asked him, how can it say 'Afilu poshei yisroel milaim mitzvos kerimon' (Even the lowest sinners are filled with good deeds like a pomegranate). If they are sinners how do they have any mitzvos?
To which the Rebbe responded: if they are filled with mitzvos, how can they be sinners?
We can take two things from this: that even if you think you are 'bad' or a low person, you still have a lot of mitzvos and merits. And that there are no real bad people cuz anyone can repent.
It is easy to say, well I slipped up this time so why bother trying. Or I am such a bad Jew anyway so why should I do any mitzvos?
Every little thing counts.
I have taken on a hachlata and stuck to it for 4 days so far. I am proud of myself because I usually drop them very quickly. We'll see how long it lasts, but I know every little thing is a step in the right direction.
(And there is my post for Monday.)
Last night I did not get a chance to write a post. It felt weird this morning walking to camp and knowing I wasn't expecting my customary email at 8 am telling me that my blog post has been published. As much as I like being random, it is also nice to have something to post about every day.
And then in the car I came up with something. I heard two nice things I'd like to share.
1) The Baal Shem Tov said that everything you see and hear every day, specifically in Torah learning, has some connection to you and your avodas Hashem. Which brings me to the second thing I heard.
2) A chossid once came to the Rebbe (I'm not sure which Rebbe) and asked him, how can it say 'Afilu poshei yisroel milaim mitzvos kerimon' (Even the lowest sinners are filled with good deeds like a pomegranate). If they are sinners how do they have any mitzvos?
To which the Rebbe responded: if they are filled with mitzvos, how can they be sinners?
We can take two things from this: that even if you think you are 'bad' or a low person, you still have a lot of mitzvos and merits. And that there are no real bad people cuz anyone can repent.
It is easy to say, well I slipped up this time so why bother trying. Or I am such a bad Jew anyway so why should I do any mitzvos?
Every little thing counts.
I have taken on a hachlata and stuck to it for 4 days so far. I am proud of myself because I usually drop them very quickly. We'll see how long it lasts, but I know every little thing is a step in the right direction.
(And there is my post for Monday.)
Sunday, August 14, 2011
The rain is falling on my window pane, but we are hiding in a safer place.
Walking in the rain with a smile on my face. I think my opinion about rain goes back and forth. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I can't stand it. Tonight it was quite gratifying.
Oh wow it just thundered REALLY loud, it sounded like a building fell down. Today by the meal my brother knocked over a wine bottle and then he leaped to catch it and I jumped. What is it about loud noises that make us jump?
The end of summer had me thinking of back to school, but I am not going back to school. At least not now. The thought of new school shoes makes my heart pound, and not in a good way.
I am trying to plan a vacation with anyone and everyone. First with my mother, but she doesn't want to go away right now. One friend is busy, another not really interested, my little brother jokingly said he will come. I finally settled (not the greatest word to use) on one friend and we are in the planning process. We'll see if it works out but the more we stall the higher the ticket prices rise.
Manhattan is a fun and cool place to go. Today I saw a total of 4 fountains. They were awesome. I saw 2 brides. I saw a gay couple (kissing). I saw a girl with no shirt and no bra offering people to take a picture with her for a fee (don't worry her nipples were covered in jewels.) I saw a guy offering free hugs, I saw myself on a huge screen in Times Square, I saw 2 horses, I saw tons of police officers, and surprisingly I saw no punch buggys today.
Out of shirts? No problem. Forever 21 is open at midnight. Need a ring with a bone on it for your dog? Sure. Just $995. (Yes that is nine hundred and ninety five dollars. Seriously.)
I did tons of walking today I am so tired and ready to go to sleep. But it was a great day with friends, and discovering new things.
My current job is about to end and I have no solid plans for next year yet. But that's okay, it's great, it's all good, it'll all work out. (Or so I try to convince myself.)
I'd like to do a repost of a poem I wrote last summer. (I never do reposts but it seems fitting here.)
Follow the link here if you would like to read the comments. Some are quite funny.
That's all for now. Good night and stay dry.
Oh wow it just thundered REALLY loud, it sounded like a building fell down. Today by the meal my brother knocked over a wine bottle and then he leaped to catch it and I jumped. What is it about loud noises that make us jump?
The end of summer had me thinking of back to school, but I am not going back to school. At least not now. The thought of new school shoes makes my heart pound, and not in a good way.
