You called to ask me if I was okay, cuz I didn't come home for dinner tonight. I told you, of course I'm okay. I made, my own dinner. I'm living on my own now. I'm pretty sure girls living on their own are not supposed to come home for dinner.
I laugh because you started packing on motzei shabbos and you think you will be moving by Wednesday. I scoff, and yet I don't help. I watch, I observe. The house is getting packed around me and still I don't believe it.
Are you okay? Everyone keeps asking me that. Of course I'm okay. I'm not even moving with them. Why would it bother me. All I have to do is pack up my few boxes and make sure it gets sent with them and that it has a place in the new house. And sure I'll go visit for shabbos. I've moved four times in my life, 5 now that I have my own place. And I'm not going with them, so really, I'm fine.
Are you okay? Well let's see, tomorrow is moving day. So if I forget to go home for dinner tomorrow night, will they leave without saying goodbye? Will I show up to do my laundry and the house will be dark and empty, and locked for the first time? Will there be a big 'sold' sign out front, and no one around? Will they just forget about me cuz I am not going with them?
Are you okay? I ask myself that. And I'm not sure. For the first time in my life, I will be truly on my own. If I forget to buy food for dinner, I will starve. If I forget to do laundry, I will have no clean clothes. If I fall apart and never leave my room, no one will ever know. I made my friend promise me she won't let that happen to me.
Am I okay? I think I'm okay. I say I'm okay. I try to be okay. But I think I am not as okay as I'd like to think. And that scares me more than i care to admit.
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