Memories from the wedding

She was a vision in white. The room took on an extra glow when she walked in. This was her day, the day I was waiting for forever, amd it was finally here.

But for some reason, I was nervous. No, it wasn't my wedding, but it was my simcha too. And I was scared of letting it pass by, scared that the special moments would move too fast, and it would all be over before it started.

All through the hair and makeup, and struggling into my gown, I was going through a kind of shock. I couldn't believe this day was actually here. But it was. Walking around in my gown, passing by little boys in uniforms, I felt funny. Like I was the one that didn't belong here.

Things blurred together. Relatives arriving, greetings, and pictures. Davening mincha, pouring my heart out to G-d to give this couple so many brachos, for a good start to their new life. Time flying, chosson arriving, more pictures.

Kabbalas Panim. Emotions running through me, not sure if I should smile, or cry. Or both. Niggun starting, and they were there. Chosson and entourage. Veil in hands, moving slowly, making contact with her head. Blessings, father crying. Emotions flying. First part done.

Walking to the chuppa, anticipation in the air. 770. The Rebbes shul. The Rebbe will be at this wedding.

Chosson arrives, Kallah arrives, and the chuppa is ready to begin. The holiest part starts. Blessings, and wine, and words. So many words. I tense, waiting for the moment.

Cars in the background, noises from the streets, from the passersby. Normal people, going about their daily lives. But here, in our little corner, things are silent. This is not mundane, this is not every day life. This is a one time experiance, a very special union.

Theres silence. Time stops. My mind zooms in on the chuppa, framing this moment forever in my mind. He slips the ring onto her finger, 'Harai at mikudeshet li'. Glass on the floor, foot raised to smash. There is joy, so much joy. And at the same time, we feel the sadness of being in golus, of the absence of the holy temple, at the time of the most joy, we remember that we are still waiting for moshiach.

And boom! Mazal tov! Veil lifts, music starts, hugs and kisses, and a new unity has started. The happy couple has started life together.

Returning to the hall, food and wine, and dancing! So much dancing. More pictures with the new addition to the family. Friends arriving, and more dancing, dancing, dancing. We dance the night away.

I take a break, a moment to breath. Standing on the side, I watch her. I'm so happy. Happy for her, for them. And at the same time, I'm a bit sad. Things are changing, and I hate change. but I push those thoughts away, and let the joy wash over me, and enjoy every minute of it.

All too soon, its over. The last dance, sheva brachos, mazal tovs, the hall empties out, and only family is left. All the weary members pile into the car, still in finery. I don't want to go, I don't want it to end. I want to repeat the whole thing, every exciting detail of it. But its over. I danced my heart out, and its time to go home.

Entering the house, and my room, I dont want to go in. It feels so empty. Turning on the light, I look around. It looks so big, and clean for a change. I've always wanted my own room. And now I got it. But in another location somewhere close by, someone else has gained a roommate that I have lost.

Sadness is fighting the joy within me. I'm still on a high from the wedding, but at the same time, one little tear escapes my eye and slips silently to the floor. I've lost a roommate, but gained a brother in law. My room feels empty and bare, but a new couple has started life together.

I let the joy take over the sadness, and I smile, a slow, hesitant smile. Things will be differant now, I know. But change isn't always a bad thing. It will be good, very good.

Harai at mikudeshet li- may this couple have many blessings, and a fulfilling and happy life together.