I am trying to plan a vacation with anyone and everyone. First with my mother, but she doesn't want to go away right now. One friend is busy, another not really interested, my little brother jokingly said he will come. I finally settled (not the greatest word to use) on one friend and we are in the planning process. We'll see if it works out but the more we stall the higher the ticket prices rise.
Manhattan is a fun and cool place to go. Today I saw a total of 4 fountains. They were awesome. I saw 2 brides. I saw a gay couple (kissing). I saw a girl with no shirt and no bra offering people to take a picture with her for a fee (don't worry her nipples were covered in jewels.) I saw a guy offering free hugs, I saw myself on a huge screen in Times Square, I saw 2 horses, I saw tons of police officers, and surprisingly I saw no punch buggys today.
Out of shirts? No problem. Forever 21 is open at midnight. Need a ring with a bone on it for your dog? Sure. Just $995. (Yes that is nine hundred and ninety five dollars. Seriously.)
I did tons of walking today I am so tired and ready to go to sleep. But it was a great day with friends, and discovering new things.
My current job is about to end and I have no solid plans for next year yet. But that's okay, it's great, it's all good, it'll all work out. (Or so I try to convince myself.)
I'd like to do a repost of a poem I wrote last summer. (I never do reposts but it seems fitting here.)
SUMMER!!! and stuff
Summer comes,
Spring wanes,
along with it comes sunshine rains.
The temp is hot,
the guys are not,
in the pool we want to stay.
I've got to work
no time to play
for me this ain't vaca-
tion.
Rise at seven
kids and camp
no time for a nap.
Burnt we get
like barbecue
faces red and peeling.
No sunscreen?
That's just dumb
tanning like a beach bum.
No plans for next year
but who cares
forget about it now.
Relax, let loose
enjoy the sun
have some summer fun.
Three months it is
until it ends
and then the fall comes again.
The ant and the grasshopper
like in the French fable
La cigale et la fourmi on my kitchen table.
Danced and sang
all summer long
the inevitable I did prolong.
The time has come
to move on, but-
damn I've got no job.
Spring wanes,
along with it comes sunshine rains.
The temp is hot,
the guys are not,
in the pool we want to stay.
I've got to work
no time to play
for me this ain't vaca-
tion.
Rise at seven
kids and camp
no time for a nap.
Burnt we get
like barbecue
faces red and peeling.
No sunscreen?
That's just dumb
tanning like a beach bum.
No plans for next year
but who cares
forget about it now.
Relax, let loose
enjoy the sun
have some summer fun.
Three months it is
until it ends
and then the fall comes again.
The ant and the grasshopper
like in the French fable
La cigale et la fourmi on my kitchen table.
Danced and sang
all summer long
the inevitable I did prolong.
The time has come
to move on, but-
damn I've got no job.
That's all for now. Good night and stay dry.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Coward
You sucumb to it time and again.
You never stay until the end.
Stare it down like I do.
Dont give in until you're through.
Cowards never win the fight.
You think you're weak but you've got might.
Always remember push through the pain.
Only strong ones will remain.
I vibrate with anger every time.
Who said being weak is a crime?
You are not only slighting yourself.
But everyone who needs your help.
Dont be a coward be a hero instead.
What good are you if you're dead.
You ignore me but I try to make you see.
If not for you then do it for me.
I will not make the same mistake as you.
You say Im strong now I've got a lot to prove.
I hate when you don't sound the same.
This is life it ain't no game.
So suck it up cuz ppl have real problems don't you get it?
You haven't scored but you want credit.
Fake it till you make it if that's what it takes.
But never ever be cowardice
cuz the weak ones- they always break.
You never stay until the end.
Stare it down like I do.
Dont give in until you're through.
Cowards never win the fight.
You think you're weak but you've got might.
Always remember push through the pain.
Only strong ones will remain.
I vibrate with anger every time.
Who said being weak is a crime?
You are not only slighting yourself.
But everyone who needs your help.
Dont be a coward be a hero instead.
What good are you if you're dead.
You ignore me but I try to make you see.
If not for you then do it for me.
I will not make the same mistake as you.
You say Im strong now I've got a lot to prove.
I hate when you don't sound the same.
This is life it ain't no game.
So suck it up cuz ppl have real problems don't you get it?
You haven't scored but you want credit.
Fake it till you make it if that's what it takes.
But never ever be cowardice
cuz the weak ones- they always break.
