Letting Go

This article has been published in The Jewish Press

Its that feeling that you get when you're dreaming, and things are spiriling out of your control. An unknown assailant is chasing you, and you can't escape him. Or you are chasing someone else, and just as you reach them, they get away.

It happens while reading a book too. Don't! You want to shout, to warn the character. Don't go in there, the bad guy is waiting for you, he may even try to hurt you! But of course they can't hear you, because it's all just a fantasy. The outcome is up to the author, not in our hands at all, and it was, in fact, predestined, so to scream now is useless either way.

A person is wrongly accused of a crime he never commited. He wants to scream, to curse, to fight, to prove somehow that they are wrong, and he is innocent. But there is nothing he can do, for no one believes him. It is not in his control.

Control. A powerful word. Oftentimes, an illusion. We, as humans, as free men, believe we have more control over our lives than we actually do. We make decisions that will affect our entire life, for good or bad. We choose what to wear, what to eat, where to live, who our friends will be. But the second we step out of our door, the instant we let our children leave the protective nest we've created for them, that illusion is gone. Nothing is in our control anymore.

We are at the mercy of drunken drivers, of stalkers, of psycho killers. And once we come face to face with them, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. Our false sense of control is shattered, gone.

We watch as the life of a close friend is ruined, thrown down the toilet, squandered away. We can only grit out teeth, and do nothing, as they waste away, making bad decisions, and mistakes that will impact them for ever after. And there is nothing we can do about it, for it is not in our control.

A loved one has been taken from us. We get mad, refuse to acknowledge it, ball our hands into fists, cry, and cry, and beg G-d to bring them back. Why? You shout. Why him, and not me? You should have taken me instead. Or better yet, take me now too, so I won't have to suffer my entire life, missing them, wishing and hoping, and wondering, what if.

But life and death is not in our control.

You are sitting on a chair. Your hands and feet our tied, your mouth is taped, maybe your eyes are even covered. Imagine it. Feel it. You are powerless, at the mercy of whomever has done this to you. Your stomach is in knots, energy is sizzling through you. You want to scream, to thrash out, to demand release from this bondage. But you are not in control. You are at the mercy of a Higher Being, one who sees the full picture, as you do not.

In essence, we are never really in control. Ever. Even the small decisions we make in life, petty things, like whether to turn left or right, to wear red or blue, to go or not to go, even those are not in our hands. Because at the end of the day, G-d knows what you will decide. He knows the outcome of this game.

When we put our life in someone else's hands, we are taking a gamble, a huge risk. When we trust someone to make decisions for us, or give over a task for someone else to see through, we don't know if it will all work out as we want it to, or at all. In my mind, TRUST has a big question mark where a picture should be. It is something I ponder every day. How can you really trust someone, how do we know whom, and when to trust?

But with G-d, not only do we know with certainty that we CAN trust Him, we are also COMMANDED to. So if we doubt Him for a second, we are going against one of the 13 principles of faith.

You are still sitting on the chair, tied down, and powerless. But now, close your eyes, relax, and think about who's hands your life is in. Let peace overtake you, because your life is in G-d's hands, in His control, and He would never let anything bad happen to you. Whatever happens, good or, seemingly, bad, G-d has ordained it, and there is a higher purpose, which we may never understand.

Fall backwards, and know that someone will catch you. Jump off a cliff, and know that He will never let you fall. Live your life, and don't be afraid, for G-d is protecting you, watching over you, helping you every step of the way.

Our life is not in our control, nothing in this world is. But in matters of trust, I'd rather rely on Someone much greater than I am, to make the decisions.

If you place me and G-d on a scale, I have no worries, for I know what the outcome will be. And for once, I'm okay to let someone else take over. My life is in good hands.