Where in the world is Carmen SanDiago?
Some people you just know where they are at all times. Some people may be strutting around the globe and you have no idea where they are now.
Some people lead exciting lives and are constantly traveling. While others have their same routine day in and day out.
Some people don't want to be settled, while others yearn for stability.
I like knowing. I like keeping tabs on people. Not in any creepy sort of way, and not for any controlling reasons. It is just reassuring to me to know where certain people are. I like knowing that my mother is at home. Or my father is at work. If my parents were hippys and constantly moved... well I would have been a flower child.
A friend once asked me why I cared or wanted to know where they were going to be for the year. I said it reassures me even if we are not talking or near each other to know where you are. Kind of like a parent knows that after tucking in his or her child that child is in bed.
I can look up at the night sky and wonder if you are looking up too. I may not be with you but I know where you are.
Today was my brother's birthday. I forgot. Or I didn't know to begin with. Happy birthday brother, wherever you are.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
What if
What if what was, wasnt.
And what is, isn't.
And what will be, won't.
What if what used to be never was.
What if what seems to be isn't at all.
What if reality is fictional.
What if what we think doesnt exist.
What if things that were said weren't meant.
What if what we send was never sent.
What if what is given isn't gotten.
What if what was laughed about was taken in tears.
What if my smile never reaches your ears.
What if what was real is one big sham.
What if black and white is really gray.
What if what you said isn't what you say.
What happens to past when present changes?
What happens when everything is different
and nothing remains the same?
What if gullibility is like a punch to the gut.
What if reality is wrenching.
What if past is painful and confusing.
What was, was it?
What is, is it?
What will be... What will be?
And what is, isn't.
And what will be, won't.
What if what used to be never was.
What if what seems to be isn't at all.
What if reality is fictional.
What if what we think doesnt exist.
What if things that were said weren't meant.
What if what we send was never sent.
What if what is given isn't gotten.
What if what was laughed about was taken in tears.
What if my smile never reaches your ears.
What if what was real is one big sham.
What if black and white is really gray.
What if what you said isn't what you say.
What happens to past when present changes?
What happens when everything is different
and nothing remains the same?
What if gullibility is like a punch to the gut.
What if reality is wrenching.
What if past is painful and confusing.
What was, was it?
What is, is it?
What will be... What will be?
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Baby Brother
"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be."
Sometimes we fight.
But it's okay cuz I'm bigger than you.
Sometimes I bother you just for the fun of it,
To feel like a kid again.
I sit on you.
But then I remember that I am not bigger than you anymore.
You are bigger than me now.
So you try to hurt me.
But I laugh, because you fight like a girl.
I fight like a girl too.
I give you candy and you look at me suspiciously.
I offer you $10 to help me out and you are surprised when I pay up.
You are my baby
But you are not so little anymore.
Sometimes you are annoying,
But then you let me hug you in public.
Sometimes I can't stand you,
But then you email me to tell me you miss me.
I know you will grow up eventually.
I hope you will still miss me then.
Even when you are away at yeshiva,
Even when you are a famous rabbi or shliach,
Even when you find a beautiful girl to marry,
Even you have a baby of your own.
I hope you will still email me then,
Even if I laugh cuz you can't spell.
You will always be my baby brother.
And I'll always love you.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Jolted
Ever had that feeling of falling, when you are sleeping sitting up, or resting your head on your hand leaning your elbow against something? Something happens, either in your dream or your arm is jostled and suddenly you are falling forward, jolted into sudden wakefulness.
I hate that feeling. Here I am sleeping peacefully, or fitfully but sleeping nonetheless, and I am rudely awakened. It is especially hard to sleep in a moving car when you are awakened with every turn.
Jolt:
1.to jar, shake, or cause to move by or as if by a sudden rough thrust; shake up roughly: The bus jolted its passengers as it went down the rocky road.
2.to knock sharply so as to dislodge: He jolted the nail free with a stone.
3.to stun with a blow, especially in boxing.
4.to shock emotionally or psychologically: His sudden death jolted us all.
5.to bring to a desired state sharply or abruptly: to jolt a person into awareness.
The definition of jolt is something startling and sudden. It is meant to surprise you, stun you, push you into action.
We all need a little push once in awhile, someone to tell us nu, learn a little, get up and go to minyan, take stock of your life and start making decisions, get on the right path now rather than later.
Like a wise woman once told me, "No one is an island, and no one can do it on their own."
Wake up yidden! Ton a mitzva, ton a yid a toiva, do something to bring Moshiach, or to further your personal growth.
If you are in such a good place in life that you can disregard this message, I am jealous of you.
Here is my wake-up call to you, my little push to get you moving. Utilize it.
I hate that feeling. Here I am sleeping peacefully, or fitfully but sleeping nonetheless, and I am rudely awakened. It is especially hard to sleep in a moving car when you are awakened with every turn.
Jolt:
1.to jar, shake, or cause to move by or as if by a sudden rough thrust; shake up roughly: The bus jolted its passengers as it went down the rocky road.
2.to knock sharply so as to dislodge: He jolted the nail free with a stone.
3.to stun with a blow, especially in boxing.
4.to shock emotionally or psychologically: His sudden death jolted us all.
5.to bring to a desired state sharply or abruptly: to jolt a person into awareness.
The definition of jolt is something startling and sudden. It is meant to surprise you, stun you, push you into action.
We all need a little push once in awhile, someone to tell us nu, learn a little, get up and go to minyan, take stock of your life and start making decisions, get on the right path now rather than later.
Like a wise woman once told me, "No one is an island, and no one can do it on their own."
Wake up yidden! Ton a mitzva, ton a yid a toiva, do something to bring Moshiach, or to further your personal growth.
If you are in such a good place in life that you can disregard this message, I am jealous of you.
Here is my wake-up call to you, my little push to get you moving. Utilize it.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Dear mom and dad,
I'm having a great time in the country. Besides for the rain. Oh it rained ALL day. We sat on the porch and watched it come down dripping, in buckets, slow and steady. But it wouldn't let up. It was kind of dreary, yet somehow beautiful at the same time. I wanted to walk to the lake but I didn't have rain boots. So we ate and read and slept and had a shabbos party and tried to pass the time.
I watched little girls riding bikes in the pouring rain with their hair stuck to their faces and I thought how cute but also where are their mothers.
And the BUGS. They were everywhere. Daddy long legs, ants, big bugs and small. They invade our space. Or are we invading their space?
The mosquitoes were relentless. I tried not to scratch but boy did those things itch.
All in all I had a great time. I got to hold a 3 week old baby. She is so tiny! It's weird to think that 3 weeks ago she wasn't even here. She has tiny little fingers and she weighs nothing. I was a little nervous that I was holding her the wrong way but I was reassured when her mother let the older kids hold her. I mean I can't be any worse than a 11 year old right?
I have a recollection of someone jumping up and down on my bed as I tried to sleep. Some kid licked my phone. They fought, they cried, they touched my stuff. To say I love these kids is an understatement. But when their Bubby came to take over I gladly gave over the reigns and said good riddance. A kiss on the head and I was out of there.
I always wonder if the way I treat kids I babysit will reflect the type of mother I will be. Will I be so strict about not standing atop the monkey bars that they will hate me? Is it normal that everyone let's their little kids run wild but I have to know where they are at all times? Or that I force them to sit down and eat a snack? Or take a nap? Or scrub their faces clean even when they are squirming in protest?
Is it okay to be more strict with the kids you babysit than their mother is with them?
I worry cuz I want to be a good mother and I don't want my kids to hate me.
Anyway I had a great time and it was nice to meet the newest addition to the family.
On my way back now. Looking forward to some R&R from my vacation. Yup you read that right.
Hope to have a good week.
All the best,
Altie.
P.S. I made it to my new month with 2 minutes to spare. Mostly because my phone didn't have reception in the country and also cuz I forgot my charger so it died. Feel free to call for a 2 minute conversation ;)
I watched little girls riding bikes in the pouring rain with their hair stuck to their faces and I thought how cute but also where are their mothers.
And the BUGS. They were everywhere. Daddy long legs, ants, big bugs and small. They invade our space. Or are we invading their space?
The mosquitoes were relentless. I tried not to scratch but boy did those things itch.
All in all I had a great time. I got to hold a 3 week old baby. She is so tiny! It's weird to think that 3 weeks ago she wasn't even here. She has tiny little fingers and she weighs nothing. I was a little nervous that I was holding her the wrong way but I was reassured when her mother let the older kids hold her. I mean I can't be any worse than a 11 year old right?
I have a recollection of someone jumping up and down on my bed as I tried to sleep. Some kid licked my phone. They fought, they cried, they touched my stuff. To say I love these kids is an understatement. But when their Bubby came to take over I gladly gave over the reigns and said good riddance. A kiss on the head and I was out of there.
I always wonder if the way I treat kids I babysit will reflect the type of mother I will be. Will I be so strict about not standing atop the monkey bars that they will hate me? Is it normal that everyone let's their little kids run wild but I have to know where they are at all times? Or that I force them to sit down and eat a snack? Or take a nap? Or scrub their faces clean even when they are squirming in protest?
Is it okay to be more strict with the kids you babysit than their mother is with them?
I worry cuz I want to be a good mother and I don't want my kids to hate me.
Anyway I had a great time and it was nice to meet the newest addition to the family.
On my way back now. Looking forward to some R&R from my vacation. Yup you read that right.
Hope to have a good week.
All the best,
Altie.
P.S. I made it to my new month with 2 minutes to spare. Mostly because my phone didn't have reception in the country and also cuz I forgot my charger so it died. Feel free to call for a 2 minute conversation ;)
Friday, August 5, 2011
Don’t say lashon harah don’t, even if you want to then you won’t
But unfortunately, we DO. We are taught to watch our words but do we? Most of us say things we shouldn’t at least once a day. Sometimes it can have severe repercussions.
It was the classic case of sending a text to the wrong person by accident. Not a big deal, it happens to all of us at some point. But what if the text that was sent was about the person who it was accidentally sent to? It wasn’t so negative, but it had connotations that wouldn’t be mistaken as anything else.
I felt really bad and stupid, but I couldn’t take it back.
What is that, you say? Normal friends would understand that people make mistakes, and that some things were intended differently than they sound? But when something is already in a rough place, some things can tip it in the wrong way.
A setback. What will happen now? I don’t know. I guess time will tell. I made a mistake, not by sending the text to the wrong person, but by sending it at all. I shouldn’t have said what I did, and the worst part about it is that as I was sending it I was thinking I shouldn’t be saying this, it’s wrong. But I did it anyway. I guess I learned my lesson.
In contrast, I called the wrong person yesterday. But it was a simple hi sorry wrong number bye. So why the difference? Well for one thing, there was nothing negative about it. And additionally, if a friendship is stable and standing on firm ground it can withstand anything.
This is not just about friendship. This is about taking responsibility for your actions and being able to say, I was wrong. This is about listening to your yetzer tov over your yetzer harah. This is about trusting your instincts when they tell you not to listen to someone and to do the right thing instead. This is about trusting yourself and making the right choice when it seems like everyone else thinks differently.
I hate messy situations. I would think most people do. Sometimes I just want to walk away and not deal with it, even if I’m the one who got myself into it. But one must take responsibility for ones actions.
And so I will stay and try to do the right thing, and possibly save a friendship in the process.
Checking out- I’m going to the country for Shabbos, so I’d like to wish everyone a great one. And please remember in general, and especially in these days right before Tisha Ba’av, to watch your words carefully, and to not say anything that might hurt someone.
It was the classic case of sending a text to the wrong person by accident. Not a big deal, it happens to all of us at some point. But what if the text that was sent was about the person who it was accidentally sent to? It wasn’t so negative, but it had connotations that wouldn’t be mistaken as anything else.
I felt really bad and stupid, but I couldn’t take it back.
What is that, you say? Normal friends would understand that people make mistakes, and that some things were intended differently than they sound? But when something is already in a rough place, some things can tip it in the wrong way.
A setback. What will happen now? I don’t know. I guess time will tell. I made a mistake, not by sending the text to the wrong person, but by sending it at all. I shouldn’t have said what I did, and the worst part about it is that as I was sending it I was thinking I shouldn’t be saying this, it’s wrong. But I did it anyway. I guess I learned my lesson.
In contrast, I called the wrong person yesterday. But it was a simple hi sorry wrong number bye. So why the difference? Well for one thing, there was nothing negative about it. And additionally, if a friendship is stable and standing on firm ground it can withstand anything.
This is not just about friendship. This is about taking responsibility for your actions and being able to say, I was wrong. This is about listening to your yetzer tov over your yetzer harah. This is about trusting your instincts when they tell you not to listen to someone and to do the right thing instead. This is about trusting yourself and making the right choice when it seems like everyone else thinks differently.
I hate messy situations. I would think most people do. Sometimes I just want to walk away and not deal with it, even if I’m the one who got myself into it. But one must take responsibility for ones actions.
And so I will stay and try to do the right thing, and possibly save a friendship in the process.
Checking out- I’m going to the country for Shabbos, so I’d like to wish everyone a great one. And please remember in general, and especially in these days right before Tisha Ba’av, to watch your words carefully, and to not say anything that might hurt someone.
So it seems
Trying to remember all the good times instead of bad.
Trying to stay positive when you make me mad.
Trying to communicate and make you understand.
Trying to keep the peace with all your demands.
When one door closes another opens is what they say,
I have yet to see this happen in my day.
"He said she said", I can't keep up.
Farvust darfstu dreit mir a kup?
Sometimes I can't adequately express in words.
That doesn't mean I don't want to be heard.
The world just swirls and nothing makes sense.
Seem to be always one leg over the fence.
Out the door and gone today.
Here for now but not to stay.
Sweet and rosy, black as night.
It may not seem so but I hate to fight.
Pack my bag and be on my way.
Finally done, now what have you to say?
Trying to stay positive when you make me mad.
Trying to communicate and make you understand.
Trying to keep the peace with all your demands.
When one door closes another opens is what they say,
I have yet to see this happen in my day.
"He said she said", I can't keep up.
Farvust darfstu dreit mir a kup?
Sometimes I can't adequately express in words.
That doesn't mean I don't want to be heard.
The world just swirls and nothing makes sense.
Seem to be always one leg over the fence.
Out the door and gone today.
Here for now but not to stay.
Sweet and rosy, black as night.
It may not seem so but I hate to fight.
Pack my bag and be on my way.
Finally done, now what have you to say?
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Whatever you have- I don't want it
Yes, it is annoying when people shove things in your face as you walk by. I don't want to read it, and whatever it is- I don't want it.
I can't multi-task. My brain does this thing where if there is too much happening at once it goes into overdrive and stops. My buddy in the office said, I thought all girls can multi-task. Well, you thought wrong.
I don't have a lot of patience. I try to, but some days, like today, I have none. People are talking to me and I try to listen, I really do, but sometimes I don't really care what they are saying, and I'm busy, and I have important things to do, more important than watching a 'funny' video of four guys who do stupid stunts and hurt themselves on purpose. I think it's a guy thing to find that funny. I don't laugh at others misfortunes.
And I'm not snobby, I'm really not. So don't stick your face into mine and ask me why I'm ignoring you. Yes, I'm listen to music- I can't hear you.
I had to write an article and the world was spinning. Too many people coming in and out, too many phone calls, too much to do. So I took tylonal, listened to music, and shut the world out. It worked, until they called to tell me my ride was leaving. Day over, thank G-d.
I was told I make very good chocolate milk. Thank you. If you ask me what I did today I can't tell you. I really don't remember.
I was invited to the country for shabbos, for those of you who are familiar with the Catskills and the bungalow colony phenomenon. I'm looking forward to some R&R, along with 7 little kids and a new born. Yay... (that was a weak yay as in, yay can it get any better than this?)
My cell phone month is about to expire. I only have 5 minutes left. Should I refill now, or wait until the month ends on Sunday? That depends how many people call me for no reason from now until then.
Today is just not my day.
I can't multi-task. My brain does this thing where if there is too much happening at once it goes into overdrive and stops. My buddy in the office said, I thought all girls can multi-task. Well, you thought wrong.
I don't have a lot of patience. I try to, but some days, like today, I have none. People are talking to me and I try to listen, I really do, but sometimes I don't really care what they are saying, and I'm busy, and I have important things to do, more important than watching a 'funny' video of four guys who do stupid stunts and hurt themselves on purpose. I think it's a guy thing to find that funny. I don't laugh at others misfortunes.
And I'm not snobby, I'm really not. So don't stick your face into mine and ask me why I'm ignoring you. Yes, I'm listen to music- I can't hear you.
I had to write an article and the world was spinning. Too many people coming in and out, too many phone calls, too much to do. So I took tylonal, listened to music, and shut the world out. It worked, until they called to tell me my ride was leaving. Day over, thank G-d.
I was told I make very good chocolate milk. Thank you. If you ask me what I did today I can't tell you. I really don't remember.
I was invited to the country for shabbos, for those of you who are familiar with the Catskills and the bungalow colony phenomenon. I'm looking forward to some R&R, along with 7 little kids and a new born. Yay... (that was a weak yay as in, yay can it get any better than this?)
My cell phone month is about to expire. I only have 5 minutes left. Should I refill now, or wait until the month ends on Sunday? That depends how many people call me for no reason from now until then.
Today is just not my day.
Poker face
I've started it so many times,
but I've never finished it.
Because I haven't found one person
worth telling the whole thing to.
So I tell you a little.
Maybe you feel privileged that I've shared this with you.
But this is just a fragment, one tiny particle,
of the story of my life.
Maybe I'd tell you all of it.
If you cared to sit and listen awhile.
But then again,
in poker you must keep your cards close to your chest.
And what is life, really,
if not one big game of poker?
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Peace
Like water,
you flow through my fingers,
and run over me like a balm to my soul.
You are like an oasis,
in a dessert,
like a cold drink on a hot sunny day.
Refreshing,
and calming,
with a cooling effect.
You are strong when I am weak,
and funny
when I am morbid.
You are smooth when I am prickly,
and sweet,
when I am bitter.
Your words are reassuring,
you say what I need to hear,
somehow you just know.
You don't flinch
by the things I say,
no matter how upsetting they may be.
You are positive when I am negative,
white when I am black,
day when I am night.
Confident, when I am shaky,
sure when I am doubtful,
and all this with a smile.
You know what it means
to be a friend
and for that I am forever grateful.
you flow through my fingers,
and run over me like a balm to my soul.
You are like an oasis,
in a dessert,
like a cold drink on a hot sunny day.
Refreshing,
and calming,
with a cooling effect.
You are strong when I am weak,
and funny
when I am morbid.
You are smooth when I am prickly,
and sweet,
when I am bitter.
Your words are reassuring,
you say what I need to hear,
somehow you just know.
You don't flinch
by the things I say,
no matter how upsetting they may be.
You are positive when I am negative,
white when I am black,
day when I am night.
Confident, when I am shaky,
sure when I am doubtful,
and all this with a smile.
You know what it means
to be a friend
and for that I am forever grateful.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Panic button
I think everyone should have a panic button in their life. An SOS, a lifeline, a sign, some way to call for help.
For those times when life is a slippery slope and the only direction you can go is down.
For those times when you can't figure yourself out, and everything is not making sense.
For those times when you are so mad you want to hit something.
For those times when you are so depressed you can't move.
For those times when if you were in a car you might crash.
For those times when tears blind you.
For those times when you think that if you would just disappear no one would notice.
For those times when you are so tense you can't sleep.
For those times when you wish you were anywhere but here. And yet there is no escape.
For those times when you just want to get away from yourself, and no matter how far you run- there you are.
For all those times and more, I wish there was a way to say, help me, I'm drowning.
(A picture comes to mind. When my sister was little her class had to do a project for fall, connected to leaves. They had to make a collage, and they were all put on display in the hallway. One girl made a really cute one. It was a whole bunch of leaves, with a hand sticking out, and a talk bubble saying, "help me, I'm drowning!". I thought it was so cute and original.)
And someone would come running. Sometimes you just need an encouraging word, or a hug, or some sort of validation that there are people who care about you, who want you here and would notice if you were gone.
Family is far away. And sometimes family just doesn't cut it. Thank G-d for good friends.
I think if I had a panic button I'd have to be sure not to abuse it. I wouldn't want to become the boy who cried wolf. But for those rare times, those times when you can barely hold it together- it would be nice to know that there is someone on the other end of the line, listening and caring.
And reassuring you that everything will be okay.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Struggle
It is so annoying.
All over the place.
There is so much of it.
I can't stand it.
I like it.
But I hate it.
So many things one can do with it.
But on a hot day I just want to
destroy it.
I want it gone.
So I take a rubber band.
Lift my hands slowly.
So as not to startle it.
I strangle it in one fell swoop.
Tie it tight in a knot.
And put it up high.
It struggles but I won't let it go.
I sit back and relax.
I have won.
And my face is no longer
Surrounded by
All my hair.
All over the place.
There is so much of it.
I can't stand it.
I like it.
But I hate it.
So many things one can do with it.
But on a hot day I just want to
destroy it.
I want it gone.
So I take a rubber band.
Lift my hands slowly.
So as not to startle it.
I strangle it in one fell swoop.
Tie it tight in a knot.
And put it up high.
It struggles but I won't let it go.
I sit back and relax.
I have won.
And my face is no longer
Surrounded by
All my hair.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)